[Seekinhadvice]

My husband and I have been trying to have sex for three months now. We have tried multiple positions, but he is finding it difficult to penetrate me. We do a couple attempts in each position, and then he goes soft and we have to wait to try again. What could be the causes for this and the possible remedies. It is not painful when he puts in a finger, but if he tries multiple he finds it harder to put inside. I am not sure if this is a problem with my tightness or he needs to stay harder for longer to keep pushing.

For background, we have tried missionary but finding the opening for him is almost impossible. I have tried top but it seems to hit a wall. It almost feels like I have to turn around on top anatomically to make it fit. Doggie style was a fail too. I am sufficiently wet in all situations.

We are also both virgins so that makes things a little harder to figure out.

Any help would be greatly appreciated

[Little]

If you feel like turning around while on top would be the best solution, try it out - it's called reverse cowgirl. I don't have a lot of specific information for you, except to continue trying and go with what works best, even if it feels unconventional.

It's probably a combination of issues impacting your sex life - your vagina isn't accustomed to sex, your husband isn't staying hard, you both probably have performance anxiety due to the long time you've been working at it. Take deep breaths and try to de-stress before your next sex session. Try to have the most fun possible without putting too much pressure on yourselves. I know that's hard when all you want to do is succeed and it's so frustrating when you have problems, but try

[Magnetism]

Have you tried having an orgasm before sex? Like rubbing your clitoris before he penetrates you? That helps me, because my vaginal muscles are relaxed after having an orgasm. So, penetration feels easier.

[Nholland]

Im assuming youve had a pap smear before, did ur dr comment on any irregularities? Like vaginismus or a slanted uterus? If its just too tight u can buy a kit designed to stretch it out, it comes w several dildos that gradually increase in size. U can also do a lot of experimenting without him so there is no pressure on u two, get to know ur own body first, then u can teach him.

[PinkySweet]

Get some lube, that may help him get it in easier. I really dont know what position to recommend though, maybe try it from the side?

[Stillness]

It is not painful when he puts in a finger, but if he tries multiple he finds it harder to put inside. I am not sure if this is a problem with my tightness or he needs to stay harder for longer to keep pushing...we have tried missionary but finding the opening for him is almost impossible.

So is pain what makes it hard or your tightness? If it's not pain I think you just have two problems: (1)Finding your entrance with his penis and (2)maintaining an erection. But, he might very well not have a problem maintaining it if you do 1 right.

1) First, neither of you should feel bad, because I'm an old pro and I still have difficulty finding the entrance on a regular basis. You may have to assist by holding your lips apart. You say you're sufficiently wet, but there needs to be wetness where his skin contacts yours or there is no sliding, just dry skin on dry skin. So either that wetness needs to be outside on your lips or you have to hold them open.

While you hold the lips open, he could probably hold his penis with his hand and move it up and down along your lips and side to side. That will do three things: Part your lips. Help lubricate him and you at the contact point. Help him find the opening. Alternatively, you could hold his penis and move it along your lips. (That will probably help him maintain an erection, too). Once you find the entrance with the tip of his penis you all just need to gently and slowly grind and pump together until it all slides in. Then you're good!

If that doesn't work, PinkySweet's advice to get some lube might help. At least just until you get the hang of things. That way you don't have to worry about friction between dry skin.

2) If that doesn't work. Try kegel exercises. It's the tightening and releasing of the muscles on the pelvic floor. The same ones that we use to hold it in when we have to pee. The basic exercises are holding a sustained squeeze and alternating between squeezing and releasing. They're super effective for maintaining erections.

Let us know how it goes.