[sexnlove]

I seriously feel like ME is non existant in this marriage. My husband is constantly ignoring my need for sex. All he wants to do is missionary every freaking time, nothing else. Sometimes no kissing before, and sometimes after he doesnt even touch me. He wont do fun sex on like chairs or anything when I ask him too. I SUGGEST it, and he just ignores me. Tells me every time he doesnt have time for what I want. Completely ignoring the fact that he never pays any attention to what I WANT!!!! How about oral, NOPE, how about I give YOU a BJ...NOPE, how about cowgirl on a chair...NOPE. I am fricking sick of it. Nothing I like he wants to do and he wont even agree on having sex every other day!!!!!! I am dying, I wish we could do it twice a day but he keeps on saying with my every other day request I need to go to SA(sex anonymous). No thanks, I am happy with my sexuality. I love sex, and know how to have good sex but he wont let us. It has been a problem I thought we would work thru that seems to only be getting worse with time. I just keep becoming more and more unhappy. Maybe its time for a seperation-there are a million guys who would want a girl with my drive and my love for sex. I dont get it, but its killing me. He makes me feel like a freak. I love to make love, and tonight I said this is boring...and his response was "lets do this another time". after i suggested a chair, and he knows I always want to do oral to HIM and he never is interested. What am I suppost to do, i love this man but his lack of interest in meeting my needs does not seem to be important to him and sex to me is VERY important. Help!!!

[Benni]

Would he consider marriage counseling or couples therapy?

[DreamP346]

Yeah, I agree. You guys need counselling. His drive will never be high. That's just the way he is. But he has no right to put you down for having a healthly sexuality. Therapy will help you guys on how to negotiate sex and other aspects of your life. The only problem will be convincing him to go.

[rcoreyus]

Sex is very important in a marriage, a bad sex life will leave you miserable (as I found out for 25 long awful years). Unfortunately people have very different levels of interest in sex, some are happy with once a month or less, others want it daily or more. Both are OK, but when people with different sex drives are in a relationship it is awful - the person with higher interest always feels rejected, the person with lower interest always feels pressured.

I don't know if negotiating will work - having your partner feel that sex is a chore that they have agreed to is no fun.

Your interests are completely reasonable - sex every other day, different positions, etc - all are reasonable and normal. He is absolutely wrong in suggesting that you are unusual. Things like Sex Anonymous are for people who find they are picking up different partners every day in a bar, and then hating themselves for it the next morning. You are simply someone with a normal healthy interest in sex.

The sad thing is there are so many men in the same situation that you are in - stuck with partners with almost no interest in sex.

I don't know how long you have been together, if you have kids etc, but maybe you are really just not right for each other. Maybe you need to talk to him - don't make it his fault (he probably can't help is lack of sex drive), but tell him that you are unhappy and that it isn't going to get any better.