[*~Kira~*]

alright - that's fine. to each his - her - own opinion.

just please realize that that there are many other ways to spice up your sex life without porn. and if statistics and history tell us anything, it is likely that his fascination with porn will escalate & fascination with you will de-escalate as a result.

go which ever route you choose - just don't be fooled into thinking the only way to make sex nasty & fun with him is to celebrate his porn habit.

First of all you cant say that his fasination with you will decrease. He actually wants me more because he loves my confidence and and have an open mind You cant speak for my man our sex life has actually gotten better because of this I was only giving my opinion based of MY personal exprience.

[virgo1981]

I caught my boyfriend of 1 1/2 year masturbating himself while watching on line porn.
I understand men watch porn. The other day I checked his on line History and I saw he logs into the website everyday. I asked him if he was an addict he swore he wasn't he logs in when he is bored. We spend a lot of time together, we do a lot of things together and we enjoy being close. Regarding sex our sex life is good, it could be better. Sometimes he says he's tired. I understand but i feel he is tired for me but not for watching girls on line.
I'm 30 y/o and he's 41 and I like him and I want to have sex with him everyday. But I can't stop feeling bad about this. I feel he doesn't like me enough. Like if I'm not good enough. He also looks at girls on the street I know guys do that but since I caught him masturbating I wonder if he is being turned on by those girls on the street. I feel this situation is affecting my selfesteem. I already talked to him, He says he's far away from being an addict and that I need to trust him. That we have a great relantionship and I'm just looking for drama.
Is he really an addict? How can I handdle this?

I dont think if a person watches a pron movie it means that he has no interset in u or he feels that u r not sexy enough to charge him up. There are many times wen a guy wants to have sex and the lady doesnt then he can masturbat or watch porn.
It is better that he masterbates and watches porns than going to some other lady . If you love him and he loves you then trust is the only thing which can make your relationship more strong.I know sex life is important but u guys need to trust each other too.

[Guest]

First of all you cant say that his fasination with you will decrease. He actually wants me more because he loves my confidence and and have an open mind You cant speak for my man our sex life has actually gotten better because of this I was only giving my opinion based of MY personal exprience.

well - i didn't say it would decrease. i said that history & statistics indicate that it would likely decrease.

this is very true. the majority of guys who are into porn require more exciting & extreme material to get aroused as time goes on. that typically is accompanied by less interest in real sex with a real partner. it sometimes takes years - but it usually happens. i think she needs to know this if she's considering whether or not to take your advice.

your guy may not have gotten cancer from smoking - but before you advise someone to smoke, let's give them the whole picture. your relationship may escape the odds - that's great. i'm happy for you.

i'm not bashing your opinion. it seems that some women come on here & feel desperate about their situation. i just didn't want her to read your post & think your opininion was the only one.

[hotdogg]

well - i didn't say it would decrease. i said that history & statistics indicate that it would likely decrease.

this is very true. the majority of guys who are into porn require more exciting & extreme material to get aroused as time goes on. that typically is accompanied by less interest in real sex with a real partner. it sometimes takes years - but it usually happens. i think she needs to know this if she's considering whether or not to take your advice.

where is the proof exactly? also what study proved this theory? references would be nice! but i suspect this is just your theory on the matter.

plus i watch porn and i have not had to search for harder stuff, neither has my husband so I KNOW YOU ARE TALKING COMPLETE RUBBISH!

[Guest]

i thought you'd never ask.

i think the most compelling proof of this phenomenon can be found in adult DVD rental facilities in your hometown.

lets ignore the admitted attempts of porn film makers to satisfy what they indicate are increasing demands for more extreme, harder material.

lets ignore the studies that have documented the natural tendency for porn users to increasingly crave more extreme, harder material.

lets set aside all we know about human nature - the fact that our bodies & minds are BUILT to react to stimulation this way. the stimulation can be emotional, physical - whatever. if you live in a house where people scream all the time, you build up a tolerance to shouting. if you work on a rescue squad, you become less & less shocked by blood & guts on the highway. if you dif post holes all day without gloves - you get blisters (that, HD, is your body's way of defending itself against the constant pressure, or stimulation. it blisters, the skin dies, and then a callous forms. that callous then protects you from any pain - in other words, it will take even MORE stimulation to rub that skin raw again).

