[Zoe Atkinson]

Im in a lesbian relationship my gf is bisexual and mastubastes during sex but doesn't see why it's a problem to be thinking about being with a man we been together a year and I've not been able to give her an orgasm without her moving me away just as she's starting to have an orasam she don't see it as a problem. It really upsets me and makes me feel really angry and hurt and very jelous (I know that makes me sound pathetic) but I want to be the one to give her an orasam she gives me orgsams and I want to be able to return the favour what makes it worse is she try's to hide she's even doing it when it's ovs I can tell she doing it she knows it upsets me but just says I'm being selfish not wanting her to do it her self.

I really don't know what I should be feeling about it but all it makes me feel is hurt.

[jns]

Does your gf only orgasm from masturbation or does she also orgasm from oral? Oral is something she cannot do for herself.

In general, look carefully at what she does to get herself to peak and use it to gain new insight into what turns her on. Find out what it is about a man that gets her there and see if you can do something similar. Maybe do some role playing after some examination of the circumstances.

[Ashlee T.]

I think you're overreacting. Why do you say she's thinking about a man? If she's bisexual, that just means she has the capability of being sexually attracted to both sexes. That doesn't mean she's always going to want a man, or always going to want a woman. Obviously if she's been with you a year and things are going good (I'm assuming, other than this?? ) then she likes YOU. Just because she masturbates doesn't mean she wants a man, it may simply mean she needs penetration or gspot stimulation to reach orgasm. Do you really want her to never have an orgasm just because she doesn't have one the same way you do?

Is there more to this? Are you insecure in the relationship for other reasons?

[Zoe Atkinson]

It's not that I think she thinks about men she has told me she does and that I can't give her an orasm reckons no one can that she's only ever had one in her life but it's a life I am touching her and she's just about to start having a proper orasm then she moves me.

Goes for a fag comes back and starts doing it again. And she's always told me that she imagined me having sex with a man and that it turned her on. So no I'm not just thinking she is she is she's even tryed telling me about this day dream she had about watching me having sex with a man that's supposed to make me have a orasam hello I'm lesbian. Yeah too right I'm insecure my gf hides when she mastbabtes pretends she's not doing it when she is coz she's moaning but has told me a few times b4 that apprently she's on in the mood then starts doing that. So yeah I'm Insucure i'm insurcure coz it makes me feel bad like I'm not good enough.

[Zoe Atkinson]

And another thing that bugs me is I was having a convastion only the other day about hugging how I love it when she faces me when we hug in bed and what she said about it kinda annyoyed me she said well u got to realise I'm used to being with a man they do spoons then in the morning wanna **** coz they have a hard on well excuse me for not having a **** then the next remark I got is she used to like doing it everyday oh yeah how come I can only just managed to get her to touch me once a bloody week if I'm lucky if that's the case. Like thats meant to make me feel any better if she hadnt of said any of that I would not be Insucure that she's going to leave me for a man coz after all reckons she in a lesbian relationship coz she's not strong enough to be with a man coz she's had her heart broken by one which was 7 years ago and I was frist relationship since him.

[jns]

This sounds in many ways like one of a couple using porn to masturbate or even past relationships to. It makes the partner feel inadequate due to that person not being able to replace those thoughts and images. This is what is driving your insecurity. I would probably feel inadequate in such a situation.

That being said, have you both used a strap-on on the other? You wearing it and giving her the feeling of penetration. If it worked to give her orgasms, she would bond to you because of you doing it. For her wearing it, she would penetrate you and replace wanting to see you have sex with a guy with her doing it. If you decide to go this way, get something comfortable, not outlandishly large. Make sure she gives back to you what you want out of sex when it's your turn.

[Ashlee T.]

The lesbian + bisexual combo is often a tough one. Because you KNOW she enjoys sex with men, and because you don't have a penis......to some extent you are always going to feel inadequate. It sounds like she's a very sexual person...very open, likes to fantasize, knows what it takes to get her off. She can stifle that part of herself to suit you which isn't fair to her. Or you can pretend her fantasizing about men doesn't bother you, and that's not fair to you either because it truly does bother you.

Have you told her in a calm low emotional state that her talking about being with men really bothers you? Her saying those things like about the spooning sounds pretty insensitive to me. You can't ask her not to fantasize...but you can ask her not to constantly throw it up in your face. It would be like if the girl you dated before her had big perky breasts when perhaps hers are average or small.....and then you continuously said things about how you are using to doing certain things a certain way because of your exes big beautiful breasts. Regardless of gender, it's insensitive to compare one person to another, especially outloud to their face. I would very clearly tell her it's not acceptable....because honestly, a relationship in constant fear of inadequacy and in constant fear of rejection is no relationship at all. It's highly likely that you two gals just may not be right for each other.

[Zoe Atkinson]

we have talked about getting one she's worried if we get one from the net that it will get delived to next door which i told her that won't happen we even went in the ann summers while away but they had no strap on's they didn't have dildo's they had vibotors but they not really the same they not as strong that is the only way i've ever manged to give her an orasm with a vibator that we use as a dildo. she thinks i've got no right to be upset that i'm just being selfish i just don't know what to say to her coz she feels angry that it upset me but i've never ever had a problem with any of my ex's.just don't know what i'm meant to feel about it coz all i feel is angry very angry i litally have to walk out the room b4 i push her out the bed or cry she's seen me cry over it but it bugs me that i'm not meant to be bothered about it, but if i go out on a night out with my friends it bothers her but i ask her to come but she won't coz she's a loneer and has no friends her friends are just her family but when i get dressed up to go out she is jelous for weeks that i'm doing it for men when hello i'm lesbian inlove with her don't even so much as look at anyone else don't want anyone else but her but yet i hear about it for weeks but i can't be upset when she actually does think about someone else

[Zoe Atkinson]

i have spoke about how it makes me feel she's seen me really crying coz of it and thinks i'm just over reacting i said if i spoke about my ex's like that there would be **** on. i'm friends with some of my ex's and if i so much as as oh i am going to meet up with such and such there's **** on so i don't talk about them anymore but she comes out with things like this is when i miss him and i liked him he did this or that its really upseting. what upset me even more is when she says in a really inamate moment that one day i'll be married to a man with kids when i just told her how much i love her and how much she means to me but just coz i'm not a butch lesbian and i like doing my hair if i'm going out on a night out just coz i'm femme then appently i'm bisexual just coz when i was on the rebound over 2 and a half years ago i slepted with a few blokes that i didn't enjoy doing makes me bi well i'm not but theres no convinsing her that

[Zoe Atkinson]

don't know why the words being **** as i only put h.e ll on