[LadyLane]

OMG, that is happening to me - or rather has been happening for two years... do you know that TWO very knowledgeable gyns simply told me they had no idea what I was talking about when I told them about the tearing? (of course you don't, you don't know me, lol)

It's VERY annoying. It only hurts for a minute during sex, but it does bleed and stings a bit. And the scar tissue just builds up, making each time more uncomfortable, because scar tissue does not stretch. The cure is a fifteen minute simple surgery to cut away the scar tissue and re-sew the area in a proper way.

Its called a perineoplasty, which of course is not covered by insurance, so will probably cost me $3,000.

[soldatka]

There is some good advice in this thread, as well as some very awful stuff...

First thing has to be for her to get physically checked out. There can be physical and hormonal changes which can lead to pain and crucially also loss of desire.

Then, if all comes back okay, you maybe need some honest talking about the relationship and both your feelings about sex and intimacy. It could be an issue with the relationship or just how she feels about sex at the moment. The body and mind are so closely linked and emotional reluctance can result in the body just refusing to cooperate.

You might find in the end that you can't resolve this...then you have to make the decision whether to continue in a sexless marriage or to look for other options. But that needs to be the last resort, not the first. If you are to work through this you need mutual trust, and that won't be built if she thinks you are looking elsewhere.

Good luck...

[C]

There is some good advice in this thread, as well as some very awful stuff...

First thing has to be for her to get physically checked out. There can be physical and hormonal changes which can lead to pain and crucially also loss of desire.

Then, if all comes back okay, you maybe need some honest talking about the relationship and both your feelings about sex and intimacy. It could be an issue with the relationship or just how she feels about sex at the moment. The body and mind are so closely linked and emotional reluctance can result in the body just refusing to cooperate.

You might find in the end that you can't resolve this...then you have to make the decision whether to continue in a sexless marriage or to look for other options. But that needs to be the last resort, not the first. If you are to work through this you need mutual trust, and that won't be built if she thinks you are looking elsewhere.

Good luck...

I would have a hard time believing that a woman who truly loves her husband would not be able to tell him the point of her pain. After as many years as they have been married there should not be any embarrassing moments between them. He has said that there is a prolonged period between sexual contact which to me signals lack of desire. Plainly: She does not like sex. If this is the cause then she would not be sexually stimulated inside her vagina to make entry comfortable and satisfying. It would be an intrusion on her private parts and sexual self. It would be as if he was raping her. She does not even want foreplay and this should not hurt but she does not want it.

I have been torn vaginally. This was before I got my estring and we were just having way too much sex. I rested it and used a powerful ointment to heal it and everything was fine. The estring gave me my new hormones to help me. But despite the tear which is plainly written on my records, my desire for sexual relations was so high that I would have raised hell and high water to complete this act of erotic love with my husband. When you are in heat and love someone, baby you want it.

I may be wrong but I think she shows every sign of just plain being sick of sex. Maybe never wanted it to start like over 60% of the women and that number is probably low. I understand this is just my thinking on this.

[soldatka]

I would have a hard time believing that a woman who truly loves her husband would not be able to tell him the point of her pain. After as many years as they have been married there should not be any embarrassing moments between them. He has said that there is a prolonged period between sexual contact which to me signals lack of desire. Plainly: She does not like sex. If this is the cause then she would not be sexually stimulated inside her vagina to make entry comfortable and satisfying. It would be an intrusion on her private parts and sexual self. It would be as if he was raping her. She does not even want foreplay and this should not hurt but she does not want it.

I have been torn vaginally. This was before I got my estring and we were just having way too much sex. I rested it and used a powerful ointment to heal it and everything was fine. The estring gave me my new hormones to help me. But despite the tear which is plainly written on my records, my desire for sexual relations was so high that I would have raised hell and high water to complete this act of erotic love with my husband. When you are in heat and love someone, baby you want it.

I may be wrong but I think she shows every sign of just plain being sick of sex. Maybe never wanted it to start like over 60% of the women and that number is probably low. I understand this is just my thinking on this.

Quite possible she is sick of sex...it is certainly one possibility. And maybe she did never like it to start with...if you have kept that a secret for many years then I can imagine it would be terrifying to come clean about it. There shouldn't be embarrassment about it, but clearly something's wrong.

[Mourningman]

I cannot believe she can be sick of something she may only participate in once a month for the last 10 years.And in that time span 3 times in 3 years.There just is so much to accept when i read the posts that I do not think it is a physical thing.I just get dissed to much.

[Mourningman]

She goes to her doc regularly but if there is an issue there i sure wouldn't know.Maybe a serious illness she would tell me.

[rcoreyus]

I would have a hard time believing that a woman who truly loves her husband would not be able to tell him the point of her pain. After as many years as they have been married there should not be any embarrassing moments between them. He has said that there is a prolonged period between sexual contact which to me signals lack of desire. Plainly: She does not like sex. If this is the cause then she would not be sexually stimulated inside her vagina to make entry comfortable and satisfying. It would be an intrusion on her private parts and sexual self. It would be as if he was raping her. She does not even want foreplay and this should not hurt but she does not want it.

I have been torn vaginally. This was before I got my estring and we were just having way too much sex. I rested it and used a powerful ointment to heal it and everything was fine. The estring gave me my new hormones to help me. But despite the tear which is plainly written on my records, my desire for sexual relations was so high that I would have raised hell and high water to complete this act of erotic love with my husband. When you are in heat and love someone, baby you want it.

I may be wrong but I think she shows every sign of just plain being sick of sex. Maybe never wanted it to start like over 60% of the women and that number is probably low. I understand this is just my thinking on this.

For some reason communication can be very difficult, even in a long term relationship.

[C]

For some reason communication can be very difficult, even in a long term relationship.

I agree. Especially if she does not want to talk about it. It is easier to make it go away by ignoring it. That way she does not have to face the true fact of her lack of sexual need in this relationship. In her mind she is making everything right that is wrong.....Her easy way out...

[C]

I cannot believe she can be sick of something she may only participate in once a month for the last 10 years.And in that time span 3 times in 3 years.There just is so much to accept when i read the posts that I do not think it is a physical thing.I just get dissed to much.

If this is the case then I belive your wife with the age she is at, just plain does not like sex. Either that or I am a raving sex maniac.......I can accept this too...

[Mourningman]

yes you are raving