[hurtinginny]

Update

Since confronting him about all this and moving out he has since decided to pretend like it never happened. I've left the bedroom twice since then because he apparently can't stop touching himself. He still denies it. He has started doing it while we lay on the couch together. Something he hasn't done previously. He thinks I'm asleep when he does it. He has also canceled his online porn subscription even though he denied having one and as far as he knows no way of me knowing that he canceled it. I know he doesn't want me to leave but until he admits he has a problem and does something actively about it I can't stay. This has gone on way too long and my sanity is at sake. I also can't be with someone who is so dishonest and can't talk to me...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

hurtinginny

So in effect this was your first "true" love? 20 years ago, and throughout the years when ever you are single again he basically becomes the friend with benefits in "his eyes", never giving you anything more than that, sex, on his terms when he wants it and when you've had enough of this treatment someone else comes into your life, but again, when single the pattern continues?

Am I reading this right?

If so, you really have to let go of this guy once and for all...Even if he is the Daddy to two of your children, he was never there for them even when he found out they were his, and he resents a baby in the house now, your grandaughter, he is not relationship material, you even stated that when he was 20, and you 19...

Why do you feel that this person is the person you are meant to spend your life with? The one who does not treat you at all like a partner, rather abuses you in short, takes when he wants, ignores your feelings and why didn't he marry a couple of times himself? Because he is not relationship material?

For your sanity you are right, this has gone on way to long, it doesn't even allow you to find a partner that is what you wish for in life, instead you end up with partners that are still not worthy of you and then those relationships end too, I am not sure if you 'think' you are in love with this guy from when you were 19, or whether you just fall back with him as you don't want to be on your own.

But, it's time to look out for you and only you and learn to love yourself more.

You should not let this person get his way when ever he wants and when ever you are single....

[lola1]

You are not crazy.

I think he knows his behaviour is different from other men's and this is maybe why he does not want to label it or openly admit that he is doing it even though he is, and maybe he is ashamed of it, but also tired of being different.

What turns someone one is really complex, and in your case it seems to be lots of things, except of regular sex with a partner. I am not saying this is normal, but it is quite common. Going to hookers, masturbation etc.

Passive and detached. My ex was also masturbating a lot which was tricky because I wanted normal sex, and he wanted it less, however, I am of course not allowed to have sex with another man either, so not getting enough.

He was also sexually submissive and a masochist, but that was fine as I am dominant. The rest did not fit though, and I understand his sexual make up plus the fact that he is a PA, but it's really hard to live with, because it's a combination that is really tiring and drags me down.

After sleeping on the couch for a week he finally decided to ask why (although I know he knew why). I told him and he denied it, as usual. We've had this discussion before, last time when he denied it I said to him "So you're saying I am crazy, I am seeing, hearing and feeling things?" His response? "No, I'm not saying that." What??? So which is it? Either I am crazy and he's not jerking off in bed next to me or he is. So again, he is claiming I am crazy. I AM NOT CRAZY. I saw his bank statement as well and there is three $39.95 charges for talkteks.com, when I do a search for it it is most certainly a porn site. I asked him two weeks ago when the last time he watched porn was, he told me not since the last time I asked him not to. I asked this again last night, he said to me I am not going to say I haven't looked at porn. I said "And you pay for it." He says "Absolutely not!". More lies! He's like the boy who cried wolf, why should I believe anything he says?

I worked until 7:45 one night a few weeks ago, he got home 5 minutes before me. I asked why he didn't answer my text I sent at 7:30, he said because he had just left Walmart and would see me at home anyway. The receipt said he checked out from Walmart at 6:09. It takes 10 minutes to get home from there. When confronted with this he said "And yes, I was home by 6:30!". Ummm, I told him I got home at 7:45, he had nothing to say to that. I've found numbers on his phone that come up as escort services when I do a google search (this is how he hooked up with the 17 yo). He denies that's what the numbers are.

Throughout the whole confrontation he tried turning everything around on me, that I have been treating him like a jerk for the past month. Yes, for a reason! Yet, he's so passive aggressive he just pretended that everything was fine and never asked what was wrong. He claimed that he does so much for me, so many favors, I asked like what, he said picking up the kids, doing stuff for the kids. They are HIS kids too!!! Why is that a favor for me? Especially when they are young adults, 20 and 21! He asked me when it is that he is jerking off (besides at night in bed), when does he have time? Please. He's reaching because he knows I can't prove this inquiry. I mention the hand towels, he denies it.

He claims he has no problem, that this is all me and if I move out it's all because of fabricated, imagined reasons. HELP! I am NOT crazy. Does this sound like other men? Do they deny everything 100%? I am trying to tell myself I know what I know, I know how I feel and that's all that matters. It just hurts so much more to be told all my fears, concerns, issues I've struggled with for the past year are unwarranted! Any suggestions?