[rini sharma]

no i don't want break-up with my current boyfriend because he loves me a lot and that is the only reason i had sex with him, but in India max parents want their children should do the arrange marriage especially her daughters and my parents is one of them. so unfortunately, i'll do arrange marriage and the groove will decided by my parents

[rini sharma]

in India, virginity is the main issue for any boy who is going to marry. if a girl is not virgin it means she is not a marriage material, instead of it, a boy can have thousand times sex before marriage but a girl can never think about it if she thinks about all this it means she is manners less, and i hate this partiality

[Claret]

I think what they may come down to is how much do you want to honour your parents? If you continue to have sex with your current boyfriend and get pregnant then what will happen to you? What will your parents do? What will you do, where will you go?

You must think not only of how much you love your boyfriend, but also of your future. Is there anyway that you could get your parents to approve of your boyfriend and agree to let you marry him?

[rini sharma]

no way Claret that is why i felt regret about that moment when i lost my virginity. i really want to do marry according to my parent's choice but it is also a truth that i love my boyfriend a lot

[Magnetism]

Rini-

If this helps at all, my parents also wanted me to do an arranged marriage. They have put up matrimonial ads behind my back, stole my photos from my facebook page, and gave my number out to random strangers online. I still stood up for myself and fought it. It wasn't pleasant. My parents yelled at me, called me selfish, stubborn, how I won't find anybody, and how my life will be screwed up if I don't listen to them. I still stood my ground, and now they're off my back.

I used to be the type of woman that did everything my parents did. One day, I stopped and spoke my truth for years and years until they gave up. I understand that you may not feel that you can do this, but I'm hoping my story can help you somewhat.

The biggest hurdle is getting over the guilt and how someone will react.


I understand your irritation with how a woman should never think about pre-marital sex. I feel the same. It's one of the reasons why I decided to no longer date or marry an Indian man.

[Stillness]

Call me stupid, but arranged marriage doesn't mean you have no say, does it? It just means that the families lead the arranging, right? Can't your parents arrange with your boyfriend's parents? That way you can be with someone you already have a chemistry with and you don't have to worry about lying and secrets. That would be a horrible way to start a marriage.

[Magnetism]

Call me stupid, but arranged marriage doesn't mean you have no say, does it? It just means that the families lead the arranging, right? Can't your parents arrange with your boyfriend's parents? That way you can be with someone you already have a chemistry with and you don't have to worry about lying and secrets. That would be a horrible way to start a marriage.

Yes, a daughter or son can give their say as to whether they like the person or not. But, a parents' approval also comes into play. I don't know the whole story, but the OP's parents may think that her boyfriend isn't an ideal candidate.

I've seen Indian parents choose 10-20 men or women, and the adult child then decides which one he or she likes best. But, I've seen adult children bring their girlfriends/boyfriends home and the parents say no.

My cousin in India married against her parents' wishes, and her husband's parents didn't like her either. So, some people still do it and the parents just put up with it.

[DreamP346]

Call me stupid, but arranged marriage doesn't mean you have no say, does it? It just means that the families lead the arranging, right? Can't your parents arrange with your boyfriend's parents? That way you can be with someone you already have a chemistry with and you don't have to worry about lying and secrets. That would be a horrible way to start a marriage.

The thing about India is that it is so big and there are so many different religions, social classes, customs and cultures, its impossible to generalize. I have met folks (usually upper class from Mumbai) that were so progressive it was almost like meeting somebody from New York. Then there are also people who are super conservative and the first time they talk to their spouse is on their wedding night. I have seen arranged marriages where the couple actually manipulated behind the scenes to actually marry their lover and their parents never knew. In my culture, what is becoming more common is the engagement is set up and then there is a 6 month dating period. It rarely falls through after that point, but its not impossible and gives the couple a chance to get to know each other.

Not everybody has the ability to say no to their parents selection. Sometimes there can be peer and financial pressure.

Rini - can you tell us a little about your parents and your family's traditions. Before we encourage you to stand up to your parents and risk being an outcast, do you have other friends and family that could support you if your parents disowned you? Do you work and have your own income? Also, can you tell us about your boyfriend and why you don't think your parents would let you marry him.