[caster]

Just how important is it to women?
My wife rarely orgasm, and only with a lot of vibrator foreplay and using it on her clit during intercourse, and she likes me inside her when she does, so it takes awhile. But she only cares about doing that about once ever couple of months. The rest of the time it's getting me hard, use some lube and go at it for 15-20, sometimes 30 minutes. It's not bad sex but I'm not sure she really enjoys it all that much.
And, everything I read about improving our sex life says women like a lot of foreplay to get the motor running, I try to initiate it but apparently she just doesn't want it, I think she just doesn't know what she wants, you'd think at 50 she'd have figured it out by now.
She really doesn't want kissing, cuddling, hand play, etc... before sex. She'll take the kissing and cuddling without the sex, but then it's not foreplay, just being close.

Do women just like the sex act itself without foreplay?

[Guest]

Perhaps...Some may and others may not. Regardless, their bodies need it so regardless of what their mind is telling them, sex without foreplay doesn't give their body the time necessary to prepare for it and so it's not going to be the same experience that it is with it.

One question, and please don't be offended as that is not my intention, but are you any good at it?

Are you any good at foreplay? A lot of men think of it as just another step to leed them to the "promise land" and end result that they desire. It might be that you're not pushing the buttons necessary... Worth thinking about?

And may I suggest a book? She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D It's a fabulous book - IMO and it might help you. Just a thought. He also wrote a follow up He Comes Second. I don't own the follow up.

[PatrickJW]

Well I have more questions then answers for you. Why are you "not sure she really enjoys it"? Why do you say "apparently she dosen't want it"? Why do say " I think she just dosen't know what she wants"? Where I'm giong is, well, another question. Do you & she communicate & talk about what you want, like, need, desire etc? My experience has been that women like foreplay & attention. Foreplay begins by making her breakfast in bed on Saturday morning with a red rose on the tray. I suppose to some people "sex" is just the old in and out for a while, and to others it's foreplay and whatever after that. Do you engage in oral on each other, no better foreplay then that. My honey & I love it & it's always part of sex for us. I'd say talk more, romance her more, communication & open honesty is critical.

[SpankedWife]

Well I'd say talk more, romance her more, communication & open honesty is critical.

^Totally agree^
Romance her more. Hug her throughout the day. Help her with her chores. Foreplay for women starts way before sex.

[caster]

We had a discussion about it the other night. She confirmed what I thought, that unless it's when she wants the Big O, it's just not that important to her. I asked, and said if there's something I'm doing wrong, or you'd like, just name it and show me what you like. Again, "nope I'm fine"
So I guess not all women care that much about foreplay before sex, at least not everytime.

As for not sure she's enjoying it, that appears to be the difference between Foreplay that has her aroused and heading for O, and just quietly enjoying the penetration.
We do have a pretty open dialog between us to talk about anything.

[Stillness]

We had a discussion about it the other night. She confirmed what I thought, that unless it's when she wants the Big O, it's just not that important to her. I asked, and said if there's something I'm doing wrong, or you'd like, just name it and show me what you like. Again, "nope I'm fine"
So I guess not all women care that much about foreplay before sex, at least not everytime.

Yep. It's what my experience tells me too. Some women like it more than sex and others don't want or need it all the time. It's a myth that all women are big on it. It's often skipped in my bedroom although that's not my preference.

[jns]

Its been my experience that women that don't like foreplay are not getting much out of it either due to their own limitations or the limitations of their partner or a combination of both. Women who like foreplay usually get something out of it.