[houndog]

Okay now, but seriously (now that I read all these closer). How many people here or do you know of, in their 40's, who still or ever did or do "do it" with their kids in the house in the middle of the day? I can't imaging slipping into the shower with him with the kids in the house. Is all this you're saying true or are you just spelling out fantasies?

[mommies3]

Okay now, but seriously (now that I read all these closer). How many people here or do you know of, in their 40's, who still or ever did or do "do it" with their kids in the house in the middle of the day? I can't imaging slipping into the shower with him with the kids in the house. Is all this you're saying true or are you just spelling out fantasies?

Well i havent been on here in awhile but i felt like responding to this.
I am only 32 and my hubby works so it doesnt happen as often as it used to but i dont see anything wrong with having sex in the middle of the day, or while the kids are at home. How old are your kids? My hubby and i used to do it all the time. I always made sure they had something to do and were occupied. I always made sure the door was shut and sometimes locked and that we werent too loud. There is nothing better than a hot passionate quickie in the middle of the day. I am sure your husband would be elated.

[houndog]

Does anyone have any suggestions for helping me let my guard down, so to speak? Or is it a just go do it thing?

[houndog]

I hear you. I suppose this is really sort of enlightening to me right now. I thought all this stuff was just fantasy land stuff. So maybe my husbands not so crazy after all. It's probably been 10 years since he's even seen me with no clothes on, if not more. Im not sure I could just get undressed and jump in the shower with him or in the bedroom.

[rcoreyus]

I would love to have the sort of relationship where we did things like that, but we don't. I see no harm, and LOTS of good in grabbing chances for intimacy with the person you love.

Think how lucky you are that he desires you after all this time. I think you will hear from other women who wish they had husbands who were still attracted to them.

[waya]

I hear you. I suppose this is really sort of enlightening to me right now. I thought all this stuff was just fantasy land stuff. So maybe my husbands not so crazy after all. It's probably been 10 years since he's even seen me with no clothes on, if not more. Im not sure I could just get undressed and jump in the shower with him or in the bedroom.

When it comes down to it does it really matter what other people do? That has nothing to do with the intimacy you share with your husband. And if you're not comfortable being completely naked with him right now buy something that makes you feel sexy and wear it. I've gotten some of the best reactions from not lingerie but dresses sans bra and/or panties.

[Hopeless Dork]

Am I the only one that read the part where he cheated on her? Or the part where he was critical of her body? Those are things that don't exactly make a woman WANT to please, nor want to be her best self. Many (wrong) men think by talking negatively, cruelly about a womans weight she's gonna sign up for a gym. Nope... more than likely she will feel worthless, depressed, eat more. A little encouragement goes a long way. I strive to keep in shape for me AND for my guy... I want him to be happy with me, but he never has made me feel bad for any flaw, instead he calls me beautiful... which only provokes me to strive to be as beautiful as he already see's me.

If he wasn't getting sex from you before, cheating on you isn't exactly going to evoke a nympho like reaction from you, in fact... hello, cold shoulder. He's going about it wrong.

You sound depressed. He's hurt you and you talk him up, and yourself down... and thats not right. Let me just say this, you can have a bangin body and be a vixen in the bedroom... and a man that is going to cheat will still cheat. So make sure your relationship is right before you jump off the deep end trying to satisfy him, first decide whether or not he's as committed to making things better as you are.

You need to drop the shyness. Pick up some candles... Every body flaw is forgiven in candlelight. Expose what you think is sexy, cover what your more worried about... If sex must be dark for you, how about a lights on bj? You need to explore your own sexuality and figure out what turns you on and what you like... the better sex is for YOU the more you will want it, inniciate it... and be spur of the moment.

[WildChild]

I'd say HD is right.

[NTRDAME]

HD and WC, you're both correct and incorrect. My wife and I are private practice psychologists. Over the past 10 to 12 years, we have noticed a dramatic increase in these types of cases by both women and men, both individually and as couples. HD, you point out the two specific things that make the man that houdog is speaking of look like the bad person. So let me ask this question. She states her husband hasn't seen her naked in over 10 years. By sheer nature and instinct, men are visual creatures. Its a fact of nature. So what is this man to do? If she only has intercourse with him once or twice a month, he never sees the naked human body of the one he desires, and apparently according to her, makes it clear that he does desire her, what is he supposed to do to satisfy his internal instincts? Go celebate? I think not. Its just not realistic. I would venture to say there is more to this story both on his and her side. But to say the man only is wrong is incorrect. I would say to any women, men, and couples out there, if your spouse is not completely satisfied, they will find alternate ways to find that satisfaction, whether they love you or not. BOTH are equally at fault.

[WildChild]

Oh crumb, I had written a response and it vanished on me, this has happened a couple times lately - that is not happy making.
NTRDAME we are aware that on a chat forum we only get one side and that is often incomplete as it lacks the dimensions of body language, vocal tonality and other aspects of face to face or even verbal communication. Not everyone is very good at written communication. Sometimes, over time, posters fill in more and give us some ah ha's, or with multiple posts we start to see more of their personality and what might be going on.

At this point we don't know if this couple started out with a fantastic sex life that degenerated or if started out with a lot of limits. It does sound like they were more active in the past. His behavior could have fueled her lack of desire, her lack of desire could have triggered his behavior. She is giving some hints that she has some preconceived ideas of sexual limits that could be part of the problem. (regarding children in the home). My earlier question about the children's ages reflects that we've have situations with the, overweight, loss of desire stuff and it turns out the children are 4 months, 18 months and 3 yrs old and he was cheating all through her pregnancy. It can take some time to fill in enough to get a picture. I do think that HD was right to point out that most of the responses were ignoring some behaviors that were important. Being critical of a partner's appearance rarely leaves them burning with desire to get naked with you. Her encouragement to the OP to drop the shyness and find some ways that she can feel comfortable and sexy/sexual with her husband, I think is good advice.

My understanding of recent research into brain activity is that it has shown that women are just a visually stimulated as men but they apparently learn not to respond to that as much as men do. There is a lot of screwed up sexual behavior and thinking out there, as you no doubt know. But in any given situation I would argue whether they are always both at fault, unless the fault sometimes lies in failing to read very subtle clues or be clairvoyant as to how one's partner might change in the future.

I've gone on and on, on the subject of what women are up against, at least in American society, with odd social/religious expectations and the very mixed messages they get, the whole virgin/ho thing. When you throw in men (and some women) who's expectations for female sexual response are based on porn, you've got another can of misinformation worms to deal with. It gets complicated.