[Becky9]

I realize that there are other posts about this subject, but I didn't want to open up and old thread, or take away from any other member's concerns - so sorry if I shouldn't be doing this.

I posted about a month ago about the trouble my boyfriend and I have been having in bed for the past year. Our sex life started out fine for about 6 months (but fine I mean about 20 minutes), but now it's just so far from satisfying and we don't know what to do. I think it might have to do with him being hypersensitive as well - last night there was no mention or indication that we'd have sex, I was beside him in bed, my hand slipped under the waist band on his underwear, no intentions of anything and boom! he was rock hard. Then we had about 5 minutes of foreplay and less than a minute of sex; and that's how it's been for about a year. We're so dissatisfied with our sex life that neither of us really tries to instigate it anymore, and I just get so upset that when we do, he ends up feeling worse about it. It's been a bad cycle. He just can not control himself. What do we do? I'm in the process of making an appointment with a sex therapist - but are there any other tips you can offer us?

I absolutely love him to death, and I know he loves me, and we'll do anything for each other. We want to fix this, how do we start?

[Schroeder]

He's got to want to change.

You rub him off but before he comes stop, and let go completely. If he comes anyway, than next time try to let go just before that happens. Once he diminishes a little, rub him off some more, and again stop -- and let go -- before he climaxes. Keep doing this rhythm until it can last for 10 or 20 minutes without him climaxing. Eventually you won't need to let go, and then the next step is that you won't need to stop, just slowing down will be enough.

Once he trains himself to hold it back, he will be able to do it while he is inside you.

* * *

Unless you're just too damm sexy.

[oxy-moron]

Hi

He is coming more quickly now because his Oxytocin levels are higher than they use to be - Physical contact with your partner raises your Partners Oxytocin levels. He needs to spend more time massaging you - 10 to 20 minutes- It doesnt have to be associated with sex . And more foreplay is good for it as well but this may make him come even quicker.
Once your Oxytocin levels are higher you will come more quickly. Oxytocin is the hormone that powers orgasm contractions and a myriad of other things..

[Guest]

There is a ton of reading that you can do on the subject on many web sites, including web MD, that offer sound scientific based advice, (stay away from the others) suggestions and steps to follow. P.E. is a frequent problem among men and has little or anything to do with oxytocin levels.

Good luck.

[ItsASecret]

There is a ton of reading that you can do on the subject on many web sites, including web MD, that offer sound scientific based advice, (stay away from the others) suggestions and steps to follow. P.E. is a frequent problem among men and has little or anything to do with oxytocin levels.

Also PubMed. The hub of all hubs of real information. Tough to read some of it but there are plenty of other resources.

[at a loss]

"my hand slipped under the waist band on his underwear, no intentions of anything and Boom! He was rock hard"

Sorry, but this comment is probably one of THE funniest (or dumbest) comments I've ever read on this site. I'm going to go off on a limb here and speak on behalf for the male population (and I am a man).

When this happens (your wife/girlfriends hand enters underwear)....accidentally or not, there's an extremely HIGH probability that the man will get hard.

You freaking out about something so simple tells me that maybe, just maybe, you're the problem. You sound like the type of woman with a long list of rules of what he can and can't do. Whether it's about sex or anything else.

He probably is tired of dealing with your rules about sex that he saw an opportunity to have sex, did his thing, and finished up fast as sportscenter was about to come on and he didn't want to miss it.

Why do I think this? If you're worked up about your man getting hard for ANY reason than I can just imagine what life with you is all about.

A penis gets hard if it's touched and sometimes even if the wind blows on it.

You also said "no intentions of anything". So there has to be "intentions" on YOUR part for your man to get hard? Sorry my friend, a penis has a mind of it's own, and it's certainly not going to do what you want it to do and when you want it to do it.

That you've even wrote this on here, that this is a problem, tells me that you're THE problem.

[Sally Rand]

I, humbly disagree with "at a loss." Good communication is mostly likely the problem.

Penises are just dang fun to play with, and if we girls had one, well, I for one, would probably never leave home.

Think of it like this: Every time you pick up a guitar, you might strum a few notes, but you aren't necessarily going to want to play a concert in front of a live audience. Sometimes, you just want to play with that wonder, warm, exciting toy. It is very comforting to know it's still there. Ahhhhh! So, yeah, I get that you want to touch it, I mean, who doesn't?

He might not understand that, he might be feeling pressured into performing. An open dialog is the best place to start. There are sooo many books on this topic, you should check out the Sticky note on Sex books thread.

I am very lucky to be crazy about my man. I don't care if it's a One Push Wonder, or an Three Day Seige, he has never ever not left me smiling. Attitude is ultra important. So what if it's only five minutes? That is five minutes of thrill you wouldn't have had otherwise! Sweetie, have fun with it!

Best Wishes!

[oxy-moron]

Good attitude Sally- you have a lucky man.