[james1991]

ive been going out with my gf for 6 months but cheated on her the first weeek we got together which i hate myself for it meant nothing an havnt cheated since and wouldnt, but im paranoid to death about when she goes out she will do the same, but im in the dilemma do i tell her she finishes us whiuch would break my heart but then would that make me feel better about her going out an cheating on me i dont think so or do i keep it bottled up inside?? i really dont know

[margie123]

You are very early in your relationship. I know they say honesty is the best policy, but I no longer think so. My husband found out I cheated on him 26 years ago when we were dating & still causes a problem. I did not want to tell him year 23 of our marriage, but the Ex called one weekend & I told him wrong number, He asked who it was, I told him, but he was mad because I did not tell him to f--- off and not call again so he thinks there's still something going on. So after months of interagation I finaly told him. It's been the 4 worst years of my life. If you think she will never ever find out about it, I would not tell. But if there is a chance she would hear about it, I guess I would come clean now, early in the relationship. I do think because I did cheat once, I do have it always in the back of my mind that he will some day to get even. I was his first & he was my second(my first I only had sex with once) so I do always try to say to him I always think of you as my first. It was very special, I wish I could change it but I can't. It's hard. Good luck & I hope she understands. I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater, I am living proof, I would never do anything like that to him again.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

I'm not trying to be rude or anything but you should have told him early on that you cheated not wait for it to be revealed accidentally yes he probably still holds it against you and always will ive been cheated on and found out like that so I know from experience

[time2discover]

Believe me when I say, the truth always comes out sooner or later, so better sooner and straight from you.

About what margie123 said, honesty is the best policy but not the "easiest" policy. If you guys love each other, it'll
be hard, but you'll deal with it together. In my opinion, if when she finds out on her own, the cheating won't be the
problem anymore. It'll be the trust and that ones harder to get back.

Good luck!

[Stillness]

james1991, I agree with the last two posters about honesty. This thing is just going to eat at you as long as you keep it in and it will interfere with reaching a deep level of intimacy.

My question is how serious could you be after a week? Were you just dating? That's not even cheating to me. If it was a week into the exclusivity phase of your relationship that's different. It will be painful, but what's the alternative? Keep it a secret for the rest of your life and then have it come out years later when it could be even more painful? I wouldn't do it.

[caster]

Say nothing, it was week one of only a 6 month relationship and you're not married. You learned a valuable lesson, learn from it. There is nothing to be gained here by telling her. In the first weeks she may have also bedded someone else, it's sometimes part of the getting together process.

Also, if you tell her and she flips out she could damage your reputation. At 6 months you've barely just started dating.

[DreamP346]

Honesty is nice is theory but doesn't necessary always work in real life. What will being honest get you? By telling her the truth, would you be doing it more to get it off your chest (meaning for your benefit) or is it for her benefit? Will you be telling her the truth because you are afraid of getting caught or because you think it is the best option for the relationship.

Honesty is good, but that doesn't mean we should divulge everythink from our past. Most will agree that you should not discuss past sexual relationships with current partners. This is a case where honesty is not the best policy. Really think about why you want to do this before you make a decision.

[Guest]

Sorry that you cheated.

You'll be sorry if you don't tell her and might be sorry if you do, but at least you will have been honest with her...albeit six months post incident.

If she dumps you, so be it.

The argument that you had just started dating doesn't fly with me either. If you're committed...and in a relationship it doesn't matter if it's an hour, a day, a week or six months. You led the other person to believe that you are something that you're not and that's not fair to them.

If you want to do the right thing, be a man about it, get a backbone and some respect for your partner and own up to what you did, exactly what you did, with who you did it and what you've done since. Take your lumps and move forward...

At the very least, I hope you have the decency to be practicing safe sex with both of these women.

A relationship built on a lie, a secret or misinformation is no relationship at all - IMO.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

That just started dating argument doesn't fly with me either I agree with you completely seeker_advice!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

James.

You entered into a relationship and more than likely, had even then alot of feelings for her, you knew that you would continue that relationship.

We are human. Often an impulse of "freedom" will still step into place right at the beginning, it's normal. You were "free" before that moment in time.

The main thing is, you "now" feel horrible and why? Because you have gotten to know here more, liked her more, loved her more... That's normal too.

If you said half way through, I'd question your love for her. But it was one week into the relationship, when lust was still in sight, both outside and inside the relationship.

The fact you are an "honest" person is admirable. The fact you feel some guilt is fantastic, it means you have strong feelings for her and that in general terms you will always be faithful.

1. Never think of your significant other as a cheater, just because in your eyes, you did something you should not have. Always look at that person as being faithful. Predicting something that may never ever happen is what will eat at you.

2. 6 months does not mean this is your future wife. It may very well be, it may not. People come into our lives for a reason, a season, a lifetime. In time you will know just exactly where this relationship is heading. Your past is your past and does not need to be shared or feel guilty over. Concentrate on your relationship in its present... Enjoy it, nurture it.. Because if you concentrate on your past, you'll not enjoy it, or nurture it and it will be doomed anyway.

We are allowed to make mistakes in life, it's how we learn.