[Magnetism]

What were your experiences like? I'm just wondering if sex therapists can give much better or powerful advice than the common mental health therapist or doctor. Finding the right one could be a challenge altogether.

[DreamP346]

I am studying to be a sex therapist, so I may be biased. A well trained sex therapist (see the ASSECT website to find a certified one) has a lot more training on sexual issues than the average therapist. Actually, sexuality is not something that is taught regularly to therapists and doctors get almost no training on sexual issues (see my blog about healthcare providers and lack of sexual health training - this is a researched paper with studies to back up my claims, not just my opinion).

Yes, finding the right therapist, any type, is always difficult. They work with different theories and models of behavior change, so you really have to shop around to find one that is good for you.

Remember, sex therapists are mental health practitioners, so they can't help you change any physical conditions affecting sexuality. A good one can refer you to a good doctor to make sure yours issues are not organic in nature. Even if they are, a sex therapist can help you deal with it. For example, if a man has ED due to surgery and can't get it up, the sex therapist can help the couple deal with the impact this has on the relationship and also come up with alternatives to regular intercourse.

The thing about therapy, any type, is that you don't have to see one to resolve an issue. You can see one just to better yourself, having somebody to bounce ideas off, get your frustrations out, etc. It can be very helpful.

[ItsASecret]

If you are the type that likes to work out issues or questions with talk-therapy then yes a sex therapist can do wonders. If you are not the type that really responds to sitting down and having the "so tell me how you feel" type situations then it can be really hit and miss, but it does not hurt to give it a try. Sometimes it can take a few therapists until you find the one you are most comfortable with but if you are aiming to get the sex therapy then you will push through finding the one that fits you best.

In general though medical doctors are not talk-therapy doctors so they will not sit there in the office talking about your feelings or finding a way to help your sex life. Instead they will send you to a collections lab for a blood test and briefly mention your lab results later on and if there are issues they will discuss your options from there, but they will not sit there discussing what the hormones are or what they do or how they can impact your sex life they will just do the organic medical field stuff. So generally speaking if you are looking for an organic cause for sexual issues you can begin with a medical doctor for the medical stuff but sorting out and working through issues you will want a therapist.

[DreamP346]

If you are not the type that really responds to sitting down and having the "so tell me how you feel" type situations then it can be really hit and miss, but it does not hurt to give it a try.

I completely disagree. Therapists use different theories on behavior change. There are some models that don't require talking about feelings at all. For example, a therapist may ask you what your problem is, then teach you coping techniques to make behavior change. With this type of therapy, if a woman has sexual aversion, the goal of the therapy will not be to discuss the feelings about sexual aversion or even delve into the initial triggers, but will focus on behavior modification sust as visualization techniques, masturbation, etc to overcome it. The behavior change is the goal, not the emotions that caused the behavior.

This is where finding the right therapist is crutial. Some people want a therapist where they can discuss their feelings and talk about childhood influences. Others want a therapist who is action oriented and is more focused on reaching a certain goal than exploring the initial causes.

[ItsASecret]

Therapists use different theories on behavior change. There are some models that don't require talking about feelings at all.

Yes that is what I mean by hit and miss. A lot of therapy is talking through things but with the variety of behavioral techniques you have to find the right therapist that is not the talk oriented one that you may not be so keen on seeing if you know that the sit down and discuss therapist is not the one you want.

[Magnetism]

I've seen mental health therapists ongoing, and they do offer advice. I'm just wondering if a specialized sex therapist will provide action-oriented techniques to help me overcome some of the stuff I'm experiencing. I'm not interested in just talking. I know why I'm the way I am, but I want to change. My efforts at changing don't seem to be too successful so far. I've read so many articles, but it's already stuff that I know. Sometimes common tips work. Sometimes they don't.

It turns out that I may be someone that doesn't like receiving oral sex either.

[jns]

To many women, receiving oral sex requires more opening up to a partner than intercourse does. After all, oral sex isn't about studying a woman's privates, but rather about using your tongue to stimulate her enough for her to reach orgasm. Even if orgasm doesn't happen, that is still the goal.

A woman worries about how she looks down there. Is she normal? Does she smell fresh? Is she clean? Etc. She cannot look closely at herself and she cannot get her nose or tongue down there. Therefore she is anxious about letting her partner go there.

Magnetism, I have forgotten if you have said if you let partners do oral on you and if you orgasm. Have you and do you?

[Magnetism]

To many women, receiving oral sex requires more opening up to a partner than intercourse does. After all, oral sex isn't about studying a woman's privates, but rather about using your tongue to stimulate her enough for her to reach orgasm. Even if orgasm doesn't happen, that is still the goal.

A woman worries about how she looks down there. Is she normal? Does she smell fresh? Is she clean? Etc. She cannot look closely at herself and she cannot get her nose or tongue down there. Therefore she is anxious about letting her partner go there.

Magnetism, I have forgotten if you have said if you let partners do oral on you and if you orgasm. Have you and do you?

I d allow partners to do oral on me, but it's not something that I've had a lot of. I've dated men in the past that thought going down on a woman is gross, but this new guy is very much into giving oral sex. I have orgasmed twice during receiving oral sex at age 22, which was years ago. This man is trying to make me orgasm, but there's a block. It does feel good when he does it and I can feel myself getting aroused, but it stops there. I also feel strange just lying there and not doing anything. We've done 69 too to help me feel preoccuppied, but maybe it's just going to take some time. I did tell him it's kind of awkward and new for me for to be with a man that's so caring and concerned about my pleasure.


I orgasm much easier through fingering. I do relate to feeling insecure about what it's like down there before letting a man do that.

[jns]

Has the new guy tried to get you going and then slow it down and then try to get you going and then slow it down? Repeat as necessary. I have done that successfully in the past to keep from overstimulating a girl or two. It allows you to build up over several cycles and then orgasm with all of the built up sexual tension. I know there are many paths that don't work on many women, but it is just a suggestion.