[ItsASecret]

I am one of the women who also does not need an orgasm to happen during sex. If it happens then great but if it does not I am not going to feel cheated of something nor am I going to feel resentful or anything for it not happening. There is more to sex than an orgasm, some men do not understand that because they are so accustomed to orgasm in almost any case that this is all they know. One must simply understand that what works for one person does not mean it is the same for another, everyone has their own likes and dislikes and preferences. If a woman simply does not place a priority on an orgasm then she simply does not. You can try to pressure her into one but that can create resentment and pressure for "needing" to have an orgasm.

[Stillness]

There is more to sex than an orgasm, some men do not understand that

Most every man gets this. I think that most men derive great pleasure just by pleasuring their woman or through intimacy. But unless there is some sort of dysfunction we also typically have a certain expectation of climaxing. It's highly doubtful that you'd ever hear a healthy man say it doesn't matter whether or not he gets off. We're living in different sexual worlds. I'd like to understand yours, but I just don't know that it's possible. It's like electricity. I don't worry about knowing exactly how it works. I just plug into the socket when I need some.

[Hugo-B]

^^^Good post Stllness (the 'like' function has disappeared?), I agree wholeheartedly with what you're saying, especially the last paragraph. You cannot do anymore than make your best effort, if she chooses not to communicate then it isn't your fault if you're open to engaging her needs.

From personal experience I can remember having quickies with my GF when we both came within 5 minutes, and 'sessions' where we both had sex for hours and neither of us came (the first few times we had sex neither of us came for some reason). We would role play and do BDSM and it was amazing, more fun than the quickies with orgasms included.


In the Barefoot doctor's handbook for modern lovers (BB's recommended reading) Stephen Russell actually states that each party is responsible for their own orgasm. I also read somewhere that if a woman cannot climax alone then the odds of her having an orgasm, or her first orgasm via intercourse/sexual interaction with her partner are nigh on zero.

[Stillness]

In the Barefoot doctor's handbook for modern lovers (BB's recommended reading) Stephen Russell actually states that each party is responsible for their own orgasm.

Interesting. I'd never heard that from anywhere else. I got there on my own to preserve my sanity and then in hindsight remembered what my coworker told me. It was an oohh-that's-what-he-meant! moment.

Incidentally, some of the most memorably erotic and exciting encounters in my sexual life do not involve me climaxing or even penetrating. And if I had to choose between quickies with orgasms and and longer 'sessions' without, like you, I'd probably choose the latter. Neither is preferable to a fulfilling encounter complete with a climax though.

[ItsASecret]

In the Barefoot doctor's handbook for modern lovers (BB's recommended reading) Stephen Russell actually states that each party is responsible for their own orgasm.

Interesting. I'd never heard that from anywhere else.

It is actually in almost any book on sex you can find. There is always some sort of mention that it is up to an individual, especially women, to know how to orgasm themselves. That notion that a man cannot read minds sort of thing so she has a responsibility in part to make the orgasm happen.

[Stillness]

One more thing.

I also read somewhere that if a woman cannot climax alone then the odds of her having an orgasm, or her first orgasm via intercourse/sexual interaction with her partner are nigh on zero.

I don't get this. I'm not completely sold on the whole masturbation thing as a prescription for more pleasurable sex for women. What makes me unsure is the very different language that my wife uses to describe orgasm versus what I experience. But how would this be any different for a man? If for some reason a man can't climax alone, why would that same reason not prevent him from climaxing with a partner?

[Stillness]

It is actually in almost any book on sex you can find.

Ah, that may explain why I've never heard it. I got all my experience "on the job."

[Hugo-B]

One more thing.



I don't get this. I'm not completely sold on the whole masturbation thing as a prescription for more pleasurable sex for women. What makes me unsure is the very different language that my wife uses to describe orgasm versus what I experience. But how would this be any different for a man? If for some reason a man can't climax alone, why would that same reason not prevent him from climaxing with a partner?

It's just something I read, but whenever I've had trouble cumming with a woman I've had to finish myself off. Obviously different strokes for different folks...

[Stillness]

different strokes for different folks...

ba-dum-ching

[ItsASecret]

I don't get this. I'm not completely sold on the whole masturbation thing as a prescription for more pleasurable sex for women.

It all stems back to if she does not know her own body, how to make herself orgasm, how to touch herself in such a way to know which touches or pressures or locations work for her how is a man supposed to know what to do. The more she knows about herself, through such means as masturbation, the easier it can be to orgasm in non-masturbation situations such as sex with her SO. Orgasms among men and women are not the same. Men are designed through biology to get off in a quick amount of time-before that gets taken out of context it does not mean a man is absolutely supposed to finish quickly it simply means the way evolution has made things is a man is able to get off quickly so he can mate in a short period of time. So men are there having an orgasm during sex even if they do not mean to, the premature ejaculation situation...men know that if they really wanted to they can just pump really hard or think of something that definitely gets them going and they know they could finish (unless they have a medical issues preventing it). Women are not like that. We are not designed to respond in such a quick manner. So the key is to have a woman know what gets herself going, to know which buttons to push and so on so that it is easier in a sexual situation to orgasm with her partner. If she has no idea then it is essentially walking blind into the situation.