[Hugo-B]

I am not saving my self for the one!, it just may not be the first willing girl. Who is going to ask a 32 year old if thay are a V??? No One! Honesty is best but their is a chance she will be scared away. Don't think I can take that chance. I am not a mental midget!!!! I am not after some virgin fetish woman and I know timing is important if I choose to tell. This was a mistake talking about this!

Redsox, there a million and one things that can scare a woman off, some women are put off by men who don't drive an expensive car, or have a stamp collection. Being too loud is off-putting to some women and to others being too quiet is. I know girls who are put off by men who've been in prison whilst others find it a turn on.

What you're essentially saying is you'd rather not risk potential failure and the humiliation that comes with it, even at the expense of never experiencing the feeling of a sexual and emotional connection with another person? Life starts where your comfort zone ends. Fear of failure, rejection,and humiliation are probably the BIGGEST factors that stop people from even attempting to achieve their goals in life.

It took me until I was 19 to go further than kissing a girl, when I lost my virginity to my first GF I lasted 20 seconds, contacted a urinary infection, AND her mom walked in on us - of all the 20 second slots she could have chosen that day, she had to pick that one - do you think that wasn't embarrassing for me? It didn't stop me though, in fact if you can beat that I'll be quite impressed. I emailed 100 girls on a dating site, and it only led to about 3 or 4 dates, all of which were pretty dull. I took a girl out once (on what I thought was a date) and she actually picked up a guy and took him home whilst we were out! Literally the three of us got the bus back together so she could take him home and **** him whilst I went home alone. That was pretty humiliating, and I can't promise nothing like this will ever happen to you, but that didn't stop me either. I'm here here to brag but despite these epic failures I've also experienced enough epic success to make these failures worthwhile.

You need to raise the game and step up my friend.

[Hugo-B]

These would have been good in my epic rejection thread^

[rosekitten]

I am not saving my self for the one!, it just may not be the first willing girl. Who is going to ask a 32 year old if thay are a V??? No One! Honesty is best but their is a chance she will be scared away. Don't think I can take that chance. I am not a mental midget!!!! I am not after some virgin fetish woman and I know timing is important if I choose to tell. This was a mistake talking about this!

Life is full of chances- and we miss quite a few when we live in fear. Sure, there's a **chance** she will be scared off... but it's guaranteed that you won't get anywhere if you never take the chance. The only mistakes in life are the ones we don't learn from. Why would you feel it was a mistake to talk about this? Because you don't want to hear the opinions of others? Because you didn't hear what you wanted to hear? Because it made you analyze yourself? I know a handful of virgins in their late 20's and early 30's. You know what they have in common? Fear of rejection. Until you are ready to take real chances, instead of hoping that chance brings you the perfect scenario, you probably won't really be living, or satisfied.

[redsox]

The chance I was refering to was telling her and the possibility of her freaking out. I am not afraid of talking to women, maybe not good at it, but not afraid. I make mistakes all the time, i'm human. People are talking about techniques, afraid of embarrassment these are not fears as I said before!!!! "I am not worried at all about physically dissapointing her or an embarrassing encounter!" I want to make sure she enjoys herself of course! it may take more than the one time thats all, I'll get better every time. I said before "I can't make the transistion to physical after getting to know them" So many people keep reading into things and buy doing so are further distanceing me the rest of the population. I do not walk around with a big V on my shirt nor do I want too! I do not meet women and say that I am looking for commitment. I would run like **** if a woman I went out with a few times talked about commitment!!! I am not looking for or waiting for a perfect senero. My goal is not just to get laid!! I am fine if it just a short term thing but I want to look back and think overall it was not a poor decision. Of course I have a fear of rejection as does everyone. This is forcing me to look at it differently thats why I put it up. I'm tired of defending myself and addressing things I didn't say. Talking about things that I have done like I've never done them. The 100 women, went out with 4 comment, that is internet dating its a numbers game. Its is a shallow environment but thats the way it works, been there done it! If you feel you have to belittle me to help me that technique does not work. Thank you for the nice things that were said

[jns]

Maybe you should advertise for a partner to get rid of your virginity with. I can understand if some women will hesitate due to the fear that you will do the unconditional puppy love thing once you have your first mind blowing sexual encounter. Your enthusiasm after your first sex should drive you to be more active in pursuing relationships.

[boxofparadox]

I lost my virginity pretty late in life ( at 24), so I feel your frustration. I think sex as it is portrayed in the films and general media is overrated and truthfully, there's not going to be some big parade or fireworks going off after you do it, most likely nothing in your life will change. You'll probably ask yourself " was that it?

Another issue is that culturally men are expected to make the first move, after a while if no interest is shown, most women will either assume that you're not interested and move on. Don't expect them to chase after you, it's just not going to happen. Playing head games may work for some women, but in most cases the same doesn't apply to men.

