[JonDoe]

How many times would you like to have sex when you have a four day weekend at home with your partner?

[jen1447]

Hm, surprisingly complicated question .....

Assuming the time is right and that it's a sex weekend (we're not painting the house and catching a quickie here and there), I'd say it would go something like 4-2-1-1 with the boyfriend, more with the girls.

Also, does "have sex" mean separate and distinct encounters? On the serious missions, they can kind of blend together and just become sex days.

[DreamP346]

This is a complicated questions. I answered based on what I would like, not on what I expect will really happen. Also quality is a huge factor. If the first day was filled with incredible and physically draining sex, then I may not want any more for the rest of the weekend.

[kira]

My preference if nothing was preventing it and we didn't have other things to do would be far more than 4. However right now I have a wound on my upper leg in an inconvenient location that isn't healing. I need to go to the doctor for antibiotics. I have a hole big enough I can stick my finger in it and it won't stay clean and heal up. Then there is my insomnia which our insurance no longer covers the medication that worked leaving me tired and sometimes depressed from sleep deprivation. I start getting ptsd type flashes of mistakes I made, the stuff with my abusive stepfather, and I got picked on and beat up at school from 7th grade through highschool.


My husband also is only good for about once a day. Most of the time it's about 5-6 times a week before he starts having problems. We tried going to the doctor about it and they gave us 3 pills to use every month that didn't work any better than the stuff we ordered online for daily use. He then started having migraines especially when attempting sex and blamed the prescription pills so he refuses to try them again. If he got in better shape and stopped trying to stay up later than me so he got enough sleep it would probably make a big difference. Sleep and losing weight wouldn't hurt me either it's just not possible.

Finally there are 16 hedgehogs, 7 chinchillas with one about to pop, 2 dogs, and 3 rabbits plus babies to keep clean, fed, and watered so any free time we get on the weekends and holidays is spent doing extra cage and house cleaning or driving to meet people for trading, buying, and selling animals. This coming weekend we have 2 people picking up hedgehogs on friday, a birthday party 45mins away on saturday, and driving to chicago to pick up a chinchilla sunday. Plus setting up 4 cages to wean the next litter of hedgehogs.

Sex has been a bit lacking the past 2 months.

[Stillness]

chinchillas

I love those little things. I had some buddies that used to chinchilla-sit for when they went on vacation. They'd stay with me. I couldn't believe how much social intelligence they had. I just thought they were like dumb little rats. The outgoing one exhibited behavior like I have only seen in humans and chimpanzees in documentaries the last time I kept them. Blew my mind.

[atskitty2]

Jon, I'm going to make some assumptions here, based on what I know of you from previous posts/comments.

Operating on the idea that you have or recently had this scenario personally and were sorely disappointed in the outcome...your statement "at home" stands out to me.

When I was married happily, if we had a chunk of time off together at home, it usually involved working on the house or some social event we had planned at our home. "We" weren't the focus. Sex wasn't any more a point than any other day.

If I wanted to make an effort to connect, be together and focus on our relationship, I booked a trip and took off for a few days. Still, sex wouldn't happen as much as I'd have liked but we were so close back then, we just cuddled and talked. Our sex life was just never super hot...

So, to specifically answer your question probably none...at home. 4 days away from home, we had a greater chance.

Maybe if you have this opportunity coming up, get away. Even if it's just to a neighboring city. Get away from the normal every day grind and make it a day of...whatever works for y'all

If you aren't in a financial or childcare position to drop it all and leave town, be creative and make a getaway at home.
I don't know...I feel so bad for you and those complaining of frigid partners...

[rcoreyus]

Just my $.02, but I'd take great sex every day or couple of days over some sex every day. Great sex takes a long time - say a couple of hours, and there are other things I want to do with my life as well.

It was only a couple of years ago that what I would get on a weekend was basically zero - sex had become a once ever few months sort of thing. Completely miserable and JonDoe has my sympathy since I think that is the situation he is in.

[JonDoe]

I specifically choose home because a vacation away to a new destination could include lots of excursions to "take it all in", not to mention travel time, which some might find tiring and thus have an impact on the likelihood of a sexual marathon weekend.

Jen, you are my hero! I would love to meet someone with even half of your healthy appetite for sex.

