[Quest]

Hello.

I am not female but since this board has mostly females in it I feel I can get an answer to my question which I hope is Ok.

I don't have any experience with relationships but I would like to get a girlfriend, the problem is I have a fetish for bondage(with females being the ones in it). I would hate to put 6+months into a relationship and find out my hypothetical girlfriend won't participate in it when I finally ask.

Will most females be OK with being tied/handcuffed once in a while? Should I state my fetish up front in my quest to find a compatiable female?(it doesn't seem appropriate to do so).

Note that I don't want it to be the primary feature of the relationship, I want a normal relationship + bondage sex.

[ItsASecret]

A lot of women really enjoy bondage and a lot absolutely do not, it really depends on what you are asking for and of course the woman's opinion on it. There is a broad variety of things included when someone mentions bondage, some may think of only light tieing up with say a silk scarf or someone could jump to the conclusion that a person wanting bondage means chains, whips, and tight leather clothing with a lot of BDSM involved. The easiest thing to do is to talk about what you and your partner would like in bed. Mention light things like "what are your thoughts on lightly tieing each other up nothing too serious just some fun?". That easing in makes a big difference, if she already enjoys light stuff then maybe she will be more upfront with future things she would like. There are women who are totally okay with light stuff but want nothing to do with whips and pain while other women may want the full meal deal. All women are going to be different so it is just up to you to talk to your partner once the relationship develops and if bondage is something that is an absolute must in a relationship and your future partner wants nothing to do with it then it is up to you to decide whether or not you would want the relationship to continue.

[DreamP346]

Light bondage has become pretty main stream these days. Many people try it at least occationally or try it once. That doesn't garuntee each woman will be into it. I don't think you need to wait 6 months to find that out. Once you start a sexual relationship with a woman, you can begin talking about that you want sexually. She may not want to try it at the beginning of the relationship, but you can assess her openness to it. Bondage involes a lot of giving up control and completely trusting the other person. You may not be able to actually practice it with somebody until you are in an established relationship.

The other thing is that most people are willing to compromise to please their partners. As long as you are not asking for extreme bondage and only looking for it occassionally, most people, even if they are not into it, will be willing to do it for their partners.

[rosekitten]

It depends on the level of bondage you are into. Personally, I refuse to be tied up. Period. I don't like being whipped/spanked. However, I love being my husbands domme. As sp346 mentioned, light bondage is now pretty mainstream, but depending on what you're looking for, that may not be enough. If you're interested in finding people who are, you can look for local munches. There are also websites that are tailored for people that are into more than just light bondage. If you're interested, please feel free to message me privately, and I can help connect you to BDSM groups if that's more what you're looking for.

[SaharaJim]

You may want to "test the waters" when approaching bondage.
Try gently pushing her against a wall and holding her hands by the wrists over her head while kissing her. Another time try holding both her hands behind her back as you are kissing her. Both times be firm BUT GENTLE. If she seriously struggles-- it is a no go and you need to look elsewhere for a woman to fulfill your bondage fantasies. If on the other hand she responds "favorably" you have a candidate that you can discuss how she was feeling and if she wishes to experience that feeling more strongly.

[rosekitten]

You may want to "test the waters" when approaching bondage.
Try gently pushing her against a wall and holding her hands by the wrists over her head while kissing her. Another time try holding both her hands behind her back as you are kissing her. Both times be firm BUT GENTLE. If she seriously struggles-- it is a no go and you need to look elsewhere for a woman to fulfill your bondage fantasies. If on the other hand she responds "favorably" you have a candidate that you can discuss how she was feeling and if she wishes to experience that feeling more strongly.

That's not necessarily true. Very few people can hold my arms/hands in any sort of restrictive way. Even light bondage takes trust in your partner, so just because a woman doesn't want someone new to do it, doesn't mean it isn't something she wouldn't be interested in.

[SaharaJim]

I agree Rosekitten that this is not a "sure" way...but it will give you something to work from. As for holding a woman in a "restrictive way"; I've only met one woman I couldn't. But the idea here is not to use force but to see how she reacts to "gentle" restraint. Real force in terms of restraint is another matter entirely. Absolutely the "trust" level has to be high. "Most" people are "panicked by being unable to "move". "game level" restraint means that the sub can escape if they truely wants to, hence the "toy" cuffs instead of the "real thing". But here the Dom is simply testing how the potential sub reacts to the sensation of mild restraint; you will know by the reaction how they are likly to respond. From what I glean from your posts...a person attempting such restraint on you would be set straight so fast their head would swim. Obviously no potential for subjugation. On the other hand a sub will almost always respond "passionately" when the gentle restraint is applied. Some neither "struggle" nor "respond". Those are the enigma.

[Quest]

Light bondage has become pretty main stream these days. Many people try it at least occationally or try it once. That doesn't garuntee each woman will be into it. I don't think you need to wait 6 months to find that out. Once you start a sexual relationship with a woman, you can begin talking about that you want sexually. She may not want to try it at the beginning of the relationship, but you can assess her openness to it. Bondage involes a lot of giving up control and completely trusting the other person. You may not be able to actually practice it with somebody until you are in an established relationship.

The other thing is that most people are willing to compromise to please their partners. As long as you are not asking for extreme bondage and only looking for it occassionally, most people, even if they are not into it, will be willing to do it for their partners.

I'm not sure what is classified as light bondage. I like handcuffs/legshackles/gags and shibari. I'm not sure if posting this name is Ok or not but there is a website named "Restrained Elegance" which focus in the bondage I am more interested in. To me it doesn't look very threatening. I actually find S&M to be funny or disturbing depending upon how real it is, it's not something I have an interest in.

Somewhat related is the often ignored fact that most males can pretty easily overpower a female. Thus a female isn't actually loseing any control if she is willingly restrained, she is simply loseing the illusion of control.

[DreamP346]

There is no set definition, but mainstream bondage would be using scarves and blindfolds, maybe handcuffs and some vanilla bondage kits. The stuff you describe would definitely be more for the person whose into that scene. Like rosekitten suggested, visit the local meet up. You will be suprised how many "normal" people practice this lifestyle. For most people, this is just something that they enjoy in addition to other sexual activities. Just because they move in the BDSM circle, doesn't mean that is the only thing they practice.

I know BDSM has become a catch all phrase for non vanilla sex, but not everybody pratices all aspects of it. There are many people into just bondage and dominance, and not the SM part. Actually, they are very different things that just somehow seem to get lumped together all the time. These meet ups will be filled with people who practice this lifestyle exclusively to people just checking it out and exploring. Its a great way to meet other people with liberal views on sex.

[rosekitten]

Quest, BDSM is just a catch all for all aspects of the lifestyle. My husband and I are only into the Domme/Sub aspect of it. A lot of bandage, and shibari is a new addition to our interests. You'll find sane and crazy people in the community, because there are sane and crazy people everywhere. I would define light bondage as silk scarves, light blindfolds, and very loose restraints. As far as your comment that control is an illusion, that is only true if you have no respect for the people you're involved with. My husband can overpower me, but if he does so in a way that is abusive, I will leave his *** in a heartbeat. I may not have as much physical control as he does, but I do still have control.