[Brit0412]

Hello... maybe someone can help me.. ive been with my bf for 3 yrs and for the past3-4 months we havent had sex or anykind of foreplay .. nothing!! and when i try to initiate something anything he jus brushes me off by sayin no hes to tired, or he doesnt feel good... what do i do? ive even bought a few fun toys that would work for both of us. Ill randomly wear sexy lingere for him and that doesnt even do it. I feel so un sexy and unwanted. all he does is watch tv or play on his phone. what do i do im tired of feeling unwanted, unloved.. i have become so sad.

[MoeJr]

An extremely tough situation indeed. The lack of interest and playing on his phone throws up a red flag almost instantly. Is he flirting with someone else? Pick your chin up girl, this is his issue not yours. Now I know your sad, but I think he knows he has you. Something quick to try. Pay zero attention to him, none, smile go about your business as usual. Now don't be cocky or anything like that he will know your up to something. Sometimes you get more attention by giving or seeming like you need less Maybe walk around casually in something a little more revealing, just a T-shirt, but don't make it obvious, just go about your business, if he makes a comment or tries to touch, blow him off and keep busy, make it kind of a game for you,have fun with it.....you will find out what is up with him Worth a try ! Hold your head up high and smile....Lots of caring people here to help.

[jns]

Do you work? Does he work? Before? Describe things as they were before and as they are now.

[Brit0412]

I am a gogo dancer at a local night club looking for a day job currently, he is a motorcycle tech, and also a painter (residential/ commerical). he was never one to be overly affectionate, but he atleast paid some attention to me..we used to be intimate atleast once or twice a week. every once in awhile it would kinda die off fo a bit but even then he would still talk or something... i dont know if hes flirting he keeps his phone passcoded.. not that i really wanna look i know how my reacton would be... oh i have tried the whole do my own thing routine but then i get him asking if im mad or wats wrong.. he thinks im being sneeky... he doesnt see any problem with his actions.. ive (tactfully) brought it up to him asking if he is feeling ok, or even goin so far as to straight up askhim if he is still happy or finds me attractve.. its just frustrating and honestly i dont kno how much more of this i can take... thanks for the advice ill give it another go...

[jns]

It sounds like you want a guy who is affectionate but not needy. I'm not sure this is the guy for you per your description. As a gogo dancer, I would expect you to be attractive and fit. Try what Moe suggested, but don't be too devastated if it doesn't work.

[ItalianSweetie]

Don't feel like you aren't attractive. (You must look good if your a dancer at a night club). Is it possible that he could be cheating???? Are there any signs? I know you said he has a passcode on his phone. I just don't think it is normal for a guy to be pushing a woman away so much. I have been with my hubby for three years and we still have sex at least 4 times a week. Something is going on...and if I were you, I'd try to find some answers. Don't feel bad about yourself, there are alot of men out there who would probably be happy to date a beautiful woman like you. You deserve to be with someone who is going to love and respect you, and not make you feel so bad about yourself. Good luck, sweetie.

[ItalianSweetie]

I agree with Moe, try blowing him off and showing HIM less attention. See how he likes it.....Dress in something really sexy, if he makes a pass at you, ignore him, push him away. Maybe he will open his eyes, and realize how it feels to be turned down.

[jns]

Brit, I asked about work to find out if too much work or the lack of work could be a part of his lack of affection. That doesn't seem to be the case. He sounds like he was aloof before and is distracted now. It's hard to compete with a phone he takes with him everywhere.

[Brit0412]

All good advice.. some i have tried before to no avail.. i just dont get it?!!?! He spends a lot of his "free" time working on his bike which is fine but once in awhile id love for him to take a break and just notice me.. i try to keep myself busy n occupied by working out, baking, visiting family n stuff. I always get the what u doin or where are you text/calls.. he constantly checks up on mewhich does look suspicious to me..why worry about me when he knows i dont do anything? iv known for awhile that he has insecurity issues bout himself and realtionships..who doesnt these days... he has a fear of commitment.. he traight up told me hes never wants to get married..all his actions just confuse the **** outta me.. hes so distant and aloof..yet once he brought home a puppy? he didnt want me to b alone all the time was his reasoning...ugh just ugh lol

[MoeJr]

Wow nice guy...... I don't want to get to close to you but I don't want you to be happy and have a life, so here is a puppy to keep you company..YIKES! Sounds to me like he wants you, loves you very much, just has a huge fear of getting to close. When that fear fades away a bit you get a bit of attention, but when he starts to feel something he pushes himself away. I don't have a lot of advice for you there, your going to have to make a choice eventually if you want to truly be happy. It's a tough one! Best wishes to you!