[Orsba]

Hi, I've been dealing with this issue since I started my sex life, 6 years ago. I don't feel a thing when I have sex, I feel the penis inside me but NO pleasure AT ALL ! I've read a lot about it and everybody says it's normal, that many women experience this but I want a cure or something

Apart from that, when I'm with a man in bed, I can't have sex if I don't like him a lot or if I know he can't be mine because of other reasons. I mean, I feel aroused if a man touches me, but if he can't be my boyfriend, I just can't let myself go and have sex with him. I wish I was more physical but my mind won't let me explore my body. The only way I can have sex with someone is if he is my boyfriend and I like him. I've had sex in the past with men I didn't quite like and it left me feeling empty. No emotional fulfilment. I wish I could have sex without feelings and feel great. I envy people who feel pleasure when having sex. Maybe if I had felt pleasure, I would be more open to have sex with men I am not together with.

I hear people saying sex is great etc etc. but I can't feel the same way about it I barely enjoy it. I get aroused and wet but I never fully get involved in it. I always am tense I don't know if this is frigidity but do you have any advice? Have you been through similar situations? I don't feel like a woman anymore

[Obelisk]

No nothing wrong with you. I see nothing wrong with wanting to have a man be your boyfriend. There's too much of this "sleeping around for fun" that I am totally against. Sex is a powerful bonding tool and should only be done by two people wo want to be part of each other's lives. Unfortunately that's been lost on society.

If I found a woman who had minimized her sexual encounters saving herself for a man who can truly care for her, I'd have so much more respect for her than if she was some party girl that wants to "find her soulmate" after she's been with a lot of different men for "fun".

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'd say you are a romantic and "intimacy" is what you crave, therefore sex means nothing.

That suggests to me therefore you have morals and are seeking out someone else with morals and when you find a like-minded person, dated him for a bit, become his girlfriend and "bond" through intimacy, you will feel all that you should feel.

Having Morals is a good quality. You are young, keep thinking the way that you do as that is how you see things and there is nothing wrong with that.

[jns]

Orsba, you are very normal. To me, sex is so much better if there is emotional involvement. Have you had a very close boyfriend and had sex? Has that led to you having satisfying sex including orgasm?

[Orsba]

*jns, yes, I've been in a relationship before. Lasted 3,5 years, he really was caring etc. But I never felt pleasure in my vagina, not even with him. I only had clitoris orgasms from oral sex and manual stimulation. And that's why I'm sad, because if I couldn't feel a thing with someone I truly loved, how can I feel it with someone new?

Also, my ex boyfriend told me that his gf before me had the same problems and she couldn't even get wet. But after 7 years or so after she started having sex, she started feeling pleasure in the vagina and after that, she could have orgasms. I know he is a very honest being, but I find it so hard to believe. Because it's not happening to me.

[Stillness]

I remember hearing a scientist somewhere not too long ago that the nerves that come off of the bottom of the spine and end in the pubic area are fairly similar for men, but for women are almost as unique as fingerprints in terms of their distribution. Where they are at various points within the vagina, the the clitoris, the anus, and that entire area determines what gives pleasure.

No one is exactly the same and women seem to be much more diverse. So it seems you're not different from other women in that you're all unique. You might as well ask why you're the only one with fingerprints like yours. I say enjoy your uniqueness.

[Beccalouise]

I had a similar problem to you, I've only had sex with 2 people and the first person I had sex with, I felt no pleasure. We were close, and were together for 10 months, but were together for about 3 months before we had sex for the first time. During those 10 months we must've only had sex about 3 times or so and it didn't last any longer than 5-10 minutes because I felt no pleasure at all. As harsh as this may sound, I think It was because I wasn't physically and sexually attracted to him. I fell for his personality, and even though I thought he was 'cute', I wasn't anymore attracted to him than that.

Now with my current boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months and it only took about a month before we had sex, that being his first time. I am incredibly attracted to his personality, looks, and I find him incredibly sexually attractive and I actually feel pleasure when having sex with him. I am also closer to him than I ever was with my ex who I was with for 10 months.

I would never have sex with someone for the hell of it, even if I liked them and they liked me, I'd only have sex with them if our relationship is going somewhere and I feel that I really love them.

That's all I can really say on your problem, I can't help much more but I hope you sort your problem soon

[Orsba]

I see... but how do you know when you are sexually attracted to someone? What do you feel? Because I can be aroused if a guy that I don't feel very attracted touches me. So how do I know if I'm really sexually attracted?

[Beccalouise]

I'm not entirely sure, tbh. I did feel slightly aroused when I was touched by my ex that I wasn't attracted to, but didn't enjoy sex or actually doing things with him.
With my boyfriend now, I enjoy sex and actually want it with him, something I didn't feel with my ex.

My boyfriend is actually very good at anything sexual too, my ex wasn't. Maybe this is the case? Depending on how many people you've been with sexually, that person in particular may not be doing the right thing to please you. Everyone is different as to what pleasures them.

[jns]

Orsba, all women are different. That being said, a lot of women don't have orgasm from penetration. Many more have orgasm from clitoral stimulation. Some women don't have orgasm at all. The specific guy you are with can make a difference in his skill level, physical traits, adventurousness, personality and how attracted and how sexually attracted to him you are. For instance, some women like a man who is strongly in control during sex, but may not like that trait all the time for a relationship. However, all of these differences don't change the underlying situation that some women don't orgasm from penetration.

Physically biology has something to do with it. There are fewer nerve receptors in the vagina than there are in the clitoris. How many there are, their distribution and the response to stimulating them depends on the specifics of an individual.

Being sexually attracted can be measured by response. Do you get wet in his presence without thinking about sex? Does your body start to tingle. Do your sex organs get flushed, hot or engorged? Do you fantasize about sex, maybe not even with him? Sometimes it is a dry mouth. Sometimes it is stumbling over words. Etc, etc., etc.

Have you tried rubbing your clitoris during penetration or having him do it? Another thing that might work is to have an orgasm or several before having intercourse, to get your body to a fully excited state. Or get yourself almost to orgasm several times before penetration so that sexual energy is still there during intercourse.