[februarysky]

First off, let me just say that I am one of those girls who LOVES giving head. I love it so much that I offer to do it the moment our bodies hit the mattress, and it always features in my sexual fantasies. Sometimes I’m so eager to do it that my bf has to literally shove my hands away and say to wait until we get to the bedroom.

That being said, I am strangely adverse to one thing, and one thing only while giving head: I hate when my boyfriend stands up, so that he towers over me. When I'm giving head, I prefer that he remain sitting or lying down. Why? Because when he stands up, I suddenly feel like I am greatly inferior to him, as though I am nothing more than a common prostitute. I can’t stand it and whatever enjoyment I get from giving head completely disappears and is replaced with embarrassment, hurt, and irritation.
The boyfriend I had before my current one was a porn addict, and I remember the first time I gave him head, he told me to do it like the porn stars in his favorite movie. That comment obviously made me feel like I was being compared to a porn star, and I remember thinking that my bf must see me as a mere stand-in for those actresses on screen. It was my first time giving head, or doing anything sexual for that matter, so to be told that I must do it “like a porn star” was horribly embarrassing.
I dunno if my current feelings stem from that memory (they probably do), but I simply can’t bear to be kneeling while my bf remains standing. I tried giving my current bf subtle cues such as tugging on his leg (my mouth was full at the time, so I couldn’t speak) and, afterwards, throwing out a casual, “Well, maybe next time I do it, you can remain sitting…” But so far, these cues have gone right over his head.
I’m afraid I’ll have to actually address the problem directly, but before I do, I want to know what goes through a guy’s head when he chooses to stand up while receiving head. Is it more pleasurable to do it this way, and I’m just being overly sensitive about it? Or is it a dominating / fantasizing thing, as I suspected? Just curious. Of course my current bf’s mindset might be different from yours, but I am nonetheless curious to know what guys on this forum think.

[jns]

I think dominance has a lot to do with that position. It is different than having sex standing up. I'm sure some women like getting oral while standing, too, so the roles are sometimes reversed. Does he ever offer to do that?

I agree the comparisons to porn stars is wrong. Does he have any idea of what he said?

As far as reaching orgasm while standing up as a guy, I am a guy and have done that before. To me it is very exciting because it causes a lot of tension between being able to control my legs to still stand while losing control to the muscular contractions of orgasm. Basically, as I hit orgasm I want to melt into the surroundings, but I cannot do that to any degree because I have to keep standing.

[Guest]

From Ask Men Website, the number 9 sexual fantasy of women. Other sites rank domination higher:

"The advent of the metrosexual is most commonly blamed for this top 10 female sex fantasy. It seems that modern, independent women actually prefer real men who aren’t afraid to embrace their testosterone. This woman fantasizes about you pinning her down and thrusting her thighs apart with your knee. She wants to feel your fingers snake through her hair and pull her head back; she wants to feel your teeth on her shoulder; she wants to be owned -- if only while in the bedroom (after which, she’ll want a clear return to equality). This win-win female sex fantasy scenario allows her to fully indulge her femininity, while still espousing the merits of feminism."

BTW, the number one sexual fantasy was stripper.

[februarysky]

I think dominance has a lot to do with that position. It is different than having sex standing up. I'm sure some women like getting oral while standing, too, so the roles are sometimes reversed. Does he ever offer to do that?

I agree the comparisons to porn stars is wrong. Does he have any idea of what he said?

I’m assuming my past bf knew what he was saying when he asked me to do it like a porn star. I doubt the statement was meant to suggest that I was acting like some sort of stand-in, but that’s how I felt regardless…especially since that bf told me that he would continue to watch porn throughout our relationship, as though sex with me wasn’t enough to satisfy. I guess it gave me a bit of an inferiority complex.

As for my current bf, he does not offer to give me oral. Ever. I guess he doesn’t like it, which is fine because I’m not a huge fan of it anyway (I prefer penetration and am one of the 30% who can cum from penetration alone). The thought of standing up while he does it is largely unappealing.

