[chaya]

My husband has always been too shy to “check me out” down there. For a long time after we got married he would blush and turn his head when I undressed in front of him. That’s why I was so surprised when last night he asked me “would you mind if I looked at you”. I said go ahead I’m right here but he said I mean looked at you and he turned his head to look at my groin area. I told him to go ahead and laid back and spread my legs a little. I think one of his male friends put him up to it and that means he has been talking about our sex life with them. I suppose that’s no worse than me posting things here on WH.

Well he was down there looking and even moving things around with his fingers to get a better look. I know I shouldn’t have been but I was so embarrassed that I was blushing and couldn’t even speak or look at him. No man has ever looked at me, down there, before except the one that raped me when I was 17. While my husband was looking, I couldn't help but remember that night.

When he finished looking, we got on with the sex. I noticed that he was extremely aroused and hard and I thought I was in for a lot of pain but he barely got in in when he finished. Maybe this means he's going to take more interest in foreplay, I hope so. I want to ask him about it but I’m too embarrassed to bring it up. I'm wondering if I should reciprocate by checking him out, maybe that would get me aroused like it did him.

[jns]

Good for him to be willing to see a little more of you. He should know what is normal and be able to tell you when things aren't normal. And hopefully he will get so he gently uses his hands and tongue to get you turned on before intercourse. Maybe it took kidding by his buddies to get him to move forward. I'm sure he would like you to check him out, too. Hopefully you'll like what you see.

[AshB$]

My fiance checked me out once. He noticed my birth mark down there haha. Yet he wasn't so open to me checking him out. He let me, but I think he felt a little weird. Reason being, no one has really "examined" him like that before. Not that anyone has ever looked at me down there before him. But I feel completely comfortable with him.

If he can check you out, you should be able to do the same. Love, especially marriage, is a mutual thing. You shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. Your husband had probably always been shy about looking down there. But I bet the curiousity was eating at him. He is your husband. Open up to him. Feel free to ask him anything. I believe marriage is supposed to be ultimate relationship, meaning that is the one person you can trust. You gave your life to him, and his to you. Don't be shy about talking about it. I know it may be a little hard, but remember, this is the man you are spending eternity with. You have no need to feel embarrassed.

[chaya]

I don't know why I was so embarrassed when he was checking me out. I don't get embarrassed when I undress or am naked in front of him. I don't even get embarrassed when he walks in when I'm sitting on the toilet or showering.

This will never lead to oral sex, he considers that a perversion. Once when I started to give him a BJ, he pushed me away and later told me to never do that again. He said if I did that he would never be able to look at me without thinking about that.

[Hugo-B]

I've never heard of a man rejecting a woman who wants to give him a BJ. When he said he'd never be able to look at you without thinking that I take it he meant in a bad way?

[jns]

chaya, he probably was told by his mother and possibly others that oral was dirty and even the sex organs by themselves were dirty. It is hard to overcome such programming. It may take time or it may never happen. The fact that he was extra hard means that his instincts are normal, even with such indoctrination. Maybe you can have him check down there every once in a while until he becomes more used to that part of your body. Maybe something such as an ingrown hair from trimming. Or you think you are getting a pimple. Or you have a hot spot or blister. Etc. If you are clean but still have your feminine scent, that just may drive him wild along with the the visuals.

I wonder how his work buddies view him on such things. Sooner or later he may end up being the first responder to a naked woman and he cannot lose focus and get embarrassed about it because that could put him in a dangerous position.

[Stillness]

Yeah, a lot of my friends think that oral sex is wrong. They don't believe that sex or the sex organs are dirty, but that they shouldn't be used in that way. I'm pretty sure this is not an uncommon sentiment. Your husband is definitely not abnormal, Chaya.