your sexuality is no different from your skin that way. it's designed to be sensitive to stimulation. this is why a 12 year old gets an erection when a girl whispers something about math homework in his ear - but that same 12 year old, when he's 40 & has enjoyed several years of frequent sex with his wife, will take a little more direct stimulation to pop up. it's tolerance, HD. and it's human nature. you can see it in every aspect of our use of the five senses.

rock stars experience - tinitis. their ears buld up a tolerance & get daefened - in other words, it takes more stimulation (louder music) to cause the same sensitivity.

we could go on here. but let's ignore all that.

just take a stroll through the local video store - the adult section. just browse.

look at the popular movies, titles, themes. they have become increasingly more extreme. more emphasis on anal sex - not just anal sex. gaping anal sex. gangbangs. gagging blowjobs.

come on HD, am i lying here? you say you're into porn. you know what i'm talking about. this is what movies are about now. red light series, jm productions, diabolic, anabolic. "weapons of a##hole destruction," "gag factor," "throat gaggers," "assault that a#s," "tough love," "7 the hard way."

these are the movies that are selling - they aren't underground snuff films. this is what people are injesting. this is what they are producing because it's what the market is demanding. they want to see extreme filth, which is interestingly the name of a video company that was introduced in 2005.

but that wasn't the case in the 80's, now was it. definitely not in the 70's. remember the swedish erotica, private, and other porn companies of yesteryear? they weren't anything like that. you had to search high & low to find anything having to do with anal sex. and you certainly never saw a girl coughing & gagging while a guy violently rammed into her throat, let alone entire movie series devoted to that theme.

why is that, HD? why were the movies in the 70's & 80's so different from those you find now?

because they got boooooring. people quit getting aroused by the pizza guy coming in & the lonely housewife seducing him on the sofa. so now he grabs her hair, calls her a ****, goes right for the anal until she's stretched to about 3 inches in diameter, then gags her orally until she's covered in her own vomit & saliva.

in fact, in the 90's we introduced what has ecome widely known as "gonzo" porn - incidentally the most rented/sold genre in the market. they don't worry about the pizza or the housewife - it's just reality now.

why? because it had to get harder in order to illicit the same response.

anabolic started the real trend with their "rough sex" series. not sure if you ever saw those. they involved slapping, degrading. a couple of the girls even cried. the girls were interviewed before each scene & they verbbally agreed to be slapped, choken, and bruised.

they did 2 of them. a guy named khan tusion directed them. he currently does the "meatholes" line for JM productions, and "oral consumption" prior to that. rough sex movies were pulled from the shelves pretty quickly. too controversial. the heat they were bringing the industry ****ed everyone off.

mike john, who owns JM productions, made the statement to gene ross in an interview shortly before the rough sex movies were pulled - he said that he was going to introduce a line that would make the rough sex movies look like sesame street.

shortly thereafter came the gag factor movies. then the tough love movies. now meatholes & ****mops.

and gradually they ALL started to weave the same things - choking, gagging, slapping - into ALL of their movies.

in the "violation of..." movies, several girls gangrape another girl with all kinds of objects, spitting on her & calling her all kinds of degrading insults. violet blue, after her violation, hovers over a toilet bowl & vomits, after a gang of girls attack her in the bathroom, rip the bible from her hands & rape her with mophandles & flashlights.

why couldn't you find that in 1986?

because the bar keeps getting raised. people are demanding more, a little harder, a little kinkier.

and when that gets old, the industry is always ready to subject another "performer" to whatever kind of treatment will keep the market coming back for more.

seriously, hotdogg. there isn't anything you could have asked me to prove that is more obvious that this. it's liking asking me to prove to you that the grass grows when it rains.

just go outside & open your freakin' eyes.

[hotdogg]

yawn!

still no named studies then!

still no references to back up your little theory!

so basically you are just giving your view on the matter that does not equal evidence or proof.

and those dvd titles that show abuse are aimed at sickos ( for instance the types of guys that think it is ok to beat up their wife or girlfriend).

i would not buy or watch stuff with abuse in it neither would my husband. so proves you wrong again!

