[AshB$]

It really upsets me to think about it. He doesn't have a horrible past or anything like that. Pretty much an ordinary guy. He's had two previous partners before me, which really bothers me to think about. I was a virgin when I met him. He was my first but I really wish I was his. I kind of want to cry right now thinking about it. He always says he never truly loved them and he hated it (I know his previous relationship, his ex was super abusive towards him. She gave him two black eyes. The relationship ended involving multiple police cars.) He said he wish he would have waited for me. Even before we were dating, just as friends I asked him out of curiousity at the time if he was a virgin, he said no. It didn't bother me then. It didn't even bother me when we first started dating. I think after I lost my virginity is when it started really bothering me. While we were discussing this before dating, the one thing he told me is I should wait til marriage (even though that didn't happen) because he really didn't want me to regret it as bad as he did. I don't regret it because I know he's gonna marry me. I want 1 partner, forever and always.
I just always think if he was happier with his exes. If they had sexier bodies. Pleased him more. They were more intimate. All that. I know I was the first he ever had sex without a condom with. But I'm still getting really upset over it. It ruins my day sometimes. I try not to bring it up to him because he gets upset and feels bad.
It's almost heartbreaking. Something I can't change. I'm so self-concious. I just really want to cry. I don't know if I can get over this, I'm gonna marry him obviously, but is there anyway to ease the pain? It's really something that hits my soul hard.

[acerousme]

sweetheart, forgive him for his past. Its what you need to do. If you don't you'll go nuts! Two partners is better than 10. And yes I know you would have much rather have been his first, but things in the past cannot be changed. So why stress over it? All you are doing is hurting yourself. He's marrying you, nobody else! You may not have won the battle, but you've won the war!! Don't stress yourself out sweetpea!!

[AshB$]

Thank you so much! I'm trying. I'm not really "angry" with him, but I do feel like I need to forgive him. I know he'd change it if he could. It still hurts. I just have to overcome that bump in the road. I don't think it'll be easy, but it does need to happen.

[Aprilily]

He loves you, he is marrying you. Those other people are exes for a reason. He is obviously very happy with you-you please him, he finds you sexy, etc...
Everyone has a past (sexual or otherwise)-it is part of what makes us "us".
Easier said than done, I know, but you need to reconcile this, what's done is done. I'm sure he is not comparing you the way you are comparing you. Let the ghosts of the past go.

[acerousme]

You're forgiving him already Ash...you're doing great! Give yourself some credit, chick!! You're making strides! Just smile, and know that you've already won!

[rcoreyus]

Almost everyone has some sort of past. Whether he hated those women, or enjoyed his time with them, or even loved them, he is with you now. In fact you should be careful not to pressure him about his previous girlfriends, don't make him feel he needs to say he hated them. I was with one other woman before getting married. I cared for her a lot, maybe even loved her. We decided we were not compatible and parted on good terms and I still wish her the best in her life, and happiness with her husband of many years. I do not in any way dishonor, or diminish my love for my wife by doing this.

People do not have a limited amount of love in them that gets used up. Having loved one person does not make someone unable to love as much in the future.

[Hugo-B]

Maybe check out mine and elements conversation in the thread I started 'number of previous partners'.

x

[Ashlee T.]

Definitely read the thread Buddhaboy started.

First and foremost, you've got to get out of the mindset that he has done something that even requires your forgiveness. He should not have to apologize for the decisions he made before he met you or started dating you. How can you forgive him for something that had nothing to do with you?

Forgive, by definition is to free or pardon someone from penalty; or to excuse a fault or an offense.

What is his offense against you? That he slept with other people before he knew you existed? To me this is not about forgiveness, as he has done nothing to require your forgiveness for this. He has done nothing to warrant your judgment. To me this is about jealousy. Sometimes when we are not fully content or happy with where we are, we look for things to dwell on and be unhappy about. I believe you're looking for something to dwell on here. There are millions of beautiful women in the world. Alot of which he will be exposed to at some point in life. You've got to get the jealousy under control now before it's too late.

I have no idea if this has anything to do with why you're so angry at him like you mentioned in other threads. But if it does, SERIOUSLY give some thought to this because you're asking for the impossible. He cannot change his past, and he should not be punished for it. Plain and simple.

[AshB$]

Well now I'm so angry because he lied about some stuff involving these partners.
Honestly, it's whatever now, I would have rather he slept with 10 girls than have him lie to me even once.

[avvie_88]

I really feel where you're coming from.
Although in my relationship, I had more partners than he had. But the experience he had still bothers me.
Our relationship started as best friends a LONG time before. I knew about his experiences(s). But I found out after we were together as a couple WHY he lost his virginity to who he did.
It still makes me feel crappy now even though it's been years I've know. It's not a pleasant thought when you love someone. I wish he'd been my first, he wishes he hadn't been stupid and I was his first. But that's not how it worked out. bottom line is, we're with each other now, and we're committing ourselves to each other, and that's more than any girls he was with or any guys I was with gets.
I don't think it's something you ever really "get over"...I just don't think about it much anymore. When I do, it sucks, but it doesn't come up often.

As for the lying...depending on what it was, he very well could have done it because he didn't want you to hurt anymore over it than you already are. It doesn't make lying right, but I feel like (I don't know what he lied about, I'm just suggesting) it could have come from a thoughtful place.
I purposely (the rare times it comes up) give my fiancee vague answers to questions about my sexual past because I know that stuff bothers him, and there's no need to delve deep into it and throw salt in the wound, so to speak. I'm not lying, it's just pointless **** that has NOTHING to do with OUR life and would needlessly make him hurt more.