[ItsAllAboutTheGirl]

This question is really for the ladies here as I'm trying to get a read on my girlfriends response to a conversation we had about having an mfm threesome.

Just a little background on us. We've been together for almost two years now and have a really close relationship. She's pretty conservative outside of the bedroom but shares my very strong sex drive. Neither of us have a lot of experience with previous partners as we are both coming off of long marriages and I only had a few sexual relationships prior to her. She has only had sex with her ex-husband and myself.

About 6 months into our relationship I put a few fingers in her mouth during intercourse. She went absolutely crazy and a few weeks later was expressing her desire to have me in her mouth. This quickly became one of her favorite activities and we both really enjoy it. She will come several times before we even begin intercourse if I work her with my tongue or hands vaginally at the same time.

Seeing how excited she is with this I slipped out a quick thought I had on if she would enjoy having another man working one end of her while I was working the other. She initially seemed excited at the idea and asked me if I had anyone in mind. At the time I had not put that much thought into this and definitely hadn't started thinking about who I would want to join us, so I said no I didn't.

We didn't talk about it much for several weeks and while we were cuddling after sex in the truck one day I mentioned having another guy with us at that moment wouldn't be so fun. She agreed with me and we dropped it.

Well unfortunately this desire seems to keep popping back into my man brain. Several weeks went by and I brought it up again but this time she mentioned some concerns such as not being able to imaging any mans hands on her other than mine.

At this point I'm wondering what she truly feels. When we are hot in the moment and I'm working her with my hands or tongue and she has me in her mouth she is going absolutely crazy. Do you think her shying away from the idea is her true feelings or is possibly just guarding my feelings? Her asking if I had anyone in mind the first time I brought it up makes me think she would be into it too but she is now shying away after hearing my moment of concern. She said she asked if I had anyone in mind just to see how far I had taken the thought, does this make sense?

Sorry for the long post but I'm hoping this will give you enough information to tell me what to do. Keep in mind I really would like to try this out but I do not want to lose her over it.

[rcoreyus]

It is possible to have fantasies that you would never want to act on in reality. I think her comment that she couldn't imagine another man's hands on her may put this in that category. Some couples enjoy threesomes, but for a lot it causes problems.

[atskitty2]

I think she may have been excited initially, but after thinking more about it, more details, realized it may not be as exciting as she thought in the broader scheme of things.

[jen1447]

Sounds like it was just a heat-of-the-moment thing. When we get all lathered up, almost anything can set us off. You might suggest doing it on the front lawn or while watching Jeopardy and have her go nuts at the thought, but it doesn't mean she actually wants that when her sex drive stops making her a raging maniac. Plus it takes a special sort to handle threesomes well, and she doesn't really sound like the type. I'd let it go unless she brings it up again herself.

[moderniste]

Fantasies can remain super hot and exciting without ever making them a real-life reality. It sounds like the fantasy of another man is a big turn-on to both of you, and you certainly could make it a hot part of lovemaking by narrating the threesome in your brain--talking dirty. After all, the brain really is the key sexual organ.

From your descriptions of both of your experience and lifestyle, I'd wager that you're not really cut out for the quasi-polyamory and open relationship status a couple needs to both be OK with in order for a threesome to be a pleasurable experience free from drama. You can't really predict how you'll react until you're in it. I know that I considered myself rather footloose and fancy free when my BF and I had a threesome with another woman. But I had an unexpectedly difficult time relaxing and shutting down the anxious voice in my head that kept saying, I don't like this, I don't like this" And then afterwards, what I really wanted was for the third wheel to put her clothes on and quietly excuse herself and leave instead of stay over.

I've seen a large number of friends have fatal relationship troubles from the aftershocks a threesome can cause. Stuff like, did my BF/GF like the other person's equipment better; do I measure up? Does he/she want to be with the third wheel more than me? Did my BF/GF get too excited about the novelty of the third person and ignore me/not pay me enough attention? Does my BF/GF now want to make threesomes a regular thing? Is "just plain old" style sex with me not enough anymore--is my BF/GF bored with me?