Atskitty2 made a correct observation that the question was motivated by a few personal scenarios that happened recently and keep replaying in my head. A four day weekend that I chose to wait for my wife to initiate, which resulted in zero intimate encounters. Another four day weekend where I initiated once per day, which was more stressful then it was worth.

Rcoreyus, it is generally a zero sex week unless I initiate, and even then the majority of the time the sex excuse handbook is recited by my wife. The irony is that she gets far more physical pleasure that I do when we have sex, but the major problem is she simply doesn't think about sex, ever, unless she is reading erotica. I even bought her another erotica trilogy two months ago and she hasn't started reading it yet. In fact, she always reads for 15 minutes to an hour before bed every night, that is until I bought her the new books. She hasn't read anything more than email or Facebook since. However, when she read the "50 Shades of Grey", she couldn't put it down. She would read in the morning before work, immediately after work, before bed, and at least as many times on the weekend. I know she was masturbating a lot while reading, but we still had sex very infrequently. I believe the reason she is avoiding the books this time is because I suggested that when she is turned on from reading the books to be intimate with me instead of flying solo every time.

Again, she claims she simply does not think about sex, ever. I try to heighten the sexual tension for both if us. However, when I send her a sexy text, leave her a naughty voice mail, or whisper in her ear, then her response is usually the opposite of what one would expect from a loving partner. In fact her responses usually carry a harsh tone. It doesn't help matters that she can be high strung. As I've shared in other posts, her only response when I ask her what I can do to help her to be in the mood more often is "It turns me on to see you work."

[a_dub]

Hm, surprisingly complicated question .....

Assuming the time is right and that it's a sex weekend (we're not painting the house and catching a quickie here and there), I'd say it would go something like 4-2-1-1 with the boyfriend, more with the girls.

Also, does "have sex" mean separate and distinct encounters? On the serious missions, they can kind of blend together and just become sex days.

If i was your BF i'd convince you to make it 4-4-4-4 with me!

[atskitty2]

I just typed a lengthy response to your other post, and it went POOF into the unknown...so this is partially addressing sp's comments there.


I haven't read the book, but as I understand that excerpt, I think it's describing her pretty well. She wants/needs to get off, but there's no thought to reach out to HIM for that gratification or connection, and he's not providing the stimulus she needs to respond to a sexual encounter. I think they need to have a deep, brutally honest, sit down, put-it-all-on-the-table discussion. I think that there's a lot they aren't sharing with each other. I used to call it a State of The Marriage talk. I think she's one who probably says this, he says that, maybe a few more comments & it's left to lie there...rather than probing into those comments & getting down to the nitty gritty.

I'm one of those women who doesn't walk around thinking about sex all day, but I do sometimes. What I need is touch, talking, connection & then I'm good to go, for hours maybe. There are those occasions that I just want a good old fashioned, lusty sex session, but not with someone I don't have a deep connection with.
She's turned on by watching you work? Ok, so do this type of work, and when she uses an excuse, what do you do? Do you leave it at that and go away?
I think you have a relationship issue, not just a sex issue.

You missed my point about going on a trip - the idea is not to have a vacation, or go sight-seeing, the idea is to get away & make a connection...away from the dishes in the sink & the grass waiting to be cut, and various distractions. Get a hotel in your own city, get naked & lay in bed for a whole day, just talking & trying to connect with your wife on another level. If she isn't interested in that, there's more evidence that you have way bigger issues than the fact that you aren't having sex.

Are you to the point of cheating? In the other recent thread, you said you'd like to meet someone w/half of Jen's sex drive. I'm curious what fun that would be if you have no intention of enjoying their sex drive? No judgement or criticism, I'm just curious if that's where you are in this process.

I think the fact that you suggested that she use you for satisfaction after enjoying her books, rather than satisfying herself, is more evidence that she just isn't interested in YOU. You've got to find out why, and what it is that she needs from you to get in the mood.

I think you're going to have to get this woman talking & do some talking yourself. You'll both need to be receptive to hearing things that may be difficult & opening yourself up to change. It isn't easy, but this isn't working, what you've been doing. I think if you want her to "get it" then you're going to have to work a little harder to "get it" too. See a professional & talk it all out in the safety of them as a moderator.

Finally, please accept my comments as helpful observations & not a criticism. I really want to see you both get through this.