[LanaBear]

I'm definitely on the kinky side of things by my own standards as well as probably many others. There is not a lot I wouldn't try and a lot I've tried and do like. But there is also a time and place for it all, it's not necessary all the time, sometimes "vanilla" sex is just as good.

[rcoreyus]

I'm surprised at how even the poll is. Just shows that there is a lot of variation in what people like. I do wonder though if people who like "kinky" and those who don't have have a happy relationship - will one always feel that they are missing something and the other that they are being pressured to do things they don't want? I'm fortunate enough not to have this problem, but I could see is as being as big an issue as when partners want very different frequencies of sex.

[ItsASecret]

I'm surprised at how even the poll is. Just shows that there is a lot of variation in what people like.

lol the internet allows for open discussion. This same result may not occur if you walked up to someone and asked them to quickly answer the question. It is all about anonymity.

I do wonder though if people who like "kinky" and those who don't have have a happy relationship - will one always feel that they are missing something and the other that they are being pressured to do things they don't want?

I guess it would depend on how strongly that kinky person feels they should have whatever kink action they like. If someone is a "well we do actually have to do this but I do admit I like it" kind of kinky person then they are not consumed by their desire to have the kink act and may not want to pressure their SO. If someone is completely involved and wallows in disappointment because their SO does not absolutely get enthralled and love anal sex then it can cause a problem. I think if people learn to understand their partners kinky side but not necessarily do whatever act because they honestly do not like the idea then a couple can still remain happy. Couples can compromise to still be happy. One may be into BDSM but the other freaks out at the thought so the compromise is tieing with only silk scarves and the night goes just fine.

But it goes back to how strongly the kinkier individual believes they need to have the act, how they expect their partner to try and like it, how much time they spend trying to convince their partner to do it...all those consuming thoughts kind of thing can cause problems. It would also depend on the act itself. Maybe a guy is a complete vanilla sex lover most of his days but he will admit to his wife that his secret fantasy is to tie her down with painful straps, beat her with a whip, and degrade her with name calling....she could be standing there in shock because maybe she does not want to be beaten. It may be his ultimate fantasy but she is so not into being called names or being hurt that the chance of it happening is less than 0. Or maybe the wife likes to perform anal acts on her husband including licking but he is too grossed out by the idea of licking mass amounts of bacteria and possible infection...he could honestly understand she wants to do it but he is thinking it is just too much of a kinky act to go through with it.

[DreamP346]

I identify as kinky but my spouse is Mr. Vanilla. When we met we were both a little on the kinky side. As time went by, he became more vanilla and I became more kinky. I have never pressured him into anything, but at the same time I do feel like I am missing a lot of experiences that I would like to have. I also feel embarrased to ask him for things that I know he is not really into. Its not the perfect situation, but relationships take a lot of effort. There are many other things that we are compatible in and though this is not one of those areas, we make it work.

The thing is sexuality is fluid. Maybe I am just going through a phase of kinkiness. You never know. Its how you negotiate the relationship that counts.

[rcoreyus]

sp346 - thats another interesting question - how much does it change. My personal level of "kinkiness" has stayed pretty constant over the years. It hadn't occurred to me that it might change significantly over time- except maybe for someone becoming more willing to admit their kinkiness.

[DreamP346]

sp346 - thats another interesting question - how much does it change. My personal level of "kinkiness" has stayed pretty constant over the years. It hadn't occurred to me that it might change significantly over time- except maybe for someone becoming more willing to admit their kinkiness.

As a society, we love to label everything into nice neat corners - gay/straight, kinky/vanilla, man/woman. But there are actually many levels between those 2 dicotomies, even gender. There is the sex between your legs, the sex in your genes (and no, they are not always the same), the gender that you identify with. Same with attraction. Research has shown that women are more likely to become involved in same sex relationships in their older age.

Kinsey talked about sexuality on a scale of 0 to 6 with 0 being completely heterosexual and 6 being completely homosexual. If you look at people over their age, they will identify in different areas of that scale. Why are people more likely to experiment in college but may later lead more heteronormative lives? That is because our age, experiences determine how we feel and react and that influences our sexuality.

I can tell you for myself, there are things that I am crazy about now that I found very unpleasant sexually when I was younger. It could be a combination of having experience now and wanting more different ones, maybe its the knowledge that I know that there is so much more to experience, or maybe it is that I am less sexually inhibited. Most likely a combination of those factors. Once I experience them all, maybe my curiosity will subside and I will find myself prefering the routine stuff again.

As we mature, our tastes mature too. Why is it young kids hate sushi but adults are willing to pay a lot of money for it? Being open to the idea that your sexuality it not constant can be liberating and fun. There is nothing wrong with staying constant, but its knowing that things can and do change is what makes it all interesting.

[Stillness]

This is an interesting question, rcoreyus. You equate kinky and adventurous in the original post. I think of kink as deviant sexuality. Adventurousness would be the willingness to try different things. While they could line up, they don't necessarily have to. A kinky person could just be into one kinky thing. A non-kinky person could be very sexual and open to many different sorts of sexual expression, just not kinky ones.

[ItsASecret]

You equate kinky and adventurous in the original post. I think of kink as deviant sexuality. Adventurousness would be the willingness to try different things. While they could line up, they don't necessarily have to. A kinky person could just be into one kinky thing. A non-kinky person could be very sexual and open to many different sorts of sexual expression, just not kinky ones.

That is a good point kinky vs. adventurous, but what is considered kinky vs. adventurous. Someone may think anal sex is a deviant kinky act while another does not see it as deviant but adventurous. Are kinky things only those that are eye opener "oh my God why would you do that" type things such as urinating on a partner, or BDSM, or is it something like anal or sex on the beach?

[LanaBear]

I think what is or isn't kinky is a very individual decision. Like everyone else has mentioned, what I may deem kinky and what somebody else may deem kinky are probably two totally different things. Just like what is or isn't normal, it is very individual. I don't think anal sex is kinky, it is just normal to me. Others may think anal sex is kinky. Again, getting my butt spanked during sex, normal, somebody else it may be kinky, etc. It could go on and on.

[rcoreyus]

I was thinking of "kinky" as something that you think others would be surprised or disturbed by. I completely agree that this isn't a very good definition. I tend to fall back on "I know it when I see it". I was really trying to get an idea of people's attitudes about their own sexuality. It similar to the range of "sex is fun play" to "sex is serious and spiritual" (and of course maybe it is both for some people.

I guess that now that my own sex life is back in good order, I'm just trying to find something interesting to discuss here.....