[a_dub]

I agree 100% on this one. My husband is the only guy that can make me orgasm. None of my ex lovers could, and I know of alot of other women that have problems achieving an orgasm.

Is there something special your husband does that the other guys couldn't or wouldn't? Or is it because you care about him more that allows you to orgasm with him?

[BOSSDINOSAUR]

Is she denying you sex? Obviously not. Do you orgasm? Sounds like it. Does she say she doesn't like it? I believe you said she is giving you some feedback, ie: feels good, weird, etc. Why would you need to feel the need to end the relationship based on her having an orgasm? You need to do some research on the percentages of women who orgasm through clitoral stimulation, penetration, a combination of both, and those who never do. You are looking at sex and orgasm as a goal, however, it is a journey. Some women have a hard time orgasming. Why does it bother you so much if she is not complaining?

First of all, thanks for being the first to put some thought into your post. I understand that sex is a journey, believe me. The problem is that I feel like I'm the one putting the time in, doing the research, trying new things, etc. I would never end the relationship based on her not being able to orgasm. That's not the issue. The issue is that she isn't willing to try. If I had any indication that she were actively pursuing more sexual pleasure, this would be a completely different story. It bothers me because sexual enthusiasm is mutual. When she has more fun having sex, I have more fun having sex, and vice versa. I crave that mutual satisfaction, but it's limited if only one person ever orgasms.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

BM

All posters find someone they can relate to, something that triggers... I am sure that is what the OP is trying to say, that Euphoric, thought deeply about the situation and he acknowledged those thoughts.

This is what Forums are about, we don't have "selected answer" but basically that was the OP's thoughts.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I've been dating a girl for a little over 2 years now, we're both 19. We have sex once or twice a week, but she never orgasms. She's never had an orgasm. She says she wants to have one, but she doesn't do anything about it. I've tried encouraging her to explore her own body so she can see what kind of sensations turn her on, but she doesn't. She says that whenever I bring it up, it just makes her feel pressured. I tell her that's the last thing I want and that I want this for her. I try to be as positive as I can, but I can't spark any genuine sexual curiosity within her. It's causing some serious stress on the relationship, but I don't tell her that. I fantasize constantly about being in a relationship with mutual sexual satisfaction. I want that relationship to be with her, and I feel like once she has an orgasm and gets those endorphins flowing, she'd be able to reciprocate my sexual appetite somewhat. I really love and care about her, but I'm a 19 year old man, and I'm sexually starving.

I've tried all kinds of things in an effort to make her orgasm myself, including heaps of oral sex. The problem is that getting feedback is like pulling teeth because she doesn't even know what kind of sensation she's supposed to feel. She just says it feels "good" or "weird" or "too sensitive." And if I ask for more detail, I'm putting pressure on her. It's maddening. I'm not really looking for sex tips. What can I do to help her see that sex is a beautiful, healthy thing? To help instill a a more positive, proactive approach to sexuality? I would absolutely hate for this to cause me to end the relationship, but after 2 years, my patience is drying up.

Firstly, the thing with Forums is alot of people go with their own feelings, not read a situation and take themselves out of that and may comment in the wrong light.....

Secondly, it pains me to say, but I think age has wisdom. Alot depends on what we learnt, were taught, how our parents discussed sex with us, as to how we view sex, until, we can find ourselves and say, oh, "ok".

It sounds as if she was bought up quite conservatively, let's face it, alot of "our" parents never went down on anyone, sex was to have babies. This oral is probably making her totally un-comfortable which you are gleening which makes this all so hard.

2 years, congratulations love is love, and I get your frustration because you need at the end of the day to have TOTAL compatibility, including sexual to have a fulfilling, long lasting "marriage", relationship... Thick and thin, equal, togetherness.

Where I think you go wrong? Maybe, in my opinion, is asking her after how she felt, did she feel, what did she feel... It makes her un-comfortable.

The best learning experiences I had as a teenager and beyond is those that "knew" took control and taught and said nothing.... But, having said that, showed love as well, it was "alright" to be promiscuous, ok to have an orgasm and show it, ok to touch yourself... Shirt for a woman at 19 that is hard, unless she wants to show the guy, she knows what she is doing and often if she attempts that, she is viewed as , well , you know "been there before have you, that's not what I want" where do they win?

This is my thoughts.

Try touching everywhere but. Her thighs, neck, shoulders.... This is love, not sex. Just do your thing, slowly, look in her eyes, say nothing. And, keep repeating.. It's when a woman knows she is truly loved and can let go, that she does.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Care to elaborate? I mean, I still remember my first orgasm. There wasn't a shadow of a doubt in my mind of exactly what happened. Is it more ambiguous for women?

He means some women hide it... Shyness

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm sorry tulip you are a man I'm wondering how would you know? A woman can feel a orgasm as intense as a man I didn't mean to be rude but I am a woman I would know

BM.............

This is not what Tulip is saying, I can read between the lines, often women shut up, don't show this, through fear, ever done that? If not, understand that alot of women do. I am all for women being themselves ,but let's face facts alot have been used, abused and shut up or it's their up-bringing so they can't let go... Tulip from the sounds of things has a relationship if you click on his name and read, in marriage whereby she does accomodate his sexual desires... Though I now question if she lets herself go totally, based on his comment on this thread.

We can't get personal, think personally in a Forum We have to read what each person is stating and feeling. And, respond to that.

[Euphoric]

Boss,

First of all, thanks for being the first to put some thought into your post. I understand that sex is a journey, believe me. The problem is that I feel like I'm the one putting the time in, doing the research, trying new things, etc. I would never end the relationship based on her not being able to orgasm. That's not the issue. The issue is that she isn't willing to try. If I had any indication that she were actively pursuing more sexual pleasure, this would be a completely different story. It bothers me because sexual enthusiasm is mutual. When she has more fun having sex, I have more fun having sex, and vice versa. I crave that mutual satisfaction, but it's limited if only one person ever orgasms.

