[low]

I'm really struggling here people, so any advice greatly appreciated.

My boyfriend of 3 yrs is really into anal and constantly asks me, jokingly and seriously, for it. We've done it twice before and I don't enjoy it, each time it hurt and in the first instance i bled.

It's something that is really starting to come between us. We'll ignore it for long periods and then we'll have a huge fight, the most recent being where he called me a prude and said that I was denying him a huge part of what sex is for him. That he had made an effort ( as in we haven't done anything) and i haven't. We made up, as usual, later and both said we'd make a bigger effort to meet each other half way.

But what is half way? He plays with the area with his hands and while it doesn't do anything for me i don't object, but it feels like a constant struggle where he tries to go that bit further and I try to stop him. I can't relax and its really starting to get to me.

i love him so much and in every other respect he treats me so well, i always believed (& we've talked & made plans for the future) that he was my future husband but lately this issue is getting harder to ignore and/or find a way around.

is it over?

[rosekitten]

I'm sorry, but he sounds like a jerk. Not wanting to do something sexual because you don't enjoy it, and because it causes you pain, are perfectly valid. Just because you are in a relationship, doesn't mean that either party has the right to force pain onto the other (unless they want it, but that's a different topic) or to force their partner to do something they don't want to do.

[rcoreyus]

I think that no one should be pressured into doing sexual things that they do not want to do. I also think that no one should be in a relationship that does not allow them to enjoy a part of their sexuality that is important to them. Break the first rule and someone will feel unhappy and used. Break the second and they will feel unhappy and resentful.

If anal sex is that important to him, and it is something that you really don't enjoy, then maybe you should not be together. I certainly don't think you should do something that you don't like and that is painful. I don't know how important anal is to him, but it sounds like it is very important.

I know that other people will say that this is a trivial issue for him to be unhappy about - but only he knows how important it is to him.

[DreamP346]

Relationship are all about compromise. I think you already compromised by trying it twice even after it was painful. But at the same time, it is something very important to him. How about you guys make a deal that since it is very painful and even damaging (bleeding) to you, you will make an effort to accomodate his need by offering it once a year. Maybe a birthday treat. Maybe with time, you will get used to it and won't hurt as much. He also needs to be understanding that this is something you are willing to do for him regardless of the pain and discomfort it causes you so he doesn't demand it more often.

[jamesmarshalls]

Anal sex, well a little bit complicated. In my opinion I think that would not be an issue I know anal sex is really feel good for us guys. But I think forcing my partner to do it is not a good idea. I love sex I really love it but I really enjoy it when we both enjoy it. Try to satisfy him before he wants to to the anal I think that was another option.

[LanaBear]

Oy... Okay... I'm a huge fan of anal, I really enjoy it, but with that said, like the others have stated... Your boyfriend seems like a real jerk. You've tried it twice, didn't care for it. That was a great compromise on your part and if he thinks it is that important, well, then maybe it is time to say goodbye. Sexual compatibility is important, so if this is important to him and equally important to you (not partaking in it), then think long and hard about what the two of you are wanting.

[edawn]

Did you tell him it hurts you? That should matter to him. If he really cared about you HE would compromise. You should definitely make sure you explain to him why you don't like it or why you don't want to do it. Being as honest and open as possible will help

[cjane1]

I would get out of the relationship . If your plans are to get married sooner or later it won't last long. He sounds very selfish and wants what he wants and will keep nagging you about it. Quit wasting your time with this loser.

[bbesgiant]

Are you still struggling? You still want advice? Do you want advice on how to enjoy painless anal sex? I can give you some advice if you really want to try; or, as you say, find your way around? Well, test the power of the words "NO, NEVER" Then ask him if he can live with that forever. He'll tell you if it's over.

[ItalianSweetie]

I am not a big fan of anal sex, either. To me it is uncomfortable and painful. I will do it once in awhile for my husband because I know he really enjoys it, but he would never make me feel like I have to do it. Your bf should be more understanding about this, especially if you are telling him how painful it is for you. He sounds very selfish, and if I were you, I would tell him straight out, that you don't want to do it. If he gets angry, then he really doesn't care about you or your feelings.