[Guest]

and hotdogg - those titles you said were for sickos...

guess who won the esteemed 24th annual avn awards last year?

breakin' em in 9 (this is from red light)

"hand to mouth" won the best oral-themed release - this is where you see the girls gagging and choking. it's really healthy.

"outnumbered 4" by eric everhard won best foreign scene. this is another one where you'll see insults & abusive, degrading sex.

jake malone's "f#ck slaves" one best 3-way scene. this is the scene with sasha grey. she's only 18 years old. and it's really sweet the way she's treated here.

and...

you got it. weapons of a#s destruction 4

and this is the best one:

slave dolls 2, from elegant angel. do a google search & check out the promotion for this masterpiece.

hotdogg, are you sure that these titles are only for sickos? are you sure there aren't more people watching this kind of stuff?

just checking.

by the way - guess who the director of the year was? jim powers. the guy who does meatholes, p#ssmops (yes they urinate on the girls), gag factor, and anal full nelson.

he was the director of the year, hotdogg. this is the highest honor a pornographer can recieve.

he produces movies where guys urinate in girls mouths.

i'm not sure what's more disturbing. that he films this - or that people masturbate while watching it.

or that you defend it...

[Guest]

this is from robert jensen's university board-approved & widely published research (university of texas):

When the legal restrictions on pornography slowly receded through the 1970s and ?80s, and the presentation of sex on the screen was by itself no longer quite so illicit, anal sex became a standard feature. Anal sex was seen as something most women don?t want; it had an edge to it. When anal sex became routine in pornography, the gonzo genre started pushing the boundaries into things like double-penetrations and gag-inducing oral sex ? again, acts that men believe women generally will not want. The more pornography becomes normalized and mainstreamed, the more pornography has to search for that edge.

This analysis is not news to the industry. As Jerome Tanner put it during a pornography directors? roundtable discussion featured in Adult Video News, ?People just want it harder, harder, and harder, because like Ron said, what are you gonna do next?? Another director, Jules Jordan, was blunt about his task: ?[O]ne of the things about today?s porn and the extreme market, the gonzo market, so many fans want to see so much more extreme stuff that I?m always trying to figure out ways to do something different. But it seems everybody wants to see a girl doing a d.p. now or a gangbang. For certain girls, that?s great, and I like to see that for certain people, but a lot of fans are becoming a lot more demanding about wanting to see the more extreme stuff. It?s definitely brought porn somewhere, but I don?t know where it?s headed from there.

[hotdogg]

"i'm not sure what's more disturbing. that he films this - or that people masturbate while watching it.

or that you defend it..."

now lets get one thing straight i have never defended extreme porn! i would not watch it!

also those links are crazy! so people who view porn think rape is a lesser crime? pure madness!

one thing i learnt at university is that you have to take the internet with a pinch of salt! alot of the so called studies are not very good, and lack evidence to conclude a particular theory.

if those studies were true porn would be banned! women would not be able to leave the house because 99% of the male population would be waiting to attack them! women would be violently attacked and violated by their own partners. their children would be sexually abused!

it does'nt sound very realistic does it now? but that is what your so called evidence is claiming.

now i have wasted to much time on this subject you are already covinced that porn is evil and the viewers are deviants! so carry on believing that! I KNOW DIFFERENT.

i wonder how the men on mens health would view your theory about porn! i bet they would not like being seen has sexual deviants, which is probably the reason you choose to haunt the womens forum, you are much more likely to get people to agree with you here.

[Guest]

OK, HD. i'm certainly not expecting you to agree with me. i do hope, though, that others might read our debate & become a little more aware of the true nature of pornography and its increasingly devestating impact on our world.

so, a few replies...

"...you have to take the internet with a pinch of salt."

i agree. but, how is this relevant? none of the studies i presented to you were done on the internet. universities don't endorse research that is not done correctly. most of the studies i posted links to were done at universities.

you can certainly say that you don't agree with the findings. that's fine. that's also why i originally posted the foolproof evidence that you find when you peruse the dvd titles that are released each year. not to mention that admissions of the guys who make this stuff, themselves.

no one can manipulate those findings. they speak for themselves - and you have failed to address the blatant evidence their words offer to my argument.

