[JC288]

About 10 ago I had a lot of female trouble and was not able to have sex as often as my husband wanted. I always made sure that he was satisfied by other means; oral, hands etc… (I love to give oral it’s my favorite sex act!!!!)

Now the tables have turned, I have been well now for 7 years and I am at my sexual peek and he is taking some medication that has affected his sex drive. About 5 years ago we had sex 3 or 4 times a week but now we are down to about 3 times a year….. we have not had sex in 2011 at all yet. He offers nothing in return, no oral or anything. My only source is masturbation. (The dr has switched his meds.. they all make him this way)


I understand the medication has dulled things and I do not complain to him or ever make him feel bad about it but deep inside I feel neglected.
He has never been all that great in bed but I would never tell him that. I am the opposite of him sexually, I am open to try new things and I always do what he wants. I love sex and everything about it. (I guess I am a submissive person and hate to argue and he is very controlling and has anger issues. I DO NOT ever say or do anything to make him angry).
I miss the intimacy though. Now we are more like roommates.

I have wondered if he has been having an affair but I don’t know. I have never ever had an affair.
I have thought of leaving… not because of the sex but because of his anger. I am confused.
I wonder if I had the intimacy if I would still be considering leaving. I am so horny and so lonely. I am even afraid to leave.

ANY IDEAS?

[spurzzz]

"I understand the medication has dulled things" ...................... "He offers nothing in return, no oral or anything"

No I don't think so, he is the one that has dulled things. He sounds very selfish in his nature and does not treat you with the respect you deserve. He does not even consider giving you oral pleasure to satisfy your needs? That is very selfish, have you talked about this problem at all?

Has your Husband always been angry, or has his anger come from the medication he is having....?
Is it possible that his anger issues are to do with personal problems he as a man is facing......especially in the bedroom department? A lot of men would shy away and feel embarassed to talk about their sexual problems to anyone, let alone admitting anything. This in turn can lead to anger, frustration and general avoidance. Important thing is Communication, you need to sit down and talk about this with your husband as much as possible and tell him how you feel! That is the only way, there is no point repressing the feelings, that just makes things worse.

However, Your husbands anger issue is a big problem and there is no excuse in the world for him to take anything out on you. You should not accept abuse of any kind in any relationship full stop. When it comes to the point that you are scared of talking to him, then that is a big problem and you need to think things through carefully. It should never get to a stage that you are afraid to leave.....

If he is reasonable, suggest counselling for his anger problems....he must be willing to try and get help, you both must put the effort in, not just a one way system.

If he is not willing to get the help he needs, you need to leave. Don't neglect your life because of a selfish person.....
There is plenty of help out there, especially with the use of internet, that you can use to help you leave if thats the decision you make. Local Citenzens Advice Beareu is always the best place for advice on such matters.

And don't be fooled into thinking good sex and intimacy will fix the 60% of other things that matter just as much.

[Ashlee T.]

I think it speaks volumes that during a time in which you didn't want to or couldn't, you made sure he still felt desired and taken care of...........yet now the tables have turned and he is making no effort.

That combined with his anger issues make me lean toward believing that there is MUCH more wrong in your marriage than just lack of sex. You're scared of him..and that too speaks volumes.

Spurzz is right, counseling is available and important here. If he is unwilling, then he is telling you he does not consider your relationship worth it. If he doesn't consider it worth it, then why spend your life feeling lonely, scared and neglected?

[kimaya]

I suggest that just sit with him and discuss the things just give one chance to your relationship it may solve your promblems...and if then too his behaviour is same then dnt waste time with him dear..

[Pink Champagne]

See a counclor and discuss it with him and your counclor.

[oxy-moron]

What are his health issues and what drugs are he on.
You need to sort his health issues using natural cures and remedies.
The focus on Diet to improve his drive. Fish oil capsules are good.
Massage will make a difference to mood and health.
Will he let you give him a back massage. Get some body butter. Start with a deep muscle one- then slip into a slow light sensual one. You need to be doing this at least three times a week for 20 minutes or more.
The oxytocin hormone provided by the massage has numerous health benefits including improvements in sex drive and depression.

[Texasred]

What are his health issues and what drugs are he on.
You need to sort his health issues using natural cures and remedies.
The focus on Diet to improve his drive. Fish oil capsules are good.
Massage will make a difference to mood and health.
Will he let you give him a back massage. Get some body butter. Start with a deep muscle one- then slip into a slow light sensual one. You need to be doing this at least three times a week for 20 minutes or more.
The oxytocin hormone provided by the massage has numerous health benefits including improvements in sex drive and depression.

Natural herbs and massages all day long won't change someone's personality, won't make a controlling person with "anger issues" less controlling nor less angry.
He'd just feel catered to and justified.

[jns]

I agree with spurzzz and BD.