[Stillness]

Stillness, I completely understand that this sort of discussion could be offensive.

The discussion that you're trying to start, that I'm likewise interested in, is not.

I think that there are some definite cultural differences. There are some physiological ones too. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled some years ago the dentist was unable to extract them without surgery. I could tell that the assistant was looking at me oddly. I told her to spit out what she was thinking because they were digging into my jaw and I wanted to know why. She told me "black people have denser bone, so the extraction techniques don't work as well." I know that some of the tissues can be denser as well for people of more recent African descent. It's a problem for women whose breast tissue can mask cancer.

I don't know how that applies to musculature. I think that on average there may be more muscle. My guess is that the biggest visible factor is color as opposed to actual muscle. It's why the body builders tan so much (or wear tans). The darker skin accentuates muscle tone. It probably is the same for the penis size.

[rcoreyus]

Now that the topic is drifting, I hope people don't mind a bit more drift. Stillness and many others have commented on some physical differences between black and white men. On this topic (roughly) it seems to be very widely believed that black men are on average better endowed (being a straight male I wouldn't know from my own experience). On the other hand my understanding was that what we call "black" in the US and Europe actually represents a very large amount of genetic diversity. Why would there be common physical traits at all? Are these traits **REALLY** real, or are they projections of our expectations. When a woman has sex with a well-endowed black man does she think "of course everyone knows black men are well endowed", but if she does with a small black man thinks. "he must be unusual because everyone knows black men are well endowed".

Do black men behave differently dating and in the bedroom, or do women have different expectations and that triggers the different behavior? People can unconsciously pick up on all sorts of clues from their partners.

I have very little personal experience. I've never dated a black woman - in fact I've barely dated at all - I met my wife when I was very young. I work in a field that has very few black people (or women for that matter) - an entirely different, but also interesting discussion. I haven't personally observed an different behavior between black and white people - but virtually all of the black people I meet are very unusual in their choice of occupation, so there could be strong selection effects.

[Stillness]

Within each culture individuals are going to have broad ranges of personalities and idiosyncrasies. But, there are behaviors in every culture that the members are more prone to exhibit - that could anything from preferences in cuisine and music, to language and speech patterns, to spirituality, to attitudes toward romance and sexuality. It affects everything.

Just like the ladies here are saying that black men are more strong-willed or dominating, there is a wide belief in the “black” community that “white” people are more docile. I think there’s some truth to it. When I first started coming in contact with more men from other backgrounds it took me some time to get adjusted to new standards of masculinity. My wife and I have had quite a bit of discussion on how feminine men from other cultures seem at first. She finds it unattractive. Like for example, we’ve both noted how even the stride of men from certain cultures makes us both initially mistake them for women under certain circumstances. I’ve found myself surprised countless times that certain men are heterosexual.

To the lament of many “black” women, this is appealing to certain men, but not so often to women. There’s still a lot of anger because of a perceived shortage of eligible black men who will often choose women from other cultures. The same attraction does not seem to exist between black women and men from other cultures, making a strained ratio even more imbalanced. My guess is that black women are perceived as too strong-willed and not submissive enough and non-black men as too docile. As rcoreyus says, some of this is perception, but I don’t think it all is.

[jns]

While I may consider that Black women are strong willed and not submissive enough in general as an argument, I think that to consider that as the major reason for not intermarrying to a higher degree may be oversimplification. There are other men who are equally as strong willed from many different groups that would be up for a relationship with an alpha female. Have Black women always been this way? Not really. The destruction of the Black family has been documented from a time of more than 50 years ago. Before that time, intact marriage rates were actually higher for Blacks than Whites. The destruction of the family and the resulting mother and children family has socially made many Black women very independent of having men around on a continuing basis. Those lessons are passed on to the daughters and also the sons.

When it comes to intermarrying, the mothers interact with the daughters and pass on the lessons leaned in their life. If they have been insulted by a person or several in one group or another, that gets passed on. Like most such training, a partial or complete pass is given of people of the mother's ethnic group. So if a young guy who is earnest and of good character comes along, but he is of the "wrong" group, he hardly stands a chance. Intermarrying between Blacks and Whites seems to be more common in some other countries and I suspect your observations of a strong willed man only coming from one group may be wrong in those countries.

