[roslyn85]

Any advice out there. I have been with my husband for 7 years married for a year. We had had sex 5 times if that. I used to be very sexually confident but I have lost it all now. I have stopped trying to initiate sex because the rejection is killing me. I love him and I know he loves me but I am starting to think he is gay. I have started having fantasies about virtually every man I see. My self esteem has taken such a knock because there isn't any interest in me at all he never looks at me that way at all. There is a 17 year age gap I am only 27 and don't know if I can live like this for the rest of my life.

[JonDoe]

You shouldn't be expected to live in a sexless marriage assuming you and your spouse are physically capable of maintaining a healthy sexual relationship. Don't settle or think you deserve less. I've suffered for many years as well, and finally took charge a few months ago. It certainly wasn't easy, but we are finally making progress. I have written several related posts.

Have you discussed this with your husband? Has he been under a great deal of stress? How is his self-esteem? How is your relationship outside of the bedroom? He may be depressed, have hypothyroidism or low testosterone, which can wreak havoc with the libido. Your family doctor can order a blood test to confirm or rule out each of these, and recommend treatment accordingly.

I also recommend two books for both you and your husband to read. Each book provides great insight into how the other thinks and feels.

The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner Davis

Becoming Your Spouse's Better Half by Rick Johnson

You may also want to read posts for the following thread I started: https://www.womens-health.com/boards/...ays-sex-3.html

[rcoreyus]

You should not need to be in a sex-starved marriage. I was for 25 years and it is awful! Unfortunately some people just seem to have low sex drives - thats fine for them, but not if they are in a relationship with someone with a normal drive.

This is important - it can make you miserable. All I can suggest is to try counseling, but if it doesn't work you have every right to leave.

[roslyn85]

My Husband has quite a few health problems. His self esteem is fine and we have a very loving relationship outside of the bedroom. I really want to believe that it is going to change but I am just not sure that it will.

[DreamP346]

My Husband has quite a few health problems. His self esteem is fine and we have a very loving relationship outside of the bedroom. I really want to believe that it is going to change but I am just not sure that it will.

It is not going to change for the better. If anything, it will just let worst.

Have you talked to your husband and explained your frustrations? Is he physically able to perform? Even if he can't get an erection, there are still a lot of other stuff you can do. The first thing to do is have a candid conversation with your husband. Try to assess both of your sex drive, come up with a compromise and both be willing to work around your situation. You can also seek professional help to help you navigate that discussion. If you husband if not willing to compromise or do anything to help take care of your sexual needs, then that is another story.

[kira]

Low sex drive is one thing. No sex drive and you should be seeing a doctor or counseling. One of the 2 is wrong.

[roslyn85]

I have spoken to him again and even asked him if he is gay which he denied. He said he is sorry and that he knows he has been wrong to deny me all this time and that he is back on track and we are good to go but that was 2 weeks ago and still nothing not so much as even a glance in my direction. As far as sexual acts other than the deed itself there is more of that but still we can go for 3 or 4 months at a time with absolutely nothing. It really is a terrible situation to be in because it makes me want to confront him about it all the time but then I also feel so guilty when I do because if it really is a medical problem he must feel so emasculated as it is without me nagging on about it.

[roslyn85]

What really hurts is that he watches porn and masturbates. Which is now what I have to do to keep myself from straying from the fold but it really is not the same as having sex. It is just a means to an end. On the very rare occasions when we have had any kind of sexual relations it is never spontaneous it will always be worked into his schedule which breaks my heart. " Be ready at 5pm tomorrow". There is no passion he doesn't seem to have any desire for me. I have thought about broaching the subject of an open marriage or something along those lines but I am scared because I really don't want to hurt him. In the beginning when we weren't having sex I used to fantasize about US having sex, now I fantasize about having sex with other men who I could satisfy and who could satisfy me. I have no sexual confidence with him anymore I feel like I cant please him which has never been an issue for me with previous partners.

[DreamP346]

What really hurts is that he watches porn and masturbates. Which is now what I have to do to keep myself from straying from the fold but it really is not the same as having sex. It is just a means to an end. On the very rare occasions when we have had any kind of sexual relations it is never spontaneous it will always be worked into his schedule which breaks my heart. " Be ready at 5pm tomorrow". There is no passion he doesn't seem to have any desire for me. I have thought about broaching the subject of an open marriage or something along those lines but I am scared because I really don't want to hurt him. In the beginning when we weren't having sex I used to fantasize about US having sex, now I fantasize about having sex with other men who I could satisfy and who could satisfy me. I have no sexual confidence with him anymore I feel like I cant please him which has never been an issue for me with previous partners.

You need to make sure you vocalize this with your partner. You are afraid of hurting him talking about open marriages. But what about the hurt he is causing you.

[roslyn85]

You are so right. I think it is time to just bite the bullet.