[Laurel1957]

I joined this site (women's health) ages ago but haven't logged in much. Today I did and saw this post, and wanted to respond.
Some background:-- I'm 56. I had had 4 partners (including future husband) before I married at age 34. I was sexually pretty naive but I was ok with it, as far as I knew. I had never been brought to orgasm by a man. The men I dated did not like GIVING oral sex. But all enjoyed receiving. I was able to orgasm on my own.

I see it this way (re: original post). If you are uncomfortable with this position with your man, tell him. The key to good sex, I have discovered the very hard way, is communication.

Yes yes, I would tell my husband this or that was ok, but it wasn't! It was, but not - I know, weird. I loved him enough for it to be okay for many years.

He never asked me to kneel before him and give him oral, no. BUT I've talked with/been on forums with men who love this position and it isn't necessarily because of the feeling of dominance. It is about seeing the woman with whom they are making love (or use whatever term fits) be totally into them -- they don't have to do anything but enjoy. When on a bed, for instance, the man may feel like he has to touch his lady. In this standing position, the most he can do is touch her head.

For some men it is about dominance; regardless you need to speak up. You would do the same if he was touching you the wrong way -- to hard when he played digitally with you, too fast when having intercourse, etc etc.

I think it might be helpful, especially if he is unsure of your reasons for asking, if you tell him about your past experience and HOW you feel, not just THAT you feel. It's so easy to be open, and yet sometimes we are shy about it. We'll show our bodies to our men/women, and yet we won't talk about what we/they do to/with them!

I'm sure if you talk, you will come to some happy medium, a compromise. If he is unwilling, then perhaps he is not the man you should be with, sexually. If anything in the bedroom (or wherever) makes you uncomfy, don't do it. And that includes people who are into more kinky things - most of them have some limits! Just please please don't do something you do not LOVE to do -- what a waste of your emotions and your feelings for him. You enjoy it, he loves that you do, so ENJOY it, he wants you to --- really!!! There are soooo many women in my age range who would never think of giving oral sex to a man -- to each his/her own, I suppose.

As for pubic hair which is off topic, We all have our preferences, both for ourselves and for our partners. To immediately show the door to a woman who is shaved is close-minded, IMHO. Sheesh, she may have primped herself that way just for YOU, thinking that is how you wanted her to be. And as we age, we don't like the grey hair, you know? Many of you guys trim which many of us women appreciate, and many ladies trim too, which is obviously a mid range. The first time I completely shaved (about 3 years ago), I was loving the freedom, but I didn't really like the look. But man, it was so much easier to feel clean, after sex or peeing or whatever. But it can be a PITA so....pros and cons. Again, communication is key. If you want her/him to be one way or another, just talk about it. It's so **** easy!!! We can't read one another's minds, after all! Some men love the bush, others just don't like all that hair, others don't care. And yes, as we age, we loose some of the hair, but you know how we women have straighter hair and the men have curlier hair -- curlier is soooo much more attractive! I'm ok with a man doing what he likes, but if I start getting hair in my mouth, well, I'm going to stop and remove it - so he has the option to trim if he doesn't want that to happen.

Best to all! And hoping this helps original poster --- do nothing, please, that you are uncomfy with. It is a cycle you may never get out of. You are worth wayyyy more than that, and you owe it to yourself - for your mental and emotional health, and to him, to be honest. And to do only what feels good. Because as you said, you LOVE giving head! Just talk - it's really easy once you start, and may lead to other things!!

[ClariceC]

I just read the above reply and wanted to look at this user's profile -- she is no longer here, or rather, she says she is no longer using this site. I have to say that I applaud her comments, as wordy as they may be --- (oh I'm teasing, I get wordy too!).

Makes sense - communication is key. I've certainly learned that in my marriage of only 22 years. We do think our spouses, lovers, bfs, SOs can read our minds, should KNOW how we feel. No, they don't. I thought mine did after so long but no -- I still need to communicate with him. And frankly, he appreciates it, even when it is about sex (he is a shy one). but I think he would rather know what I do and don't like - I've felt that way from the start, I think. That's why I never faked orgasms....

[Guest]

When men attempt to control and/or dominate women, it usually ain't in a bedroom & usually such men are girly, insecure men.

My ex-girlfriend's second husband used to try to dominate/control her, but it was always out of the bedroom. It the bedroom, he was sexually inexperienced and timid, possibly to the point that he submitted to her, and she loathes girly men. From what she has told me, it sounded to me as though he was intimidated by her sexual experience, which I maximized to mutual advantage. When she did give him head -which she grew to loathe- it was with him lying on his back. When he did her, it was usually missionary, which she hates. She is all woman, has had a lot of sexual partners -enough to know what she loves in sex- and wants a man's man who'll treat her like a porn star. However, out of the bedroom, where she wants to be treated with dignity and respect, is where her second husband tried to controlled her.

That woman has given me head in every imaginable position. She does like men to have sex with her mouth but it has to be done very carefully. If I made her gag, she'd let me know immediately. And she loves facials. Fact is, I think she has a cum fetish, which was yet another problem with her second husband. She loves men to cum on her. He thought it was gross.

She has always loved dog style sex and being bent over a bed, which certainly can be interpreted as a male-dominant position.