In my opinion you should focus on finding someone that you are compatible with and care about, if that person feels the same way, something as insignificant as virginity should not stand in the way. I know that if I met a 30 year old guy who was still one, I would be curious about the reasons behind it (could be religion , anxiety, low self esteem, etc), but I certainly wouldn't dismiss him because of it.

Even now, I'm quite sexually inhibited and it's incredibly difficult for me to feel comfortable around opposite sex. For me personally it has a lot to do with social anxiety that I've dealt with my entire life, which revolves around extreme fear of criticism. That, coupled with my low self esteem has taken toll on previous relationships which ended due to the fact that most men won't still around long enough to get over these mental hurdles. So I really feel your frustration.

On other hand, you can just watch a lot of porn, learn few tricks and never mention the virginity thing in the first place.

[Hugo-B]

The chance I was refering to was telling her and the possibility of her freaking out. I am not afraid of talking to women, maybe not good at it, but not afraid. I make mistakes all the time, i'm human. People are talking about techniques, afraid of embarrassment these are not fears as I said before!!!! "I am not worried at all about physically dissapointing her or an embarrassing encounter!" I want to make sure she enjoys herself of course! it may take more than the one time thats all, I'll get better every time. I said before "I can't make the transistion to physical after getting to know them" So many people keep reading into things and buy doing so are further distanceing me the rest of the population. I do not walk around with a big V on my shirt nor do I want too! I do not meet women and say that I am looking for commitment. I would run like ******** if a woman I went out with a few times talked about commitment!!! I am not looking for or waiting for a perfect senero. My goal is not just to get laid!! I am fine if it just a short term thing but I want to look back and think overall it was not a poor decision. Of course I have a fear of rejection as does everyone. This is forcing me to look at it differently thats why I put it up. I'm tired of defending myself and addressing things I didn't say. Talking about things that I have done like I've never done them. The 100 women, went out with 4 comment, that is internet dating its a numbers game. Its is a shallow environment but thats the way it works, been there done it! If you feel you have to belittle me to help me that technique does not work. Thank you for the nice things that were said

I wasn't belittling you. I was giving you examples of me being belittled by a woman (I felt belittled anyway, maybe she did it inadvertently and saw nothing wrong with her actions, I neither know nor care) and my own failures and rejections pertaining to dating and sex. I was trying to inspire and encourage you.

I brought those up to show you obstacles/failures/rejections I have had to overcome in the course of my own dating life. I was hoping that they would - apart from giving people a laugh at my expense - make you feel more comfortable when you look back at your past rejections, and make future ones more bearable since you'll know you're not the only one who deals with this kind of carp from women, it is normal, but it can be difficult to accept and work through.

In my late twenties - when I resolved to myself I was going to get much better with women - I had had to work through and deal with a ton of rejection and humiliation, and do you know what one of the most effective adjustments I made was? There were several important ones, but a BIG change in my attitude was a major determinant in securing me MUCH more female company. Of course I'm still learning, I'm no James Bond or Cassanova, that's for sure, but I am more than willing to share anything I know or have learned, and proactively share knowledge here - when and where I can - to try and stop people making the same mistakes I have so they can save time and succeed where I failed.

I can tell you're getting riled up know, and my intention isn't to provoke or embarrass you,and if it was I'd soon get thrown off here anyway. So I'll add only this: improving in any area of you're life takes work, desire and determination. It also take DOING. Improving your skills with women is no different. Like anything it's a learning curve, I feel qualified to help you because I have embarked on a very similar journey to the one I propose you embark on in order to better yourself and secure future happiness and fulfillment in love - at least as much as you can, I can't promise that will happen - I can only do my best to help put you in contention.

I'm no expert, that's for sure, but as far as learning curves go I'm offering my help to try and make that learning curve as short and pain free as possible, at least I'm positive I can make shorter and less painful as mine (see examples of my epic failures above which you referred to as me belittling you). when I went through what you're going through now I had NOTHING like this website, and no one to help or guide me, except those stupid 'pick up' books. You know as well as I do that asking your friends is inviting mockery and is like the blind leading the blind, and most people with knowledge are reluctant at least to share it.

It makes no difference to me what you do from here, true, I find it rewarding to help people, in what little way I can - I'm no mother Teresa that's for sure - so please feel free to ignore or disregard anything I say or suggest. I'm just a faceless internet poster you'll never meet.

[notlikethenormal]

redsox...

I feel anger coming out of every post from you.... what are you so angry about?? We are only trying to help...

If we suggest things and they are irrelavant to you than just say that or simply disregard them.
I know its not my issue, so I dont understand the impact its had on your life but DUDE, ITS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!!

[rosekitten]

Why so much hostility and anger? Nobody has belittled you. We are all trying to help you- had you considered that if we're giving you advice that you don't like, to just ignore it? Or had you considered that if we're "wrong" in what we're saying, that perhaps you should rephrase (or ignore us)? Nobody knows you better than you, but it would be beneficial to take the advice that is needed, and not let the rest upset you so much.

[Hugo-B]

All I have left to say is this: keep doing what you've always done, and you'll keep getting what you've always got.