[rcoreyus]

I agree that is probably an important part of it. FWIW, I've never had anything at all negative to say about the few indications of her interests that she has given. I also don't know how big a part her not wanting to seem unfair is.

rcoreyus Your wife sounds like she's shy in bed I'm like her too she probably feels embarrassed about it. And that's why she won't tell you

[rcoreyus]

I've thought about that, but it might lead her here and she would recognize my posts. I haven't posted anything terrible, but what I post here is private and I'd like to keep it anonymous.

I think there are two types of fantasies: Purely imaginary ones that you wouldn't really want to have happen, but are fun to think about, and ones that could be fun to act out in some way.

rcoreyus, maybe find her a forum like this for her to go see on her own. I know that reading other women's opinions, on these forums, made me realise that I shouldn't feel embarassed and that I was losing out on alot.

Just an idea!

(P.S. I still believe that fantasies are personal but what you want in bed is to be discovered together.)

[time2discover]

Exactly what I meant rcoreyus, it's the imaginary ones that I keep to myself.

And I know what you mean about the forums, it's helped me so much, I thought of telling my husband
to go look and realise that women and men don't all think the same when it comes to sex.
Same reaction as you, got worried he would figure me out.( He knows I'm doing this though cause I told him)

[rcoreyus]

Knowing you are in a discussion forum is different from knowing who you are and reading the posts. Anonymity is important because you can be completely honest with strangers in a way that might not work with someone you know.

As far as fantasies, some of the "imaginary" ones might be acted out in real life - and might even be fun. Others might not. For some of the more outrageous ones there is always the worry that your partner may be disturbed - I posted a poll / question about this.

[time2discover]

It's not so much what they are but basically that it's my fantasy. Like I said earlier, when it comes to masturbation, you could say it's my "me time" and so is what I fantasize at the moment, even if it's my husband I'm fantasizing about.

I guess the point is, if my husband knew what I'm thinking at that moment, it would take the spark out of it. If this makes any sense at all!

We are complicated creatures.

[JonDoe]

Actually Jondoe, I don't think she's being dishonest I just think she's embarrassed. Yes those are too different things but your suggesting she isn't telling him because she's got something she's hiding which that doesn't sound like the case.

I'm not suggesting anything to anyone. I was commenting on my situation. My wife was dishonest with me. If my wife wants to keep her fantasies personal, fine, then simply say so, but don't lie and tell me you don't have fantasies.

I just want her to share something with me, even if it is tame as another poster mentioned about making love in front of the fireplace. WOW, that sounds incredible to me! I don't expect her to tell me something that will shock me, but I'd be OK with it if she did. I just want her to suggest a position or place to make love. I want my wife to occasionally tell me where and how she wants to be touched. I'd like her to tell me that she wants me to throw her on the bed an make love to her. I'd be so much happier if my wife took half as much interest in pleasing me in the bedroom as I do for her. I want passion and spontaneity!

[chaya]

I had sexual fantasies when my libido was high. Now that it is between zero and -10, the only fantasy I have is not to have sex, ever.

I still have sex with my husband regularly, I am his wife and it is my responsibility to satisfy his needs/desires. I don't find sex unpleasant and take some pleasure in giving him pleasure. There are even times when I become somewhat aroused but it never results in climax or orgasm. I wish it did.

[Mischelle40]

In answer to the original question, I can say that it IS possible to have no fantasies at all. To have sexual fantasies implies that you want sex. I don't want it at all. I am female and don't have any. In fact, though I have sex fairly regularly with my spouse for his sake, I don't want it at all. I guess my fantasy would be lack of sex at this point. I have no sex drive and no libido. I CAN orgasm, even though I don't want to. My husband insists because it gets him excited. I don't masturbate. I used to have a sex drive and libido, but I lost some of it during the child bearing years, and this last couple, as I approached 50, it left completely. Nothing excites me, no secret fantasies, and I can't tell him what feels good because nothing really does, and if it is sort of good today, tomorrow it will change. It just isn't worth the hassle to me. By the way, if I had fantasies I would not share them with anyone at all. Not even darling hubby. That is why they are fantasies. Because they are yours alone. Chaya (above) would like to have orgasms again and can't. I don't care if I ever have one again. During my orgasms, the thought going thru my head at this point is "finally, now he can have his and it will be over". I know nearly all men and lots of women on here will not understand that at all, but it is just not worth the trouble to me. If we don't share, it might really be because we have nothing to share.

[Guest]

hi guys

i may not be true but i feel

sexual fantasy = 6th sense

or we ll will just mate n wake away like animals

and not to hurt anyone

[rcoreyus]

that is so sad - for you and for him (he is probably aware that you are really enjoying things). Sex is such an important part of a loving relationship - have you considered seeing a therapist?

In answer to the original question, I can say that it IS possible to have no fantasies at all. To have sexual fantasies implies that you want sex. I don't want it at all. I am female and don't have any. In fact, though I have sex fairly regularly with my spouse for his sake, I don't want it at all. I guess my fantasy would be lack of sex at this point. I have no sex drive and no libido. I CAN orgasm, even though I don't want to. My husband insists because it gets him excited. I don't masturbate. I used to have a sex drive and libido, but I lost some of it during the child bearing years, and this last couple, as I approached 50, it left completely. Nothing excites me, no secret fantasies, and I can't tell him what feels good because nothing really does, and if it is sort of good today, tomorrow it will change. It just isn't worth the hassle to me. By the way, if I had fantasies I would not share them with anyone at all. Not even darling hubby. That is why they are fantasies. Because they are yours alone. Chaya (above) would like to have orgasms again and can't. I don't care if I ever have one again. During my orgasms, the thought going thru my head at this point is "finally, now he can have his and it will be over". I know nearly all men and lots of women on here will not understand that at all, but it is just not worth the trouble to me. If we don't share, it might really be because we have nothing to share.