I had a best friend who was a Black woman. Unfortunately she died two years ago. She was married for a time to a German guy who came to the US and became a citizen. That was before I knew her. She ended up raising their son on her own after divorcing him. Nothing ever gave me the idea it was because he wasn't strong willed was the reason for the divorce. If anything, it sounded like he was too strong willed and cheap, also. He ended up dying a multimillionaire. She did have a strong will and at times would like to fight with words. There was a time or two that I cut off talking to her because she was swinging wild with her words. After a while we got to talking again and she did less fighting with words. She really didn't mean to cut into me so hard, it was just what she grew up with and learned along the way. I would think that there is a difference there. How arguments are handled in different groupings are different and I think that cross culturally it may be difficult to respond correctly. I know that with my Thai wife and I there have been arguments fueled by cultural misunderstandings. Fortunately that is in the past, especially after I learned more about Thai culture.

I know a Thai woman who has a Korean bf. She would like to get married, but her bf will not marry her because it would estrange his family. His mother and father are dead set on him marrying an ethnically Korean woman. The situation will not change for her.

I am in an interracial marriage. Where I live it is not really a problem. But if I was in a lot of different parts of the country, other people would think that they needed to comment on it. I can understand some people not wanting to put up with that to be in an interracial marriage. Maybe men put up or fight when such comments occur to a higher degree or maybe grow a thicker skin. Not that they should have to, but maybe they handle it better and are thus more willing to marry across racial line. If they are the one most wanting to get married, that may be the reason they marry outside of their group. Of course, the woman in such marriages has to deal with comments and actions by others.

I have had in the past coworkers who have a White male and Black female marriage. The coworkers were males.

I wonder if the the "shortage" of eligible Black men is actually wanting better odds because the women are limiting themselves to a specific group. Kind of like some Asian males (and sometimes females) throwing out the "Asian Fever" slur because Asian females tend to marry outside of Asian group to a fairly high degree. Of course in using such a slur they are ignoring very strong cultural differences in the different ethnic groups of Asians. Such differences may preclude general compatibility. I also have a male coworker who was married to a White woman before she died.

I think in a place of more mixing a lot of different combinations take place in relationships.

[Stillness]

Of course you’re right, jns. I was speaking in generalities. Once we get to specific individuals or couples much of this stuff breaks down. That’s why guaranteeing that a black man will give you a night of pleasure like never before is such a misguided promise.

I also didn’t mean willfulness to be the primary reason for “interracial” marrying to be as it is. I do think that it is one reason. I addressed it because multiple women on this thread have listed a dominating attitude as the trait they either enjoyed or disliked.

Both your comments and rcoreyus’ also touch on the reason why race is such a bad concept anyway, and why ethnicity, nationality, and culture are so much more accurate when grouping people.

[jns]

I also have a male coworker who was married to a White woman before she died.

Correction: I also have an Asian male coworker who was married to a White woman before she died. I forgot the word Asian.

[jns]

She told me "black people have denser bone, so the extraction techniques don't work as well."

I did some searching and found charts and articles explaining this. Also male bone density is greater than female bone density and male bone density of Whites, Hispanics and Asians is greater than that of Black females, but not by a lot.

[LatinaWoman]

It's been several months since my last post. I'm now the happily married Mrs. Jefferson. I'm pleasantly pregnant, too. I feel so blessed and content feeling my handsome husbands baby stir in my womb. Thank you daddy, merry Christmas to me! And merry Christmas to all of you.

[jns]

Congratulations two times, LatinaWoman. Thank you for coming back and sharing the good news with us. May the future continue to bless you and your family.

[JonDoe]

Black men being well endowed is a myth. Some are well endowed, but most aren't. This is similar to men with other skin colors. Skin pigmentation has no bearing on the measured length or girth of a penis, but it may be perceived to be slightly larger to the human eye.

There is no universal trait that indicates a man's penis size. We've all heard the myths about black guys, Asian guys, tall guys and short guys. I've also heard plenty of women claim that dumb guys have big schlongs.

In various locker rooms over the years, I've seen short guys hung like porn stars and tall guys that looked like they hadn't reached puberty, and vice versa. I also know several nurses in the ER and they all say the same thing -- they've seen 'em in all shapes, sizes and skin colors, and will tell you it is definitely a myth.