[notlikethenormal]

Me? If there isn't sex on the first date I won't even consider the possibility of a second or third date.

LOL no not you The OP.

[redsox]

first off thank you buddhaboy! I do NOT think you meant it this way, I just want to clearify... the reason i put tall, fit, and succesful is because some people that read this will see the topic and they read it out of curousity to see what is wrong with him. were over 100 now. For the record I am not living at home, I dont have a cat, I don't have a star wars collection... I am a normal looking guy that does things other guys do and I don't think anyone would think V if they saw me. I don't have a fear of talking to women or men(for what thats worth??) I don't put myself in situations often enough to meet women and then when I do I can't make the transistion to physical after geting to know them. I admit the fact I have a confidence problem and it goes without saying something about my social skills are off. I know I have low self esteem/confidence when it comes to getting physical but it not like I can go to aisle 12 and buy some at the store. I am a flawed person but I haven't meet anyone yet that has everything figured out BTW no one has addressed my question of would it scare you away? Really I guess that means is this something i should keep till after if I feel the connection is real? or never tell?

[redsox]

I am not worried at all about physically dissapointing her or an embarrassing encounter! From the way my friends talk the first time with someone new never goes 100% smooth, no one know what the other wants or likes. Like I said before I am talking to women, just one now and we are still getting to know each other. Physical is something that will come up. pun intended

[notlikethenormal]

I would not be scared in the least if a man told me he was a virgin. I'd respect him first off then admire the fact that he has so much self control.

[Hugo-B]

I can answer your question right now: yes, it will discourage some women, encourage other women, and many will regard it as subjective and look at you as 'whole' and not just as a 'virgin'.

I can't answer questions for you like "should I keep it until I find a real connection" I think if that was what you were really after you would have re phrased your original post and asked something like, 'I'm looking for the one to lose my virginity to and I cannot find her'. Reading between the lines again I think what you mean is you're looking for a woman with whom there is sufficient trust, comfort, and connection for you to to feel 'right' losing your virginity. Again, there is nothing wrong with this and I would, and did require exactly the same when I was in your situation.

Finally, I think you'll have a tricky time trying to tell a woman you're not a virgin when you are. I think honesty is the best policy here, but the one thing that's critical is TIMING. Don't write 'Virgin seeks...' on the heading of your internet dating profile, or blurt it out on the first date; alternatively, don't wait until she gets the condoms out and say, 'oh, BTW I've not done this before', although that wouldn't be as bad as the former. I think if you find yourself the type of woman who typically waits 3 months before sleeping with a prospective partner you'll be on the right kind of route.

[ItsASecret]

Definitely would not scare me if a man told me he was a virgin. I actually commend it due to all the other a-holes around looking to just rack up numbers and really ruin it for women these days when they are looking for a decent man to date. A man who is a virgin would, hopefully, not have the high ego complex of thinking that "it worked on my ex and previous partners so it should work on you I am the best". He, hopefully, would not expect sex or the behaviors of his partner to be a certain way based on previous partners, he would hopefully not expect sex to happen right away after meeting, he would be more gentle due to the nervous nature of the first sexual encounter, and hopefully he would not get up and leave after the sex happened lol. As a woman if I was in the situation of dating again and a man I was seeing disclosed that he was a virgin I would actually quite like the lack of experience, no arrogance attached to performance, and no initial expectations like other guys who just want more numbers and to quickly bang and leave. I like the idea of teaching and taking the time to experience the situation rather than just hookup and leave. Dating nowadays is not often about meeting someone for the dating, it is all too often a man or a woman looking for a quick hookup and there will be some individuals who would not want to deal with teaching someone about sex.

[Hugo-B]

There you go Redsox, compatibility and mutual respect is key, and no amount of manipulation, sexual experience or lack of can change that. It seems you're in a better situation than you believe.

[redsox]

I am not saving my self for the one!, it just may not be the first willing girl. Who is going to ask a 32 year old if thay are a V??? No One! Honesty is best but their is a chance she will be scared away. Don't think I can take that chance. I am not a mental midget!!!! I am not after some virgin fetish woman and I know timing is important if I choose to tell. This was a mistake talking about this!

[DreamP346]

redsox, here is the honest truth from a women.

15 years ago when all I was looking for was a good time, hearing a man was a virgin would have made me uncomfortable. If the guy seemed nice in all other aspects, to me it would signal that he was looking for something commited and that would have sent me screeming in the other direction. If he was nerdy and a little socially awkward, I would be more accepting because I would attribute his virginity to lack of social skills and if I liked everything else (because I do like the nerdy type), I would have given it a try. It might even be sexy to try being a guy's first. I am a take control type of gal and would have been up for showing a guy a good time because I would know that I would be showing him the time of his life.

I would not advertise that you are a virgin. Once you have gone out a few times and made a connection and started to get a little physical to the point where it looked like you were about to have sex, then I would tell her (only if you want) because at that point she wouldn't be running away. If you tell a woman you are a virgin and talk about commitment and marriage and that type of stuff, you will definitely scare away 99% of the women. If you feel uncertain about your sexual skills, read a lot of books and watch better sex videos (not porn). I wish all men would read up on technique. Having lots of experience doesn't garuntee they will be good in bed.

Here is a suggestion that may work. For your first time, let her take control and be on top. Then you don't have to worry about not knowing what to do. Also, it will help you last longer. Its completely fine to ask her to be on top. Hope that helps.

[notlikethenormal]

I would suggest only bringing up the virgin factor when you start to discuss a physical relationship, meaning if you've kissed-made out- done any kind of oral or manual sex.

Your not looking for the one but not just any ol girl. So if you've been on a few dates and have done some physical stuff I think thats the right time to tell her.