[Masurao]

i have actually. i asked her very very early on if it was what she wanted, that she was under no obligation to be with me, out of pity or whatever if she wanted really and truely wanted to be together i would give her my heart. nothing else with the relationship is straining...except this part. and as an adult i think i can handle pulling the reins in ya knw?

[jns]

In relations, it is the person who wants sex the least that controls the sex. It seems she has made her point of view known. You have to ask yourself if you would be happy with those rules. If she does change, don't expect it to last forever, or even a long time.

[Masurao]

jns- i want to just find a compromise. i dont want her to change :x i just want to be with her!! and get knowledged-up in the process

[ItsASecret]

From my experience some people do not care about extra knowledge. You can spill anything you want out material wise and it will not make someone like sex anymore than they want to. If she does not like the extra info then simply leave it out, I have, unless someone specifically asks me a question (the people I go out with do come to me about real knowledge stuff). Other than that I try my best to keep quiet with the facts and stuff. If she does not want sex all the time when you two are together that is fine, offer to watch a movie with her instead. As long as each movie night does not turn into "okay movie is done want to go into the bedroom???" then things have the possibility to turn around. You cannot make a person more sexual just by hoping they will be.

[Masurao]

well im not hoping, nor do i want sex all the time it isnt about sex but about affection...affection doesnt have to be sex.. O_O' thats not what im after what im after is a middle ground of me not feeling like im MAKING her hug me or kiss me because i want it..and because we BOTH want it.

I try to be patient with her but how am i suppose to...interrupt constant..and mean CONSTANT bum-grabs and breast fondle-age? personally ive left it at these things interest her so let her rummage and get it out her system..but I CAN NEVER hardly ever do it back..

all i want is advice on how to broach the subject of affection with out it turning into *all u want is sex blah blah pervert*

Add-in]
so far keep my sex-ed info to myself
dont expect sex ALL the time*didnt anyway at any point*
and uhm...all i need really is..advice on how to approach the subject *subject of affecton NOT SEX*:x without seeming prevo

[ItsASecret]

I try to be patient with her but how am i suppose to...interrupt constant..and mean CONSTANT bum-grabs and breast fondle-age? personally ive left it at these things interest her so let her rummage and get it out her system..but I CAN NEVER hardly ever do it back..

I am confused, are you the one with the interrupting urges for bum grabs and fondling or is she the one that grabs you and fondles herself (and then you are the one who wants to fondle back but she says no)?

all i want is advice on how to broach the subject of affection with out it turning into *all u want is sex blah blah pervert*

Really the only thing you can do is keep up the affection. Keep the cuddling, keep the kisses on the forehead, watch the movie without even mentioning sex (even if you have no intention to in the first place). Just stuff that makes it solely interaction. If sex happens then so be it, but to make it about affection it just has to stick with affection. You can have the stance of not everything needs to result in sex, you both already agreed on that which is good you confirmed the communication of it. You have not mentioned if she is the type of woman who likes affection, does she like the snuggles on the couch? Does she like the kisses on the forehead? just that type of stuff. If she does then it is much easier to allow for more affection without the subject of sex even being brought up. If she does not receive a cuddle well then maybe limit it to a hand on her leg while watching a movie or something. Some women love constant affection, some like only a little, and some feel smothered all the time. You have to follow what she likes and work with that.

[Masurao]

I am confused, are you the one with the interrupting urges for bum grabs and fondling or is she the one that grabs you and fondles herself (and then you are the one who wants to fondle back but she says no)?

SHE is the one who does said interactions but when I try to do it back im tossed across the room like a paper crane
i dont know how to take that...

Really the only thing you can do is keep up the affection. Keep the cuddling, keep the kisses on the forehead, watch the movie without even mentioning sex (even if you have no intention to in the first place). Just stuff that makes it solely interaction. If sex happens then so be it, but to make it about affection it just has to stick with affection. You can have the stance of not everything needs to result in sex, you both already agreed on that which is good you confirmed the communication of it. You have not mentioned if she is the type of woman who likes affection, does she like the snuggles on the couch? Does she like the kisses on the forehead? just that type of stuff. If she does then it is much easier to allow for more affection without the subject of sex even being brought up. If she does not receive a cuddle well then maybe limit it to a hand on her leg while watching a movie or something. Some women love constant affection, some like only a little, and some feel smothered all the time. You have to follow what she likes and work with that.

well id say on a scale from 1-5 1=low 5=high shes like a 2.5 or 3 on good days, sometimes a lil on one day and nothing the next it fluctuates really.

[ItsASecret]

SHE is the one who does said interactions but when I try to do it back im tossed across the room like a paper crane
i dont know how to take that...

That is weird. Umm...have you asked her why you cannot touch her back, even gently? I mean you do not have to just start ravaging and groping you know that but if she does not even let you caress her leg or boob or even a small tap on the butt after she has touched you then I am not sure how you can go about it.

well id say on a scale from 1-5 1=low 5=high shes like a 2.5 or 3 on good days, sometimes a lil on one day and nothing the next it fluctuates really.

The daily change is normal. Some days a woman can love affection the next day it is "I am tried just rub my back, that is all I want right now". You will have to gauge her stance per day, sometimes she could be moody because of a long day and others maybe for whatever reason she has a little pep in her step so you could take advantage of that and do a little more snuggly things. All you can do is just do the casual things that you want to do, the snuggling, the kisses (even pecks), rubbing her arms or shoulders...whatever it is that she may like. That way it is not about sex, not at all, just about the affection.

[Sally Rand]

A good relationship is based on honesty. This does not mean honesty is a magic wand that will get you anything and everything you want anymore than saying "please." It is basic courtesy, nothing more, nothing less.

You are being honest, and I commend you. The age difference is not a factor. The maturity level I can't comment on as I don't know you personally.

My father is an artist. I grew up with women coming over to pose nude. There was nothing lewd about it. I, myself, occassionally draw, and my own experience is, I can't draw and think about sex at the same time; in fact, I have used drawing male nudes as a way to lower my sex drive. If your language is crude, however, it might make her feel uncomfortable. As they say, it isn't what you say but how you say it.

Long distant relationships rarely work out for long. That in itself is a huge issue. Add the difference between sex attitudes and needs, the odds are stacked against you. You have to decide if you really want to pour more effort and energy into making something that sounds so casual.

Best of luck.

[randomguy2011]

Some people view sex as physical only and severly underestimate how much it means to the other. People who don't want sex feel like they are happy without so you should be too. And in turn people who want sex more regularly can't understand why their SO doesn't. Its about being intimate and realize everything your GF knows about relationships and sex she probably learned from watching her parents interact as she was growing up.