Thank you for being open and receptive to finding a mature response. It does seem that you are researching and exploring various avenues to 'help' your girlfriend, and yourself, as well. I agree that intimacy is best when there is mutual enthusiam, and completely natural for you to have more fun when she is having fun. I don't agree that it is limited if only one person ever orgasms. I think that you are feeling personally responsible for her orgasm.

This is the thing. You can do things that feel good, you can create a secure and romantic environment, you can try going slow, fast, etc., but ultimately her have an orgasm is not your responsibility. You can do everything right, but if she isn't physically and psychologically able, for whatever reason, it isn't going to happen.

She is 19. According to you, she isn't exploring herself to improve your sexual activities. Maybe she is trying to find out what she likes, but hasn't hit the right buttons yet. Just because she doesn't come right out and say, "I've been masterbating," doesn't mean that she hasn't been trying. It may take her a while yet to figure out what to do. Orgasms don't come natural to some girls. It's work. When doing research, some of the information can be conflicting. Example: you need to be totally relax and allow the sensation to wash over you. Sounds simple right? No. The mind needs to be relaxed and free from outside distractions, but most females find that they need to tense their thighs, buttocks, and abs. The tensing of these muscles increases blood flow to the nether region, thus building up sexual tension. That tension has to hit a peek before the release results in involuntary contractions that feel really good, thus the orgasm. Some girls process the information about being relaxed to mean - lay there like a dead fish and it'll happen. Thus the confusion of how to process the research.

Have you talked to your gf about using a vibrator or small bullet? Is she open to try toys and are you? Personally, I find it hard to orgasm without the use of some source of vibration. My husband isn't opposed, nor does he take it as a personal failure. I have assured him it's not him, it's me. I can't tell you why it's hard for me to achieve orgasm without some extra stimulation. Actually, I had never had an orgasm until we incorporated toys into our sexual adventures. And believe me, I am no prude, nor am I reserved. I love having earth shattering orgasms. I have and do masterbate, with and without him, and no matter what I've tried, I still need a little something extra. It would be nice if I didn't need it and have refrained from using outside sources, thinking I had conditioned myself to need them. Nothing. Don't get me wrong, I don't need a vibrator that you plug into the wall and acts as a jackhammer, but a subtle vibration works wonders. I'm sharing this with you, hoping that you see that some women are wired a little different, but that doesn't mean that you are inadequate or not doing something right. Until she experiences an orgasm, she can't understand what she is missing. Some women can use a little assistance with toys, learn 'how to do it' and then no longer need that extra push (or vibration) for them to learn the cues from their body. It's definitely worth a try. If you both are willing to try, I would suggest something that uses batteries, not a plug in device, especially since certain things have already been communicated to you were too sensitive.

We don't use mechanical aids everytime, and I still enjoy it. I don't have to be screaming and raising the rooftop to enjoy sex. In essence, I don't HAVE to have an orgasm to make love and enjoy it. Sometimes I just like the closeness, the motion, his touch and scent. Try not to get discouraged and give up. As you have already admitted to doing research, you know that some women don't learn to have an orgasm for a few years, so it doesn't mean that it won't happen. Again, I agree with you that she needs to be willing to research, explore, and experiment. Enjoy the journey together.


Would love to hear back from you, and get your thoughts!
Best of luck,
Euphoric

[Bladyn'smommy16]

It's fine.. I just thought he was intentionally being rude

[jns]

Orgasm for women is somewhat different than orgasm for men in that it is much harder to achieve for a significant percentage of women. Also, the percentage of women who never achieve orgasm in their lifetime is a significant percentage.

That being said, like ItalianSweetie said, some women will achieve orgasm when the are with the guy who turns them on just right and stimulates them just right and they relax just right.

My suggestions for you, BOSS are: start learning everything you can about your gf's body and her mind. For her body, learn what she responds to and what she doesn't Look for subtle changes. Does her breathing change? Does she tremble? Does she clench and unclench her muscles? Does she smile? Dreamily? Don't only stimulate her breasts, clitoris and vaginal area, but also her lips, cheeks, nose, ears, neck, shoulders, stomach, etc. You should focus mostly on the clitoris for oral sex. Are you doing that?

For her mind, learn what makes her relax. Learn what turns her on. Learn what gets her excited. Learn what makes her let go. Learn what makes her blank her mind (quit thinking and just go with feeling sensations).

Once you have this knowledge, start using it to create a better scenario for your gf to achieve orgasm.

[DreamP346]

The first thing you need to do is stop focusing on the orgasm. I am sure it comes a cross in your conversations about sex, even if you don't mention it. So to your gf, every time you talk about sex or ask for directions, it's pressuring her to orgasm which will only do ther opposite. Try to focus on the mutual satisfaction, the bonding that sex creates and how it makes you feel closer to her.

Instead of asking directly what works for her and making her feel like she is answering a test, make it a two way conversation. For example, tell her "it's such a turn on for me when you vocalize how you are feeling. Next time I am going down on you, can you talk to me tell me what you are feeling? That would be so hot."

She sounds like she really isn't comfortable with sex. Unfortunately many women aren't. It's a social and cultural thing. It can often take years for a woman to break that shell. But with an understanding partner, it can happen. Open communication is key. Don't demand, talk through things. Remember that she will not feel things the way you do. She may never want to masturbate. She may not have intense orgasms like you. She may not enjoy orgasms as the pinnacle sexual excitement. Each person is different and men and women are different