Your explanation has got me thinking that it might be about more than just dominance (although dominance is part of it). If the position genuinely gives him more pleasure, I am loathe to take that away from him. But the fact remains that it will continue to bother me. I have to decide if it bothers me enough to make him stop doing it.

[Element]

My guy is the complete opposite. He prefers to lay down in the middle of the bed and just enjoy. We've done it with him standing, him sitting on the couch, in a chair, on the edge of the bed, and him laying on the bed. He's told me numerous times that he enjoys it the most when he can just lay there and bask in the sensations of receiving oral. And he is quite the dom. So, in my own personal opinion (from the one and only man I have ever been with; so my opinion is limited and I know this) it depends on the man. It also comes down to personal preference in the bedroom.

[februarysky]

We did it once where he sat on the edge of the bathtub. Even though he was above me, it did not bother me the way him standing bothered me. I don’t mind if he wants to sit down somewhere that happens to be in a slightly elevated position. Only standing up bothers me.

[rcoreyus]

One of the things that makes oral sex so much fun is that it can be so varied - loving, controlling, submissive, etc. It is possible to enjoy your partner being submissive, while not wanting to control them in real life.

[Guest]

The poster can be dominated only if the poster submits to domination, unless he's forcing the poster to do something against the poster's will. In CA, forced oral copulation is a felony, a serious crime. Then again, the poster might be very insecure.

I never, ever have done anything demeaning to any woman. I have treated girls with whom I have been in relationships like porn stars and they loved it. More often than not, they're the ones who had initiated it. Women have asked me to dirty talk 'em. I obliged. I have a video of a chick who was deep into hardcore sex with me telling me to talk dirty to her. I was in a long-term relationship with her. I've done many chicks' mouths while I was standing up & never did I feel as though I was dominating them. I felt like I was getting great head from women I really cared about. It's the women I didn't really care about that could've done me any way they want because I just wanted it over. So maybe the poster's b/f really doesn't care about the poster & he's just using the poster, which would implicate the poster's insecurities. If the poster believes he's demeaning the poster, why is the poster sticking around?

The best, most hardcore sex I have ever had is with women I have really cared about and loved. Those were the women I treated like porn stars because they wanted to be treated like bedroom porn stars and like princesses out of bedrooms, which is exactly what I did.

Even liberated chicks seem to prefer men's men who take charge in bedrooms. Chicks don't seem to prefer girly men unless they're insecure and they want to dominate them. Other than during sex, only the insecure seek to dominate others.

One woman with whom I was in love asked me to call her everything except late for sex. In the bedroom, I'd call her a s1ut, porn star, anything she wanted. If I called her any such thing out of a bedroom, and I never did nor never thought about it, she'd probably slap me & I'd have i coming.

I ain't yet been relationshipped with any chick who didn't have fantasies. One was and still is in to exhibitionism, which is women's second most popular fantasy.
Here's my advice: get over your insecurities or find a new b/f who is more suitable to your personality.

[Guest]

We all have things that we do not prefer. However, when I was in relationships and chicks asked me to do something, I would. I have never turned down a chick I have really cared about.

As for me, I loathe the prepubescent look. I want a woman who looks like a woman & is comfortable being a woman. The prepubescent look, to me at least, implicates pedophilia. It's an instant turn off for me.

A few years ago I took a chick to a beach resort for a three day weekend that turned into a four day weekend. She was 20 years younger than me & looked thirty years younger than me. She was a spinner, maybe a size 1 at most. She was extremely sexy and horny. She did me while I was sitting in my driver's seat in a parking lot of a popular beach bar. The following morning after a long night of hardcore sex, I actually saw her naked. With her shaven where she should have had hair, she looked like a child. It immediately turned me off. I never took her out again.

Some men like the prepubescent look. I'm naturally suspicious of such men. I have no such fantasies of having women dress up as children. I want a woman to always look like a woman and always act like a woman.

[jns]

Several decades ago I was with a Thai woman in her twenties who didn't have but a few wisps of hair near her clitoris. She wasn't shaved nor waxed nor anything else. She just didn't have pubic hair. She was all woman.