[rosekitten]

What sites have you actually gone to? The reality, is that on most dating sites, most people are only looking for sex. Period.

[Stillness]

Uh, in this hypothetical scenario we would already be having sex, I can pretty much say with certainity if I wanted to do something against my hypothetical girlfirends wishes she couldn't stop me but regardless my point isn't that she should do something because I could force her to do it, my point is that it's unfounded for her to not do bondage because of fear of me doing something to her we had not agreed upon.

I understand your logic. It's flawed. Unless...is your hypothetical girlfriend a quadriplegic?

[smithsd]

I think I would want to know about your fetish at the beginning of the relationship, because it sounds like a deal breaker if she isn't into it. In fairness to her, she probably wouldn't want to waste her time either if she is not ever going to go there.

[notlikethenormal]

That's not necessarily true. Very few people can hold my arms/hands in any sort of restrictive way. Even light bondage takes trust in your partner, so just because a woman doesn't want someone new to do it, doesn't mean it isn't something she wouldn't be interested in.

Agreed. If a man I'm dating were to try and restrict me in any way it would probably send me into panic mode. BUT if I was in a full blown relationship and I was completely comfortable with my partner I'd probably try anything as long as it didn't involve pain.

[SaharaJim]

Agreed. If a man I'm dating were to try and restrict me in any way it would probably send me into panic mode. BUT if I was in a full blown relationship and I was completely comfortable with my partner I'd probably try anything as long as it didn't involve pain.

But here we are talking about a "test" to see if a potential partner is "responsive" to domination. By "restrict' i am assuming you mean force not "easily overcome".
A "true submissive" doesn't submit because of weakness or fear; but because they "choose" to submit. As I said in my earlier post: "firm but GENTLE". If she struggles and/or says anything "negative"- release her IMMEDIATELY. But "some" will respond with a greater intensity of passion-some knowing exactly why and others not having any clue. This is designed to be the lowest level of "restraint"; easily resisted or terminated; but allowing for a "taste" of submission. If she responds it opens the relationship for "discussion" of bondage- you don't bring ropes and chains on the next date! The OP was asking for a way to "broach" the "subject"; and, as I believe I said this is not "foolproof" or a"shortcut acid test". Developing a full Dom/Sub relationship is a slow gentle task. But you DO need to know if the potential "sub" is "turned on" by the prospect of "restraint".
If not you will find yourself trying to "talk" them into something they don't want.
BAD IDEA for all involved.

[Quest]

What sites have you actually gone to? The reality, is that on most dating sites, most people are only looking for sex. Period.

FetLife, Alt, bondagedateing, I'd be interested in more but regardless I think it's unlikely for the girls on there to really want what I want or share anything in common with me. Also I don't mind some fat(about equal to my own) but obesity is no go.

I understand your logic. It's flawed. Unless...is your hypothetical girlfriend a quadriplegic?

It's not but regardless we're getting off topic.

I think I would want to know about your fetish at the beginning of the relationship, because it sounds like a deal breaker if she isn't into it. In fairness to her, she probably wouldn't want to waste her time either if she is not ever going to go there.

The problem which has been mentioned above is that, the girls reaction would be different depending on the state of the relationship and her own personality.

Something she may be freak out by right at the start, she may be OK with 6 months in.

And how would I even go about telling her in a least creepy fashion that didn't make it seem like I have a torture chamber in my basement? "You would look cute in handcuffs", "Ever tried shibari?" ?

The fact that I'm interested in more socially conservative females makes the problem even greater.

Agreed. If a man I'm dating were to try and restrict me in any way it would probably send me into panic mode. BUT if I was in a full blown relationship and I was completely comfortable with my partner I'd probably try anything as long as it didn't involve pain.

How long does it take to get into a "full blown relationship" and be "completely comfortable"?

[ItsASecret]

FetLife, Alt, bondagedateing, I'd be interested in more but regardless I think it's unlikely for the girls on there to really want what I want or share anything in common with me.

And you assume this because of what? Have you asked any of them or do you feel that no one can have similar interests in you because it has not already happened? With the off chance a random woman you go on a date with is going to like the bondage lifestyle that you so want your only legitimate option left is those dating sites to establish that common ground. If you are wanting a select type of woman, a lot really enjoy bondage no doubt but if you are looking for a specific type of woman in the specific type of fantasy sex then you will need to establish the common interest of bondage first and foremost. It is only a matter from that point of asking a woman out on a date to establish the emotional aspect of the relationship. It is going to likely take a lot of searching to find that one, many people who are not even into fetishes seldom have the success of finding that one special someone. It is not possible to look at someone on a profile and say "nope not for me". You need to talk to people, go on dates.

And how would I even go about telling her in a least creepy fashion that didn't make it seem like I have a torture chamber in my basement? "You would look cute in handcuffs", "Ever tried shibari?" ?

The easiest way is to make a joke about it to establish whether or not a woman is receptive. If you are having a nice dinner or night out with a woman you do not say "hey so I have this fantasy of heavy bondage you game for that?". Or if you are already in a relationship you stwo should be able to openly talk to eachother about your fantasies. But unless you find yourself a woman who is a dominatrix by night and casual business woman by day you will need to look and look and look and go on several dates and possibly enter several relationships find that one specific woman you want. The ideal relationship does not just appear because you do not actually want to go out and put in the work towards searching for the specific relationship....well I should say that is not entirely true because there are women who are more than happy to be whatever you want in the bedroom or outside of it in life if you pay them in a heavy monthly cheque.

How long does it take to get into a "full blown relationship" and be "completely comfortable"?

This is entirely subjective. It could be a mere couple of weeks or it could take months to establish a "full blown relationship", however being completely comfortable with a partner can take much longer. It is completely subjective.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think assuming that once an emotional attachment has set in, that you can in-fact introduce this to a person and be correct.

What if she felt you weren't being honest to her?

What if she never ever contemplated it and never would?

What if she walks instead, yet you had feeling for her.


Honesty up-front at least to a degree I think is highly important.. You don't have to lay all the cards on the table but you do have to lay some.

I understand you are looking for the whole package, who isn't when joining dating sites? I disagree that dating sites are all about sex.. For women, it's about finding another partner in hope.

I always think, if you know what you want, know what you are after, you'll attract it by ensuring you are assertive enough to tell it how it is.

Failure is falling down and losing and not getting up again.

[Element]

I think the woman is going to be more concerned about how you treat her, especially when she's bound. Communication is the best key in the bedroom. Explaining what you do every step of the way so she can mentally prepare for it, know what she's getting into and what she'll face. Also the care during and afterwards. Education is needed for both parties.

My man was upfront with me that he worries about me being bruised afterwards and if I don't communicate, ie tell him that it's too tight, it's hurting; he won't do it again with me. Afterwords he always looks at what parts of me were bound and makes sure I'm all right. He worries about me being hurt more than getting off, to be blunt about it.

She'll also need to know why you want to do things. It's not just about your pleasure, it's about hers as well. What she will experience, what she will enjoy, anticipation, all of this needs to be discussed.