[mamies06]

nighttelf,

thats a good question i ask myself that all the time, i guess im interested but im just tired and i am attracted to my husband hes a good looking man. and yes i do masturbate on my own and with him as well and i get turned on by some things also i mean dont get me wrong i love my husband i guess that hes just so demanding about sex that i feel that i have to it or else. we have sex about 1 or 2 times a week he wants it everyday i just cant keep up. is there something hat can help me bring up my sex drive.

[mamies06]

thanks for your advices everyone i really appreiciate it very much

[mamies06]

gentileben,

thank you for that advice it gave me alo to think about.

[mamies06]

rcoreyus,

by the weight i mean i used to be 110lbs now im 200lbs that makes me feel bad. in the other hand when we start at the beggining im like **** here we go again but after a while i start to enjoy it and then it gets better and better its just the start part i feel thats its really hard. and yes we have talked about how i am not interested and how i just dont care and before he would get really upset and we would fight but lately if we dont have sex he doesnt care which kinda makes me want to have it actually.

[Nightelf]

Mamie, much as I love my SO and enjoy the sex I wouldnt be able to cope with it every day either. And I know from previous experience that such a demanding libido shuts my desire down. At the moment my SO and I very well matched with libido and I really enjoy a day or so of "building up" to the actual act. I must say that my advise would be compromise. He needs to realise that you arent in the mood every day, and like you said you do enjoy it once you get into the mood. A little more wooing and romance from his side may just light your fire? I am very lucky in that my SO now understands that when I am tired from work I am not in the mood for a 2 hr session. 20 mins of good sex and two orgasms or so and I sleep like a baby with not a worry in the world. It is not like you have lost complete interest in sex, it just needs to be channeled differently to get your juices flowing again.

[mamies06]

nightelf, i understand what you are saying but he says that i should be the one to always start. i tell him that if he kisses me here and there and says nice things it might work but he is such a macho man. and when he does get like that i enjoy it very much. we have alot of quikies because he wants sex but that does not please me at all.

[rcoreyus]

Well your husband clearly still finds you attractive so you don't need to loose weight on his, or anyone else's account. You might want to for you own sake - to be able to do more fun things - running, hiking, etc. But only do it for you.

My only real concern for your relationship is that it is easy for a mis-match in sexual appetite to lead to resentment. You feel constantly pressured, as if all he cares about is sex. He feel neglected, and thinks about it constantly because it is the things he most misses.

These feelings can become poison. Eventually you interpret everything he does for you as an attempt at payment for sex. He feels he is doing everythign possible, why are you not interestd anymore.

Your mention that he "doesn't care anymore" concerns me. He may have given up - on sex, on the relationship.

One thought is to try to quality, not quantity. You may only feel like it once a week - but take time and make an effort to make it really good -for both of you.

[inquisitive1]

inquisitive1,

thank you for that great advice. and i do i go to the gym about 4 times a week i go with my hubby hes into bodybuilding and stuff and he looks good i feel out of place because he is in such a good condition and i look fat sometimes when we get invited to places i rether not go because of my apperenace, and about medication i was on depression pills a couple of months ago after my hubby cheated on me becuase of my lack of sex.

Hello mamies06-
Strange how your feelings just came through your thread, but that's a good thing. Try not to fret because all is not lost and it is not too late for you! 1.) Are you seeing any results with these work outs? Are they challenging enough? 2.) It's great your husband is where he is in terms of physical condition. Just know it is not a race or competition between the two of you. Think of it like the horse races, they have on blinders and are only concerned with themselves, their own running, not that of any other horse on the track. The only race you have is your own and you control the pace! You should only do this for you if that's what your goals are. Remember you did not gain it in a day and it won't come off in a day especially if you're doing it the right way! Every journey begins with the first step. Once you get that momentum going you will be an unstoppable force of nature. Make sure you have realistic self image perceptions/goals. We often don't see ourselves as others do which can lead to unnecessary anxiety. 3.) Most anti-depression medications tend to have side affects that maybe sexual in nature. Talk to your doctor and/or pharmacist to confirm this and your options. Clinical depression itself can diminish ones sex drive as well as interest in other things, some you may have really enjoyed engaging in prior to the depression. A lot of people with depression have benefitted from a regular exercise program in terms of the reasons in my previous post. Your serotonin levels may not be where they should be. 4.) I mentioned couples therapy before and that would probably still benefit you both. You may want to consider "Talk Therapy" for just yourself, in concert with the medication. Sometimes just talking about ones issues can make the world of difference. In addition to the exercise a Talk Therapy enviornment can deeper address any self-esteem issues there may be. 5.) Please do not be offended by this question but now I feel I must ask you, have you been having any thoughts of hurting yourself? If so, please be honest with yourself even if you do not answer me. If you do answer yes at all, I urge you to see your physician ASAP. I am praying for you.

[inquisitive1]

inquisitive1,

thank you for that great advice. and i do i go to the gym about 4 times a week i go with my hubby hes into bodybuilding and stuff and he looks good i feel out of place because he is in such a good condition and i look fat sometimes when we get invited to places i rether not go because of my apperenace, and about medication i was on depression pills a couple of months ago after my hubby cheated on me becuase of my lack of sex.

Hello mamies06-
If you do decide to see your doctor perhaps make a list with all your concerns prior to your appointment so you can take it with.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

(I'm a guy)

I'm sure he feels a lot for you, since he's spent so much of his life with you and raised a family with you. If sex isn't wanted, it's generally uncomfortable to push it in your partner, fearing rejection, belittlement etc. etc. So maybe when he says he wants you to start it he just wants for you to want the same as he, instead of him fighting an uphill battle (turn off). If he doesn't feel desired by you, he will become frustrated. He will stop trying to shag you and start building resentment.

For him, sexual relief is far more important than it is for you, and it is a point of relationship which could decide all others. Personally, and I don't mean to be harsh here, but I would not remain in a relationship without physicality. (haven't found one which I'd stay for, anyway).

Also, it irritates guys when the girl doesn't want sex because she doesn't feel attractive - if she wasn't, the guy wouldn't be trying. Are you calling him a liar?


Losing weight will make you feel more sexual, because you'll be more comfortable in yourself.



Anyway, all said, if you don't satisfy him, and are unwilling to try with an open heart (doesn't count if you force yourself, we can tell and don't appreciate it), then there is going to be trouble in this relationship.

All my opinion, of course.