[Obelisk]

I had a similar problem to you, I've only had sex with 2 people and the first person I had sex with, I felt no pleasure. We were close, and were together for 10 months, but were together for about 3 months before we had sex for the first time. During those 10 months we must've only had sex about 3 times or so and it didn't last any longer than 5-10 minutes because I felt no pleasure at all. As harsh as this may sound, I think It was because I wasn't physically and sexually attracted to him. I fell for his personality, and even though I thought he was 'cute', I wasn't anymore attracted to him than that.

Now with my current boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months and it only took about a month before we had sex, that being his first time. I am incredibly attracted to his personality, looks, and I find him incredibly sexually attractive and I actually feel pleasure when having sex with him. I am also closer to him than I ever was with my ex who I was with for 10 months.

I would never have sex with someone for the hell of it, even if I liked them and they liked me, I'd only have sex with them if our relationship is going somewhere and I feel that I really love them.

That's all I can really say on your problem, I can't help much more but I hope you sort your problem soon

Stillness should come and read your post because he's calling me shallow on the other thread. So Stillness, this is what I'm talking about right here.

Btw Beccalouise, I'm not in anyway attacking you. You have a right to feel the way you do, and the right to be attracted to whomever you want.

Hopefully you find that person.

[Stillness]

Beccalouise was in a relationship with a person she didn't connect with. I've been in relationships like that myself. The sexual connection is not the same as it is with someone you really bond with and care about. I'd say that's the experience for most. It's human.

Maybe if you were some sort of sociopath it would be different. But I her's and Orsba's experience is common, I think. I don't get your point, Obelisk.

[jns]

I had a similar problem to you, I've only had sex with 2 people and the first person I had sex with, I felt no pleasure. We were close, and were together for 10 months, but were together for about 3 months before we had sex for the first time. During those 10 months we must've only had sex about 3 times or so and it didn't last any longer than 5-10 minutes because I felt no pleasure at all. As harsh as this may sound, I think It was because I wasn't physically and sexually attracted to him. I fell for his personality, and even though I thought he was 'cute', I wasn't anymore attracted to him than that.

Now with my current boyfriend, we have been together for 6 months and it only took about a month before we had sex, that being his first time. I am incredibly attracted to his personality, looks, and I find him incredibly sexually attractive and I actually feel pleasure when having sex with him. I am also closer to him than I ever was with my ex who I was with for 10 months.

I would never have sex with someone for the hell of it, even if I liked them and they liked me, I'd only have sex with them if our relationship is going somewhere and I feel that I really love them.

That's all I can really say on your problem, I can't help much more but I hope you sort your problem soon

I'm not entirely sure, tbh. I did feel slightly aroused when I was touched by my ex that I wasn't attracted to, but didn't enjoy sex or actually doing things with him.
With my boyfriend now, I enjoy sex and actually want it with him, something I didn't feel with my ex.

My boyfriend is actually very good at anything sexual too, my ex wasn't. Maybe this is the case? Depending on how many people you've been with sexually, that person in particular may not be doing the right thing to please you. Everyone is different as to what pleasures them.

Stillness should come and read your post because he's calling me shallow on the other thread. So Stillness, this is what I'm talking about right here.

Btw Beccalouise, I'm not in anyway attacking you. You have a right to feel the way you do, and the right to be attracted to whomever you want.

Hopefully you find that person.

Orsba and Becca, this post is not about either of you.

It is not shallow to be attracted to a guy because he physically attractive, because he is good at sex, because he is sexually attractive, because you like his personality and because he is willing to have sex more than three times in ten months. If it was a case of only liking him because of his smile, I would think it was shallow.

IMO, no comparison to the other situation.

[Beccalouise]

Stillness should come and read your post because he's calling me shallow on the other thread. So Stillness, this is what I'm talking about right here.

Btw Beccalouise, I'm not in anyway attacking you. You have a right to feel the way you do, and the right to be attracted to whomever you want.

Hopefully you find that person.

I'm a bit confused as to what you meant by this?

I don't see how you were attacking me in any way haha, I simply posted what I felt may be relevant to the OP's problem

[Beccalouise]

Okay so reading the other posts... May I ask where this whole 'being shallow' thing came from?

I'm not sure how I'm being shallow (if that's what people are saying I am), there are many other reasons why I'm with my boyfriend, not just for the sex. But what I posted about his phsyical appearance and closeness is what I thought made me more attracted to him sexually and enjoy sex with him. I am not someone that is just about the sex, I'd only enjoy it if it was intimate, and me and the other person had a strong bond and were close and comfortable together.

What I posted may or may not of helped the OP's problem, either way I felt the need to post as it may of been relevant.

[jns]

Obelisk has already admitted that he's unapologetically shallow and that the physical has been the most important things in his relationships. I think it's cool that he's honest with himself and with us about that. But I do think it's pointless to try to reason with someone with that disposition that there's much more to life. They change on their own if they want to.

There are just too many shallow people that I'm intimately acquainted with to waste energy there. You just run yourself silly trying to understand them and get them to come around. It's better just to love them as they are and let them be, in my experience.

This is one of the posts about being shallow on the other thread. It has nothing to do with you and as I pointed out, you are not using only one aspect of a guy in choosing a good fit for a boyfriend (a possible definition of being shallow). IMO, Obelisk shouldn't have posted his post here as it is not on point or even a reasonable tangent.

[Obelisk]

This is one of the posts about being shallow on the other thread. It has nothing to do with you and as I pointed out, you are not using only one aspect of a guy in choosing a good fit for a boyfriend (a possible definition of being shallow). IMO, Obelisk shouldn't have posted his post here as it is not on point or even a reasonable tangent.

Yes sorry I simply saw it and thought it was a good example to show Stillness.