That third member remains a disassociated and hott piece of meat in your active fantasy. But in real life, that penis is attached to another dude who might just sleep over, spooning your girlfriend and wanting breakfast. It's not a bad thing to realize your sexual experience limitations and avoid a whole lot of drama, especially since you can already have super hot shared-fantasy sex. Just my 2 pesos.

[moderniste]

Fantasies can remain super hot and exciting without ever making them a real-life reality. It sounds like the fantasy of another man is a big turn-on to both of you, and you certainly could make it a hot part of lovemaking by narrating the threesome in your brain--talking dirty. After all, the brain really is the key sexual organ.

From your descriptions of both of your experience and lifestyle, I'd wager that you're not really cut out for the quasi-polyamory and open relationship status a couple needs to both be OK with in order for a threesome to be a pleasurable experience free from drama. You can't really predict how you'll react until you're in it. I know that I considered myself rather footloose and fancy free when my BF and I had a threesome with another woman. But I had an unexpectedly difficult time relaxing and shutting down the anxious voice in my head that kept saying, I don't like this, I don't like this" And then afterwards, what I really wanted was for the third wheel to put her clothes on and quietly excuse herself and leave instead of stay over.

I've seen a large number of friends have fatal relationship troubles from the aftershocks a threesome can cause. Stuff like, did my BF/GF like the other person's equipment better; do I measure up? Does he/she want to be with the third wheel more than me? Did my BF/GF get too excited about the novelty of the third person and ignore me/not pay me enough attention? Does my BF/GF now want to make threesomes a regular thing? Is "just plain old" style sex with me not enough anymore--is my BF/GF bored with me?

That third member remains a disassociated and hott piece of meat in your active fantasy. But in real life, that penis is attached to another dude who might just sleep over, spooning your girlfriend and wanting breakfast. It's not a bad thing to realize your sexual experience limitations and avoid a whole lot of drama, especially since you can already have super hot shared-fantasy sex. Just my 2 pesos.

[rcoreyus]

It can also be a problem for the third person. I know someone who was the 3rd in a FFM threesome with a couple. She said that it left her feeling like a sex toy - a thing used for other people's pleasure. There are some people for whom this 3-somes work well and they really enjoy them, but I think that for most people the reality doesn't work nearly as well as the fantasy.

Note - I have no moral objections to 3-somes, people who want them are very welcome to them, and I can see them as a fun fantasy.

[jen1447]

I love threesomes, but you do have to have the right mindset for them. I'm a very confident and secure woman, so I can leave with some decorum without feeling ill-used. So having been the special guest a number of times, here are my tips to success :

Do indeed leave when the time is right so you don't intrude on the couple's afterglow intimacy. Three-way cuddle-fests are great, but they usually only work between girls. If it's a married couple or BF/GF, I've found the girl won't like you cuddling up to her man while the sheets are still wet, so if you have to cuddle, cuddle up with her. Best just to leave it to them though and make your exit not long after the last orgasm. Always remember, the reason you're there is because they thought it would be hot to have sex with you, not because they want you to move in.

That said, don't run off like you're escaping a fire. It's important for everybody to know that everything that happened is okay, and the best way to pull this off is with some deep "I accept you and think you're awesome" kissing afterwards, complete with some giggles and silliness. Direct this mainly at the girl, because she might not like you sharing that aspect with her man, whereas the guy will just think it's hot in his man-brain. Basically, keep the girl happy and the world will turn. Any clever guys out there will know this already.

This applies to FFM threesomes obviously ...never had a MMF and not really interested if there's no other cool girl parts involved. I would tend to think the second guy should beat a hasty retreat in those cases, because the guy would likely find his presence gross after all the action is over, and the girl will probably want the emotional bonding with her man anyway, not the other guy.

[gunjank]

I agrre...if both the partners are agree,then it's fine and accept it like a fun activity not more than that.

[ItsAllAboutTheGirl]

Thanks for all of the input. I still play this out in my head while we are together but will leave it up to her to bring it up again. She knows it's on the table and I don't want to lose her over it for sure.