[panda1981]

I've been with my bf for over 5 years and we just started watching porn about a year ago. Now everytime we're intimate he wants porn to be on. We usually start with foreplay and sometimes he doesn't even want sex. He'll just want me to jerk him off while he's watching porn. It makes me feel like the girls on tv are making him cum and not me. He'll even moan harder when they show anal bc he gets turned on by that. The times that we do have sex, he watches porn while he's ****ing me. I know that he jerks off while watching it on his own too.

I'm 26 y/o and am 5'0" 105lbs. with 36C **** and I know that I am quite attractive, but sometimes I feel like he can't get hard without watching porn. At times I feel like it could me my fault because I don't give him sex about half the times he comes on to me. It has become an issue for us and I'm seeking advice from others that may have been in this situation.

Am I making a big deal out of it?

[mr.mansview]

was your sex life ok before the porn? sounds like he is now getting more gratification from the porn and your hands than he is trying to gratify you..sounds like he's only in it for himself..he's getting himself off WATCHING them, instead of PLAYING with you..you say you only give him sex half the time he comes on to you; next time tell him he can have you but the porn must be turned off..

[panda1981]

i have my orgasm first

The sex was great before porn. We used to do it 4-5 times a week. But now I'm working a full-time job and find myself more tired and not in the mood as often. Now we're only intimate on the weekends. I know he is very frustrated bc he'd do it everyday if it we're up to him.

Maybe I didn't mention it but he makes sure I have an orgasm everytime (either by foreplay or by vibrator). After I cum I try to get him inside me, but he always wants me to jerk him off or go down on him while he's watching porn. After mentioning that it was bothering me, we'd have sex... but I catch his eyes glued to the tv while we were doing it.

One time we we're having foreplay without porn and he couldn't stay hard. I feel that he's turned to porn bc I've neglected him so many times and won't do some of the things he wants me too (anal). Do you think it would help if I started giving it to him everytime he asked and was more open minded?

[mr.mansview]

sounds to me that you are fairly open minded, you use sex toys and perform oral sex on him..he obviously has a fascination with anal sex but he needs to understand that that is beyond your boundaries..for some women swallowing is beyond their boundaries and the man needs to respect that..his mind is clearly on the porn if he cannot maintain an erection while you are going down on him..sounds like you want to put the blame on yourself, but the porn addiction is the real issue..you asked "would it help if i gave it to him every time he asked"..yes, it would help HIM but what are you getting out of it..you don't need him for you to have an orgasm..you're involved in a threeway and you are the guest!!

[Guest]

I feel that he's turned to porn bc I've neglected him so many times and won't do some of the things he wants me too (anal). Do you think it would help if I started giving it to him everytime he asked and was more open minded?

pretty classic symptoms of porn addiction - i'm sorry you're faced with that. sorry for him too.

it has nothing to do with you neglecting anything & it won't help if you say "yes" every time he asks.

porn addiction has little to do with sex - not how good it is or how often he gets it. it's an insatiable hunger. sure, if you do anal it will offset things temporarily. but taht will become mundane - because porn is designed to make him want to see more extreme material.

regular sex turns to anal sex turns to rough anal sex turns to three-way rough anal sex turns to bondage turns to...

if you try to keep up with the porn you'll be on a treadmill that will never stop.

you said you feel like the girls on TV are making him cum - they are. i'm sorry. doesn't mean he doesn't care about or love you. doesn't mean he's not a sensitive, great man. but he must not realize that he's actually chasing intimacy with a screen - and using your body parts for friction.

you need to help him turn away from porn - not by competing. you are you & that is enough.

have you ever discussed that it might be a problem?

[shroomgrl79]

sounds familiar

my boyfriend was into porn. before I came along but we started watching it together about 1 year ago (SO I GUESS WERE BOTH PORN ADDICTS) not really, I look at it as away to just keep things new with our sex life. now I am very open minded unlike alot of other women and there is nothing wrong with not being open. I just think that you should talk to him and ask him point blake what it is about the porn that gets him so much more........active,loud,ect...then I think you will have a better idea of how he feels maybe even spruce yourself up a bit maybe buy some new sexy night gown or something to get his attention off the porn and on to you....hand cuffs wips chains j/k but serius go all out...lol just my opinion..but of course make sure you are not going all out just for him cause he needs to meet you somehwhere in the middle. as for porn addicts you are watching it as well. he is not forcing you to right? Its all fun until the attention is not on you anymore I know how it is. dont feel like it is your fault though the only thing honestly that could be your fault was agreeing to start watching porn in the first place. Alot of women dont see how it can affect there man and they are not ready for the aftermath of agreeing to watch it. you guys are young it is totally natural to experiment dont let anyone think you are weird or wrong.

[carolnault9]

This may sound weird but I wonder if it is a couple things. I had a bf that got into wanting to masturbate and he'd please me orally, but it was like he didn't really want to have sex, sex... well after a while it turned out he felt really insecure about his own body and so much so that touching him made him feel bad... but you know sex changes over time too. With my husband when we first got married and into a routine we had a hard time of things, but then we were thinking when we were dating sex was a special thing, we went out for dates and there was this big build up and ritual to it all, but that kind of slipped when real life got into things

It sounds like there is something up with him. I doubt it has anything to do with you, but something is up and he's not understanding what... is he open to seeing a therapist?

[ConfusedGuy]

OK I know this is a women's health forum, but I can't help but to chime in. I am going to be very brutally honest, and not beat around the bush. If all your bf wants to do is have you jerk him off while watching porn, it's because he's not as attracted to you as he was before. Something's become boring, or he just doesn't see that side of you that turns him on anymore. Obviously you're very open minded, but he doesn't enjoy it anymore, that's why he has to fantasize about the girls on porn, or mayber he's bisexual and enjoys seeing the other guys penis's. But I'm just trying to give a guy's side point of view, because a guy turns to porn when he doesn't have a woman, or isn't very attracted to his woman. Good luck with your relationship

[panda1981]

Thank you all for your responses. It's true that it upsetting when the attention is no longer on me. I've caught him before doing his thing while watching porn and it made me feel like he was cheating on me. I feel that I should be the only woman that he looks at in a sexual way and even if there is no physical contact he is still mentally thinking about someone else.

I have discussed with him that it may be a problem, but he denies his addiction and has told me that he won't watch it by himself (eventhough I know he does). As for therapy, I don't think he'd be very receptive to that.

He's told me the reason he likes to watch is that it makes him cum harder. I know that all guys jerk off and all guys like porn, so I'm not sure if I'm making a big deal out of it. I know I'd rather have him watch girls on tv then for him to cheat on me, that's for sure. Am I crazy to think that getting off on porn without me is cheating?

[Guest]

no.

it isn't cheating, but it has the same impact on you - which is what's important.