[sly]

Hi, so I'm wondering what people think. I have a very rocky past with my father and have been a untrustworthy of men as a result. I'm in my early 20's and still a virgin. However I find myself being sexually aroused by women sometimes, men also, but not as much. I want to find a good guy and when I am seeing a guy I'm excited, I get butterflies, but i also get nervous and often get let down. I want to meat the right guy and be aroused, get married and have kids. Do you think this attraction to women means I am a a lesbian or perhaps bi? I think I just have trouble relating to men and am trying to get past it, but could it be something more?

[Mes T]

I think it's hard to tell unless you experience sex, or a relationship, with both. Then you can decide.

[kristalyn_04]

I think you need to explore this before making a commitment to anyone. There's nothing wrong with being lesbian or bisexual, but you need to find out for sure before moving forward in a relationship with a man. I don't mean to say you should get into a relationship with a woman, but just explore a bit with someone that is open to a little casual fun. There is no shame in doing that, and if it turns out that you aren't into women, that's ok... at least you will know and you can work on any hang-ups you may have with men.

[jns]

You are still up in the air on orientation and haven't experienced a good relationship yet. Your initial orientation will be probably toward the sex of the person who gives you your first mind blowing experiences. You orientation may change as you later take into account your upbringing, what your friends say and what your relatives say. It could stay at your initial orientation.

[kira]

I think it's a good idea to try things out before you go looking for someone to settle down and marry. My uncle got married, had 3 kids, and then started talking to guys on the internet, moved his family to the state his online bf was in, and cheated on his wife. She found the emails, dragged all the kids back here, and that whole side of my family went a bit nuts for a year. We try to forget that year happened but his son still won't attend family gatherings with him. I think it's obvious this is a very bad way to discover your sexual orientation and handle it.

[SaharaJim]

My thought is that you need to look for the right PERSON not necessarily the right "sex". Perhaps you can consider what exactly you are looking for in a relationship. You say "the right guy, be aroused,married and have kids". Very traditional. NOT good or bad just traditional. Is that what you want? or do you think that is what you "should" want? IMHO 20 is young. I don't think there is an immediate "rush" to make a "life long' decision. Maybe you should give yourself permission to "experiment" and "date" people you like- reguardless of sexual orientation.

[sly]

I would be slightly concerned what other people would think but it's more so what I think myself. Mentally I cannot ever see myself having a relationship with a woman, not that I see anything wrong with it. I just picture myself in the future with a man, my ideal relationship is with a man. Is it possible for straight women to be aroused by other women?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am not sure what your past with your Father has portrayed to you, but it could be because of this, your in-ability to connect to men yet, is why your sub-conscious mind veres towards women, a "trust" there and in that you see the attractiveness.

If you can not see yourself with a woman, then chances are it's purely the like, attraction, and beauty perhaps going as far as to say, how you see yourself portraying yourself, to men yet, at this point you can't and maybe more of a admiration therefore....


I am straight, you mention the word "aroused" are you sure that is the feeling? I when I was your age, was hit on alot by women and I found them attractive, tried to visualise myself with the same sex, but at the end of the day, couldn't....does that mean maybe I was / am bi? Maybe who knows, but at the end of the day, arrousal is sexual... There is more to that in a relationship where love is concerned so ask yourself if you believe you can love a man and if you can love, because past is past, don't continue to let it get in your way....What you see in a woman any assertiveness is where you need to now start to take yourself so you can date and meet someone.

And lastly, you are questioning yourself over your sexuality, if you find out that your future is because you want children full stop, and it's the norm and that is why, don't worry about what people think at all, we have one life, live it in happiness full stop...

[oxy-moron]

At the moment you are standing by the edge of the swimming pool imagining you will do freestyle or maybe backstroke- but you have never been in the pool.
You need to get into the pool at some point. People are not all same and will not all be like your father. Take your time and be careful but get into the pool.

[sly]

CHANDLERS WISH, I think that is really insightful and makes a lot of sense. I do believe I can love a man, and I can see how I could find women easier to trust because of my father issues. Thank you.