"if those studies were true porn would be banned!"

we could only hope so. unfortunately, our society doesn't ban things simply because they are proven to be unhealthy and/or harmful. if profit is involved (and it unquestionably is here), laws find a way of slipping easily by.

"women would not be able to leave the house because 99% of the male population would be waiting to attack them! women would be violently attacked and violated by their own partners. their children would be sexually abused!

it does'nt sound very realistic does it now? but that is what your so called evidence is claiming.:

well, no. most of the empirical evidence i offered attests that porn desensitizes viewers & causes them to desire harder, more extreme - and yes, often violent - pornography.

while there are countless studies linking violent crime to porn, i'm not going down that road here. i'm only responding to your request: you asked for references to studies that prove that porn viewers increasingly desire harder, more extreme material. these studies - as well as the content of the titles released, the trends that you & anyone else can observe in the industry, and the comments of the porn producers themselves - have all proven my point flawlessly.

BUT...

since you brought it up. we have never seen violent sex crimes, abuse of women, and pedophelia enjoy such prominence as is does right now, today.

this only conjecture, but i just can't believe it coincidental that porn has become more mainstreamed & accepted than ever before AND SIMULTANEOUSLY more violent & degrading to women than ever before.

that's just uncanny. but, like i said - not my point.

"i wonder how the men on mens health would view your theory about porn! i bet they would not like being seen has sexual deviants, which is probably the reason you choose to haunt the womens forum, you are much more likely to get people to agree with you here."

this is a characteristic i've noticed about you, HD. when you're cornered, you revert to personal attacks. we don't know each other so i honestly don't care. but, for the record, it doesn't help your argument.

i didn't come to this forum to crusade against porn. but i immediately noticed all the posts devoted to the subject - women who were torn apart over the issue. it sparked my interest & tapped into my passion for this topic.

i've stuck around, despite not being a woman, for a few reasons. probably the most important being that i've actually been able to offer a hopeful viewpoint to a few women who were really hurting over this. being a former porn abuser who contributed to the problem for several years, i'm thankful to have the opportunity to do that.

but also, these debates help me to sharpen my swords - the swords that i will use for whatever time i have left on the earth to hack this evil phenomenon - yes, let's spell it out: i'm very interested in obliterating your civil liberty to make, purchase or use porn - to pieces.

if i can help just one person expose the lie that has infiltrated so many unsuspecting people - to help just one realize that, no, porn doesn't have to be my reality. well then i'll be happy about having stumbled into this site.

as for the men in the men's health side - first of all, i don't see many. i went looking & found very few real threads & even fewer posters. i would welcome the debate with anyone - despite gender.

and i truly couldn't care less about how a guy feels about my argument. i've never called anyone a deviant - not you or any other porn user. but if that's the message someone gets from the factual representations i offer - doesn't bother me. porn is what it is, regardless of how the men who use it feel.

you're right about one thing, though. women do have a stronger response to the issue. because women are being ravaged by it at a much more alarming rate than men.

i probably would get les sresponse on this forum if i posted about prostate cancer than i would on the mens forum.

finally,

"now lets get one thing straight i have never defended extreme porn! i would not watch it!"

i'm glad. unfortunately, though, you can't separate the porn you watch from the mainstream porn that is being produced, which is extreme. sure, you can choose not to buy it. but you can't spend money on porn without supporting the industry. you can't speak on behalf of any porn without upholding the industry. you can't advocate for the rights of any pornographers without endorsing the industry.

porn is categorized for your viewing pleasure. but it exists, and functions, as an inseparable whole.

you may only see the fin - and tell everyone that's all you're interested in - but the fin belongs to a man-eating shark. you can't let teh fin into your water without having the whole shark come in.

and right now this shark is devouring souls.

you've been shown the teeth marks. you can see the bloody bodies of the attack victims for yourself. you've been presented with evidence of the shark's presence.

and all you've repeated, over & over is that you & your husband have been swimming for years and it never bit you. meanwhile people all around you are being ripped apart savagely.

keep your head in the sand on the beach, HD, if you like. i'm hoping some others who might read our posts will have a different response to the unquestionable evidence.

i can assure you it won't stop biting people unless we get it - or us - out of the water.