[highanddry]

My boyfriend is not satisfied with me no matter what I try to do. What do I do? We did have sex a lot when we met btu we only saw eachother on the weekends. We had an isuee where it hurt so I wasnt into it for a while I just now started to feel into it again. We have sex atleast 3 times a week and i do things like swim in the ocean naked to excite him or drive with my top down. But he refuses to see that as me trying or putting in effort. What else do i do? He says i rip his ego out of him and his confidence. He acts like we dont have sex at all. Yet when we do every week he says its great but he is still upset. I asked him what do i have to do to maek you happy, have sex with you everyday? He gets ****ed! It means a lot to me every time we do, he thinks I am not into him no matter how hard I try to show him I am he still believes it is forced. I dont know what to do.

[Ashlee T.]

When he says you "rip his ego and confidence out of him", what is he referring to? What kinds of things do you two fight about?

Passion and intimacy should come naturally. You should not have to be doing backflips to try and make him happy.

Why exactly is he upset? Sex obviously isn't the issue since he's still upset even after sex.

[highanddry]

Ok this is what I am understanding from our conversations, when I had sex with him before it boosted his ego and gave him confidence he felt into me and he knew I was into him. One thing we fought about was he bought lengerie on valentines day for me to wear for him, and that made me feel uncomfortable, like he is buying a gift for himself. That night we got in a huge fight about it because he took me out to dinner and made a playlist for me and because I wouldnt try all the pieces he bought on he got upset that after everything he did I couldnt do that. Mind you I bought him a really nice silver ring and engraved you are my density on it we both like Back to the future. He had been wanting one. That night I told him he was to sexual for me because I was angry. He said a lot of horrible things like you make me miss my ex. He says a lot of horrible things when he is angry but always apologizes that was the first time i did. I dont understand we love eachother everything else is great but when it comes to sex there are issues that werent there before but are now. I feel like I cant just go to sleep at night without having sex with him. I love to have sex with him but i feel like if I skip a day all breaks loose. He says I dont get it, that I dont understand him. I dont know what I broke and how to fix it.

[highanddry]

I feel like such a girlfriend. I feel like so much mental is going on that its impossible to fix. But we both dont want to break up. He says he loves me and is happy but that is our only issue.

[highanddry]

Sorry my key board is having issues "I feel like such a girlfriend"

[Ashlee T.]

It doesn't sound like sex is your only issue. It sounds like you have a lack of communication and understanding of one another. It also sounds like he's very insecure. There are alot of women who would be somewhat "put off" if their mans valentines day gift to them was a piece of lingerie to wear for him, and then he insisted it be put on RIGHT then. I agree that it makes it seem like he got himself a gift instead of something to make you feel special, something sentimental like you got him. Taking you to dinner and making a playlist was nice of him but you don't do something nice for your SO on valentines day so you can get what you want in return...you do it because you want to make them happy. The second he said you should do this for him after all he did for you (dinner and a playlist??) he turned it into an obligation which TOTALLY takes the romance out of it.

If he says you don't understand him, he needs to explain what it is you don't understand. You should, under no circumstances, lay down every night and feel it is your duty to have sex with him.

I don't think you broke anything. I just think he's going to let you think that because if you think you've broken something, you're going to be working overtime to try to fix it....which means he gets what he wants all the time, gets more attention, etc.

[highanddry]

I understand, I feel crazy because I feel I am trying but he says I am not. I ask him to tell me what to do, and he said I should know. This has been a problem for a year he says and I get confused because he tells me we are great and happy and I see that and then out of no where bamb we have arguements about sex. I just dont know how to approach this or tackle this or get into his head. He says that everything is always about me when I suggest easing into sex instead of just bamb sex. I dont know what to do I am so Lost he wont give me any suggestions either. He is really stubborn, either I am the one that is being stubborn or he is, but I feel I am really trying and when I give him examples of me trying he says i did those things just for examples. Its hopeless i feel.

[Ashlee T.]

Sorry, but it seems like he's toying with you and playing games with you. He's enjoying keeping you on the edge wondering what you did wrong. It's absurd. Why are you putting yourself through the rollercoaster? All the while, this is deflating your self esteem. It seems like you're in a no win situation with this dude. He's keeping you hanging on with some "nice" moments, but that simply isn't enough. He's being selfish, wants what he wants with little regard for what you want and he's playing games with your head. Plain and simple. Either you tolerate it.....or you don't. What's it gonna be?

[highanddry]

Well thank you, I really am going to have to think about that. I really appreciate the response. I Hope I can help you out next time

[leezard]

I have you agree with BD -- sex isn't an "end all be all" to a relationship, and should never be used against anyone.

An ex of mine once told me that just because I was mad at him wasn't a reason to withold sex. The thing that he didn't realize was that to have sex was not just his decision or his right -- it was mine, as well. This was a man I thought I loved, but in reality I think I was just scared to be alone, and had such low confidence in myself that I thought I was at fault for all of the times we fought.

In reality, he was selfish, over bearing, controlling and, over all, simply scummy. Why anyone would continue in a relationship for over two years with anyone like this is, unfortunately, not beyond me... because I did it.

I don't mean to turn this into a "me" thing, but just wanted to use it as an example that... yes, there ARE greener pastures on the other side, and not all men are like this. Sex is one of the worst reasons to be angry at someone, and if he's really so neglected he always has masturbation. I realize that many people hate that men have to resort to that, but let's face it -- sometimes they're in the mood when you're not, and when you want something you generally go and get it. There are worse things than "Palmela Handerson" that they could resort to!