[spsmith]

Val...You ar so right about the need to keep the mood going all day and the how easy it is for the stress of the day to sidetrack the whole thing. As usual, your story reads just like a page from my wife's story! There are so many pressures and expactations on a mom, and it is a lot for a guy to expect that she will be able to deal with those pressures all day and then just flip the sexy switch as soon as the sun sets. I can totally appreciate where your husband is coming from...we naturally feel like our advances alone should put you "in the mood" and all those stresses and other feelings from the day should just melt away with a seductive kiss, hug, or touch.

I know you'll probably say, "why did it take me so long," (and I don't blame you) but I am (finally) coming to the realization that those stresses and baggage from the day take a much bigger toll on your sex drive than on a guy's, and, if you add in a general lack of comfort and relaxation with sexuality or parts of it, it makes things all the more delicate. I also try to back my wife up by doing dishes, taking care of baths, putting kids to bed, picking up the toys, bringing home some chocolate or wine, etc., etc. with the hope that it may help take the edge off. I have also tried the suggestive text so that she'll know that she's desuired. Not "sexting," but just a simple note to say that she's on my mind or I really enjoyed the night before. As I said...your posts are right on the money, and I am so glad to hear that you are dealing with the same issues and have the same feelings and responses.

Minnie...Thanks for letting me know that you are also just not into receiving oral even though you've given it an honest try. One of the other posters suggested trying in the shower because of the extreme cleanliness...would that make you more relaxed? Val...what about you?

Fortuns...I would imagine that women deal with it more than men, but I think it's really unfortunate that the "sex is dirty" notion is so prevalent. I truly do not subscribe to the "anything goes" attitude either, but I also don't think there is anything inherently dirty about sex between a man and his wife. Whether your in the missionary position in your bed with the lights off at 11pm or doing it standing up in some kind of acrobatic position wearing costumes in your living room at 10am...isn't it still sex and a way to show how much you love each other? Does having and enjoying oral sex make a happily married woman and mom a deviant? There are enough challenges between the genders, and it's already hard enough to find the time and the modd to have some real passion...adding social discomfort and cultural hang-ups to the mix is just icing on the cake. Also, thanks for the shower suggestion...I really love being in the shower with my wife, and I may give your idea a shot.

As always...thanks ladies!!!

[Jhorcher]

I feel with you brother, I love giving oral sex. When me and my wife were first together she loved receiving oral. I could bring her to climax multiple times that way. Now being married for 5 years & having a kid she could care less about it. It makes me very sad because it is one of my favorite things to do & it use to be hers too. We had a threesome last year to spice things up , when her & the other girl fooled around she had no problem climaxing orally. When we have talked about it she says I've done it so much over the years that's she use to it. Which makes no sense to me because when she goes down on me I still go crazy. It makes sex very frustrating sometimes because all she really likes now is just laying there & having straight sex which is fine, but that's all we really do now going on three years.