[WildChild]

Why don't you try asking out at least one woman a week? Start with a friend meeting for a casual cup of coffee or tea, then progress to asking a woman you have at least a casual connection with like a co-worker or fellow student, to join you for tea or lunch. Keep doing this, it will help you feel more comfortable talking with women, as you get better at this you can start leading the conversation into things like relationships and how people interact, get a feel for their responses and feelings. At some point you will become able to tell that some women are more open to you than others, that there is a different response and feeling about being around them. Just as when you talk with other men, there are some you know you will never be freinds with, they may be great guys but the two of you won't connect as freinds, the same thing will be true with women.

There are some women you will be very comfortable talking with but will know that is all there will be. There are others you will be comfortable with and they will drop hints that they are interested, they may tell you that things aren't so great with their relationship or that they are unattached. You aren't going to get a feel for any of this by posting or reading any place. You have to get out in the world and get some experience. As Caster shared in his story, at some point there will be a woman who intrigues you so much that you will be willing to do whatever you can to cross her path, to get yourself on her radar and create an opportunity to connect. The more experience you have, the more dating you have done, with or without sex, the easier it will be.

There is no one way, no formula, no clear cut signs and anyone who tells you there is, is probably a player not a stayer.

[liminal]

Have you ever been on a date with a woman? Again, the crawl before you walk thing...I think you need to be around women... ask women out, go on dates... and you will be able to see what women act like when they are interested and what they act like when they are not... and every degree in between.

I've been on 4 dates so far. I know what she wants because she told me that she was a Mormon and we specifically talked about sex. She might be attracted to me or just lonely but I don't share the same feeling. One of them just left the movie afterwards and sent me an enail later to apologize. Another said she was uninterested in being a friend. ( maybe it's insulting to want that anyways with someone you not attracted to?)

I will go out on more Internet dates once the psychological barriers that I am dealing with are resolved. Which hopefully is soon.

I have always been alienated on the outside of society probably because of Aspergers. It's a very impersonal world when people don't get that. Nobody gets than just because I'm not good at communicating my personal needs that that doesn't mean I don't have them.

[liminal]

Well for one I don't have the social skills to ask out one a week. That implies meeting at least 52 new people a year. People are just going to have to accept that not everyone has the same abilities when it comes to the social arena.

But given the slow style of things I have a need to know that my efforts will be treated with respect and sympathy.

Why don't you try asking out at least one woman a week? Start with a friend meeting for a casual cup of coffee or tea, then progress to asking a woman you have at least a casual connection with like a co-worker or fellow student, to join you for tea or lunch. Keep doing this, it will help you feel more comfortable talking with women, as you get better at this you can start leading the conversation into things like relationships and how people interact, get a feel for their responses and feelings. At some point you will become able to tell that some women are more open to you than others, that there is a different response and feeling about being around them. Just as when you talk with other men, there are some you know you will never be freinds with, they may be great guys but the two of you won't connect as freinds, the same thing will be true with women.

There are some women you will be very comfortable talking with but will know that is all there will be. There are others you will be comfortable with and they will drop hints that they are interested, they may tell you that things aren't so great with their relationship or that they are unattached. You aren't going to get a feel for any of this by posting or reading any place. You have to get out in the world and get some experience. As Caster shared in his story, at some point there will be a woman who intrigues you so much that you will be willing to do whatever you can to cross her path, to get yourself on her radar and create an opportunity to connect. The more experience you have, the more dating you have done, with or without sex, the easier it will be.

There is no one way, no formula, no clear cut signs and anyone who tells you there is, is probably a player not a stayer.

[pretzel]

Well for one I don't have the social skills to ask out one a week. That implies meeting at least 52 new people a year. People are just going to have to accept that not everyone has the same abilities when it comes to the social arena.

But given the slow style of things I have a need to know that my efforts will be treated with respect and sympathy.

With all due respect to the ladies here, I disagree with some of the things suggested. In no way am I trying to diminish liminal's desires as there are certain aspects of the things he's said that I know for a fact I was him at his age (making an assumption on your age) and not being confident in one's social skills can really be dibilitating on one's psyche.

When I was in college that was a guy on my floor who had a pretty simple philosophy. He had a goal to meet one new person each day. He didn't care if it was male or female but the object was to meet people, talk to them, gain confidence in his ability to interact. Not everyone he met he became friends with nor did every lady he met he went out with, it was the mere fact that in meeting someone new each day, it gave him something to look forward to and it made him happy.

As it relates to liminal's situation, we're putting the cart before the horse. I still believe he would be best served in both the short run and in the long run to start being more comfortable and confident around people in general and then let that confidence extend to dating/sex/relationship.

[WildChild]

Aspergers does complicate things. There are ways you can learn to interact more easily and comfortably. The Aspergers Society has a lot of material on the subject. Have you done any therapy with this? Aspies can be a little overwhelming for people who aren't aware of the condition and its characturistics. Are there any support groups in your area that help with some relationship skills practice?

Dating is a challenge for everyone. I'm over 50 and have had quite a few relationships but still find it sometimes difficult and frustrating. Your natural eye for detail can help you be very successful in some areas. I understand that you want the details, to know how this works, you can do that up to a point but every woman you meet will be little different. There are some basics you can master that will help. I don't know if we can quite cover it all here. Guess we could try. I've got to get on with my day but perhaps we can all pitch in with some details on how to interact with and treat women, to increase your chances of success.

[liminal]

So what do you think that women in general are looking for.

The thing is that many men have more than one partner.

Lots of men are having sex. In fact there is a stigma if you don't get laid.

A lot of people talk about sex as a physical need.

You would think that there must be a lot of women having sex too if men are having sex. Obviously.

So it makes me wander what women are looking for in terms of sex. It certainly seems as if there must be a lot of women having affairs. And what is an affair but a sex based relationship?

[liminal]

This is the only subject matter where if you dont know the details you can have a drink pored in your lap and be treated like slime just for trying to obtain needs which are pretty basic and well acknowledged.

[liminal]

I agree. I am looking for some general perspective. If I respect others then people should respect me in return.

With all due respect to the ladies here, I disagree with some of the things suggested. In no way am I trying to diminish liminal's desires as there are certain aspects of the things he's said that I know for a fact I was him at his age (making an assumption on your age) and not being confident in one's social skills can really be dibilitating on one's psyche.

When I was in college that was a guy on my floor who had a pretty simple philosophy. He had a goal to meet one new person each day. He didn't care if it was male or female but the object was to meet people, talk to them, gain confidence in his ability to interact. Not everyone he met he became friends with nor did every lady he met he went out with, it was the mere fact that in meeting someone new each day, it gave him something to look forward to and it made him happy.

As it relates to liminal's situation, we're putting the cart before the horse. I still believe he would be best served in both the short run and in the long run to start being more comfortable and confident around people in general and then let that confidence extend to dating/sex/relationship.

[liminal]

I don't agree with generalizations because they hide what's actually going on. All men only care about sex doesn't sit well with the fact that men tend to get married.

But what do woman expect me as a guy to want?

[pretzel]

liminal, my wife works at a school for Autistic children covering the full spectrum including Aspergers. There are also staff, including teachers and administrators there who have it as well. One thing I have heard and have seen is that they take those strengths they have and use them to their full advantage. One thing I've noticed throughtout the thread is your ability to communicate effectively. Communication is extremely important and to have this type of ability is a strength that many of us would love to have.

Use this strength.