[caster]

I see three things that can happen.
1- You tell her you cheated, she either leaves you, or you will always be a cheater to her, even if she forgives you.
2- Don't tell her and she finds out, you have a chance to explain it was your first week, you realized it was a mistake and felt so sick about it you never did it again, she either leaves you and you're still aways a cheater.
3-You don't tell her, she never finds out, you never do it again, nothing happens.

[margie123]

Reply to Bladyn'smommy16,Talking from the cheatee: I don't how you hold this against your husband, but know that years of he feeling guilty about what I did & the constant reminders are not good for his or my health. I know, I am on depression medication, because I feel go guilty for the what I did to him, becouse he brings it up in mean ways. We will go months of good times then somthing happens Stress is very bad for your health, and my Dr said it's starting to show. He say's see a professional for our issue, he won't go, he said no outsider can help us. We will go months of good times then somthing happens with him a memory, a movie that has cheating in it, and he is in a very bad mood, will not talk to me and will say very mean things about me daily, every bad word you can think of. I have done everything for my husband, above & beyond what most women do. I can't be myself, because I worry about what he will think or say. I never show clevage, I don't flirt or even I avoid talking to other men for fear he will start up the arguments again. He flirts or girls flirt with him & if I bring it up, that I don't like that, he says I have never given you a reason not to trust me, so he can do whatever he wants because I can't say the same thing. He has forgiven me(he say's) but will never forget, which I understand. If I could take it back I would, I was young & stupid at the time & I have learned for my mistakes. I'm sorry that it happened to you, but if he has given you no reason to not trust him after that time, I would caulk it up to young & stupid, and just put it behind you. Now I'm not sure when he cheated on you, but I was dating him, we were apart for 1 year after only dating 2- months, not engaged & not married at the time, & it was not sex, not that it makes it right. If I was married at the time I think that's a differnet story. I agree with poster:time to discover, the trust issue it very hard to get back. I try every day to make it better, but at times I feel I'm doing all the work, and he knows he has me by the tail.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Margie123 you are not In a healthy relationship. I've actually been cheated on and when I found out myself without them telling me I was a whole lot madder so you can either live with your guilt and you'll eventually crack from the pressure or tell them your self early I have forgiven my husbands in discretions but only because he told me when it happened and trust is precious. I'm not being mean I'm just saying living with it is probably worst

[Bladyn'smommy16]

He cheated on me about 4 times once when we were married

[margie123]

I don't understand you said you found out without them telling you were madder, then you say you forgave your husband because he told you. Were you cheated with different men, if so I'm very sorry, just from seeing my husband pain, it kills me and that is where my depression comes from. It's all in the open now, but your right guilt it a killer. I know he would never cheat on me, but there is always that in the back of my mind I think because I did it to him. If the other guy would have never called, & I did not confess, I would not feel as bad as I do now. I know it was a mistake, but until he found out about it, I did not even think about that time in my life, It was my past. My husband is my life. My husband & I have worked very hard at our business, paid off our house, cars ect. He knows I'm in it for us. I work very hard to prove it. I guess case by case. Original poster, I'm just telling you my story, posts have been on both sides, but prepare to lose her, or she may understand & if you have been good to her & it's going good I think you will be ok, it did happen early & you wern't sure where it was going, I hope she understands. live & learn, I have. I will agress with Bladylsmommy I'm not in a healthy relationship, I know, it hurts, but I do feel with time it is getting better. When I think about it, if I told him at the time, we would not be together. I feel, he feels we have alot invested in this relationship so lets stick it out, so I think to myself is he just staying in it, to save money, I don't think so he does love me. Ok poster:you better tell her, if she finds out later while your married there will be a lifetime of shi_ to deal with. Good luck & I wish you the best. Just be good to her & show her you care.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

I meant to say I found out because he told me right away. I've never cheated its just not something I can do. And of course your going to feel like he might do the same your scared of his vengeance my husband says that to but I always told him I'd never stoop to his level and its the truth I'm not condemning you for cheating I'm telling you that keeping it in is never good and if you think he doesnt love you why don't you ask him about it and have a serious discussion but if the OP ever gets married to this girl he's going to have to come clean because if she found out without him telling her that's alot more devastating in my opinion. Especially if he's soo guilty it will come out The truth will prevail!!!!

[rcoreyus]

Admitting cheating may destroy the relationship - it is the sort of thing that can be held against you for the rest of your life. Who does this help?

I don't understand why cheating bothers people so badly. I don't know if my wife ever cheated, probably not, but I really don't care. If it was taking her affections away from me that would be different, but it isn't. To me cheating is bad, but on the same scale as getting angry and saying bad things to your spouse, or doing something foolish that costs a bunch of money. I consider it much less serious that hitting someone, or stealing from them, denying them affection, etc.

Sadly though for many people cheating is unforgivable. If you admit to cheating you might as well leave, otherwise it will come back endlessly to haunt you. There are of course some people who really will forgive and forget - but you need to be sure that that is the sort of person you are with.

[time2discover]

When it happened with my husband, we had a long open discussion about it and I forgave him. That's why I say, if you love a person, you can accept he's human and make a mistake. But having to find it out on my own made me doubt his sincerity. Was he just giving me an excuse cause I found out, if I hadn't confronted him would he have kept it up? That's where the trust issue comes in. A human making a mistake and admitting it is honorable, but confessing to something after you get caught is the mental trust part that dies whether he is sincere or not. The seed is planted.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Who wants a relationship based on lies? I think if its ever happened to you. You would probably understand better rcoreyus. Maybe it has and you don't care but that's not how most ppl would view it

[Euphoric]

If you really care about your girlfriend and your conscious is bothering you, why don't you sit down with her and have a mature discussion. Explain that when you two first began dating you didn't know where this relationship might lead. Therefore, you did go out with another person once. It was during the first week that the two of you started dating. But as time as went on, you have grown to love and respect her more deeply than you ever imagined possible, and it is because of how deeply you care about her that you want to get this off of your chest. You don't want your relationship built on the premisses of a lie or hidden indiscretions that happened during the first week the two of you began dating. Let her know that you have never been out with another person since then because you realized how special she is.

She may/and probably will get upset. You need to be prepared for her reaction because she will most likely be hurt by this admission. Asking someone out on a date does not imply exclusivity until the two of you have discussed and committed to one another. Maybe I have missed something somewhere in this thread, but you two hadn't discussed dating exclusively at this point had you?

Euphoric