[nufi]

Hello,

my girlfriend refuses to receive oral sex, she told me she had it once with some past partner and afther that she got a vaginal thrush. So automatically she expects that this would happen again if she allows me to go down. Everytime I wanted to do it she looked at me like if I want her to make her suffer.

Are these fears reasonable? Wasnt it just a random bad luck? Or is there some hidden weird excuse in this?

[jns]

Ask her: "If a girl got a STD from her partner, should she give up on sex altogether after she was cured?" How about a guy? It is probably that she is scared due to her one bad experience with a guy that was carrying thrush in his mouth. It may also be possible that she doesn't like the idea of you giving her oral for another reason such as "its dirty", religious objections, "I'm uncomfortable" or some other reason. Talk with her to find out what is her mind set. Possibly get a clean bill of health from testing.

[nufi]

Sometimes I get very frustrated about our sex life. She acts like a very open person, so I had to listen a lot about her past partners and how she experiened that or that...after some time I picked up some courage and told her that I dont want to listen to all that, that there are some things that I dont need to know. Its my first serious relationship, too bad I didnt know how I will dislike this "old partnerts talk" before and I cant erase my memory now.

The thing is - since our relation (1 year) we had sex only in two positions (she on top and missionary) and only in bed, so its starting to be stereotypical...the frustrating thing is that the guys before enjoyed some adventure with her and I am not getting anything of this. I was used to enjoy giving oral sex, having doggy-style position or to do it in the car. Now its always the same...

Is there any "right way" how to talk about this stuff? Everytime I suggest something she postpones it in the future, which generally means it will never happen. I asked for doggy...she said "after we will move together" (we moved 2 months ago - nothing). I said that the idea of a schoolgirl turns me on, she promised she will buy it...nothing again. I tried to take the lead a bought handcuffs, they are in a drawer and were never used yet...

[jns]

Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe the previous guys were more assertive and thus led at least some of the time. To me she sounds self centered and controlling. That is why she went on about her past relationships, not caring how they made you feel. Of course she knows you cannot counter since this is your first serious relationship. Can you live with this relationship as it stands? How about if it gets worse?

[nufi]

Her ex partners were mostly "bad guys", dont know why women are attacted to them, but my girlfriend was no exception...dont tell that for being an *** your partner rewards you with a better sex life, that sounds sad to me. :-(

I think it cant get worse, it was pretty bad one time. She never realized how painful can be to hear "Yeah, I exprienced that with some other guy..." But after I took some courage, we spoke about these things and she is more silent about the topic of past sexual partners. Its just not doing well to me and I think I have a right not to know everything. Too bad I found this courage too late and there are some things which stay in the memory, thats why there are sometimes thoughts like "Hmmm, some *** was able to do that, why not me?".

[JonDoe]

Don't ask, do. Take the initiative, that's what I believe she wants. Buy her a schoolgirl outfit, don't expect her to go shopping for your fantasy. Don't let her see the outfit until you are about to have sex, then hand it to her and with a smile tell her "put this sexy outfit on for me". Don't ask her for doggy-style sex, guide her to roll over with your hands. Don't force her, simply guide her. If she is willing, then she will gladly follow your lead. If not, try talking to her about it, maybe she has a reasonable objection, or is not comfortable trying new things. Communication is key to any healthy relationship, especially a sexual one.

[Magnetism]

If a woman had a bad experience with oral sex, I can see why she wouldn't want. I personally only like my clitoris licked, but can clamp up if a man is aggressively licking other parts. When being licked, I need the man to be on the spot and gentle.

Maybe you can let her know that you want to make it pleasurable for her and what would help make it pleasurable. I would wonder why she doesn't like it.