MMF or MFM threesome with wife

[effy2014]

I don't think it's fair to question someone's love for their partner if they want to introduce a third party. It seems you are just insecure.

I certainly admit to a fair amount of insecurity. I have explained this in my posts to this issue. However, I would certainly question my SO's love for me if she said she no longer wanted to be sexually monogomous. Why wouldn't she question mine for insisting on bringing someone else into our bed?

I look at it more from my view that our sexual intimacy is an expression of our loving relationship. I hope and trust that our sex life is fulfilling because it is between us -- that we have a fulfilling emotional and loving connection as well.

My SO was far from a virgin when we got together. She has had other men -- it's not a novelty. She chose to be with me because I fulfill all aspects of our emotional and romantic life. That's why I reject the need for mfm or fmf on relationship grounds.

[jen1447]

Not directing this at you specifically bubba but the "it's exciting when she acts like a tramp" explanation seems really shallow, even if there's some truth to it. Is that really all it is?

I'd also be curious to know how much it might be about the other guy. Do you visualize him explicitly as well and get turned on by that? What percentage would you say is it about your wife vs. the other guy? This is all academic btw. I'm not about to accuse you of latent homosexuality, so please be honest.

[bubba29]

I'd like to know more about this mentality ....I've read about the possible biological explanations and whatnot, but I can't escape the notion that this is a relatively recent development in men as opposed to an evolutionary thing that would have manifested long long ago and changed very slowly. I guess my curiosity comes from not having really heard a satisfactory explanation yet. On top of that, it's directly contradictory to what the established position has been for generations - that infidelity on the part of a woman would be about the worst form of betrayal there could possibly be (an opinion that's still pretty strongly held in most places). And yet here we are with some men - and by no means a niche or small number - actively seeking it out.

I've heard the explanations that it's a turn-on to see women hyper-sexualized, and I don't reject them out of hand, but it still seems like it's just scratching the surface of it all and that the underlying truth runs much deeper. There's also my own beliefs about women asserting themselves and taking control of their sexuality in the modern era, but that would seem to explain the desire in women, not so much in men (unless it's the desire in women that creates the desire in men).

Lots of unanswered questions here. Ha-ha, a MFM is one thing I haven't done yet ....maybe I should find out for myself what all the hoopla is and just jump in. Likewise the cuckold stuff. I've actually considered that before (academically - I just can't really get into it emotionally/sexually and BF doesn't either in that way ....he wants me sexually satisfied at all costs but doesn't have a kink with seeing another guy have at me or learning about it), but to do it just feels flat. Even when I have sex with other women, it's not for any purpose other than that I like it.

i too have the desire to watch my wife being hyper sexual with a man she finds attractive. i cannot really explain this desire. i wonder if it has to do with the ease of watching porn. maybe subconsciously we want to see our wives the insatiable, sexy actress in a porn scene with a sexual stud. it could be the ultimate porn for us....just speculating. i have no jealousy in this regard. i separate love and sex. although ultimately, my wife and i have never participated in anything like this. just fantasized.

[jen1447]

I'd like to know more about this mentality ....I've read about the possible biological explanations and whatnot, but I can't escape the notion that this is a relatively recent development in men as opposed to an evolutionary thing that would have manifested long long ago and changed very slowly. I guess my curiosity comes from not having really heard a satisfactory explanation yet. On top of that, it's directly contradictory to what the established position has been for generations - that infidelity on the part of a woman would be about the worst form of betrayal there could possibly be (an opinion that's still pretty strongly held in most places). And yet here we are with some men - and by no means a niche or small number - actively seeking it out.

I've heard the explanations that it's a turn-on to see women hyper-sexualized, and I don't reject them out of hand, but it still seems like it's just scratching the surface of it all and that the underlying truth runs much deeper. There's also my own beliefs about women asserting themselves and taking control of their sexuality in the modern era, but that would seem to explain the desire in women, not so much in men (unless it's the desire in women that creates the desire in men).

Lots of unanswered questions here. Ha-ha, a MFM is one thing I haven't done yet ....maybe I should find out for myself what all the hoopla is and just jump in. Likewise the cuckold stuff. I've actually considered that before (academically - I just can't really get into it emotionally/sexually and BF doesn't either in that way ....he wants me sexually satisfied at all costs but doesn't have a kink with seeing another guy have at me or learning about it), but to do it just feels flat. Even when I have sex with other women, it's not for any purpose other than that I like it.

[FrustratedHusband]

I don't think it's fair to question someone's love for their partner if they want to introduce a third party. It seems you are just insecure. I would love for my wife to have sex with another guy, mfm preferably, but just as happy to watch the two of them. I can honestly say that I have no desire for the reverse situation, a fmf, as I couldn't keep two women entertained and my wife has no interest in women. A mfm for me would be all about my wife being pleasured. I'm not bi and am not interested in playing with another guy, although I'm not opposed to it if that's what she wanted.

[effy2014]

I do not have the personality to participate in a ffm. The thought that my man might be wanting to do things to her etc doesn't sit well with me. I would feel threatened and insecure. I think it would be the demise of our relationship if we ever fulfilled his fantasy of either a woman going down on me or vice versa while he has sex with me. Sometimes the reality of a fantasy doesn't live up to all the hype and, I question (this is just my opinion) whether people really love their partner if they want to bring other person into the bedroom. I'm in love with my man and have no desire to sleep with another man. I get that some people can separate love and sex but for me I'm not into sharing. Sorry I'm rambling now

You summarized my feelings precisely.

[Romy]

I do not have the personality to participate in a ffm. The thought that my man might be wanting to do things to her etc doesn't sit well with me. I would feel threatened and insecure. I think it would be the demise of our relationship if we ever fulfilled his fantasy of either a woman going down on me or vice versa while he has sex with me. Sometimes the reality of a fantasy doesn't live up to all the hype and, I question (this is just my opinion) whether people really love their partner if they want to bring other person into the bedroom. I'm in love with my man and have no desire to sleep with another man. I get that some people can separate love and sex but for me I'm not into sharing. Sorry I'm rambling now

[rcoreyus]

It worth being clear on the rules on any contact (sexual or other) with 3rd person outside of the 3-way.

[jen1447]

The no hurt feelings 'rule' is still the main/only one I can think of, unless you want to add "must wear a condom" or something. Otherwise any requests would be personal stuff that you'd have to decide on. I assume you've screened him for STDs and so on.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you being intrigued by a well-hung guy. Big question tho is will it affect your hubs. Only you two can decide that. Sorry if this was already asked, but is there any cuckold fantasy going on here with hubs? If so, he may actually enjoy feeling inadequate.

[effy2014]

Just remember that the reality of seeing more pleasure on your face, in your expressions, in your moans and what words could come out of your mouth while having sex with the friend is far different than the fantasy of having the experience or even your comforting words to your partner after the event. If he can't duplicate the experience for you or you have to "act" for him in bed, will it have been worth it?