[Inoh]

Your girlfriend could practice inserting her own finger, on her own schedule. She won't be able to go as far in as you can, but it doesn't sound like depth is a big issue right now.

This is one of the problems... she doesn't like masturbating (out of really feeling grossed out by her vagina and all of it's functions), and even when she does masturbate she says she never inserts fingers.

Second, make sure she is excited enough before you try to penetrate her either with your penis or your finger. When I am really excited I get very wet (most of the month, anyway) and my vulva/vagina get all puffy and pouty. You will learn to recognize this pretty quickly--if you are giving her orgasms than you probably already can tell the difference. If she isn't wet enough, use lube (This is VERY important!). Try putting your finger just barely inside her and then leaving it there without moving until she is comfortable, then go a little deeper and pause again, etc. Once you have one finger all the way in and she is comfortable with that, try two fingers, then three. The main thing is to take your time and let her control the timing. (Also, please make sure your nails are trimmed and smooth.)

She does get very wet, usually before I even get down there, and on the occasion that she's still a bit dry when I get there it gets pretty wet pretty quick. It was just the last few times that it seemed to be significantly drier, but even when it is very wet, whenever we go for any insertion of anything we always go for lube as well. I always also go very very slowly with the fingers, and a couple of times in the past it's been promising - I've been able to go back and forth a bit with one finger and she says for a while it feels good, especially when it's coming out. However, after maybe a couple of minutes of this she says it starts to feel uncomfortable, and says that sometimes afterwards, it leaves her with a burning sensation (and during when it starts to get uncomfortable). There have also been a couple of times where she's said it feels strange even the day afterwards, but she's not sure if it's just a coincidence or if they are actually linked. Neither of us really know if this is normal for the first few times. We haven't really been properly going for it with the insertion, we usually try once or twice in a row and then give it a break for the next however long. I guess we probably have to keep it up. My nails are always trimmed and smooth, that is not a problem. It's kind of tough to tell if she is excited enough to go for it, because I would imagine that by the time she is really wet, and asks me for it (she always sounds like she's looking forward to it at first) that would be enough. But it's still very tight and seems uncomfortable for her. Maybe there's more I can do? There is a very noticeable difference sometimes, sometimes a finger can get in with relatively little trouble and she will even say things like "is that as far as it goes?" perhaps indicating that she is enjoying it and wants more. Have never been able to get a second finger in there though, even at the best of times and as slow and gentle as possible. It seems that if it starts to stretch the sides of the opening, that's what makes her feel very uncomfortable. Again, I think maybe we just haven't kept at it enough for it to get less uncomfortable or something.

What are you doing for birth control? obviously she is having orgasms with you, so getting excited isn't a problem for her, but maybe the though of having you inside her makes her worry unconsciously about getting pregnant?

We use condoms, even when there is no penetration if anything just to contain the mess. I don't think she is that worried about getting pregnant - the first couple of times she was but that has never been an issue since.

[shoshannah]

Maybe she needs a set of vaginal dilators. Google "vaginal dilators" and see what comes up. I just checked and they have them for sale on amazon.

[Godiva1]

I suffer for OCD myself and I don't think you should under estimate the effect this can have on your sex life. From the hand washing it sounds to me as if dirt or germs, like me is the main issue for your girlfriend. Sex is by no means dirty but from your girlfriends point of view it's something she is probably thinking about more than she even realises and as she is already in a mildy stressful situation, with the pressures of beginning your sexual relationship, her OCD will only play more of a part of what is going through her head. If for instance she worries about germs or being to tight, once the thought has entred her head it will more than likely be the only thing she can concentate on until the point she doesn't continue any longer and stops her having any enjoyment. I would suggest that the best things to do are to ensure she goes to therapy, it makes such a difference. I would also suggest when you are being intimate don't stay doing one thing for a significant period of time. OCD sufferers tend to think more during repetion, for instance if you have managed to get a finger inside her don't just stay doing the same thing. Take it out and tease her for a while on her lower stomach or upper thighs then go back in again. Keeping her guessing what you will do next will distract her from over thinking and not allow her to become consumed by one thought as she will be too busy wondering what you will be doing next.

Also from a female perspective, you do have in your head an idea of what your first time will be like. Whether its from friends or on television etc it's only the glorified part of sex you see and not the reality. The exciting and more enjoyable sex will come from experiance with each other and discovering what works for each of you. Your girlfriend needs to stop worrying about it being mind blowing and start realising the fun you can have from practice. With her expectations and the problems you have had it's not suprising her enjoyment has decreased and that is neither of your fault. I would suggest this to your girlfriend and let her know that you can have alot of fun finding out what suits you both and keep your sense of humour with it to make it more lighthearted and exciting and take the pressure away. I would suggest also trying to catch your girlfriend of guard, when she doesn't expect it to add more excitement. This should also stop her over thinking things and letting any unwanted worries consume it before you have even began. Take the lead and keep suprising her!