[commonsense]

wife not interested

thank you, common sense,it might be worth a try..although i will feel mighty guilty for doing that.i am afraid that she is not in love with me as you stated..i've asked her as much but she tells me she does love me.maybe she doesn't want to hurt me , i really don't know..

I can't speak for all women - and women I need you to comment on this - but as for me, something I value, I don't let go or do anything to jeopardize it. Especially a man. If it is a health issue, then of course that's an exception. Otherwise, a woman should not expect a man to live in a sexless marriage. Ask her how long she's expecting you to live like this and see what she says.

[gyrator53]

to answer your question gyrator,,no,she doesnt consider it a problem for her, she says she just doesnt like sex anymore...and that if it bothers me then thats my problem....

By any standards that is a pretty hard-nosed attitude she is taking. I think you have spent a long time - too long - trying to resolve this on your own. I think you must get help. Your doctor should, I think be the first person to talk to. If she won't go with you then go alone. This in any event will make her realise just how much the situation is affecting you. Then there is the marriage guidance councillor. Again, if she won't go then go alone but, as with the doctor, make sure you discuss it with her first - be open about the fact that you are getting help.

I know that lots of people feel reluctant to seek professional advice about such personal matters and feel somehow that they have failed in needing to do this. Don't let this put you off. You are dealing with the most important relationship in your life - the one that holds your whole family together. No amount of embarrassment it too much to make sure it works. My wife and I have been together for over 30 years and I consider my marriage to be wonderful. However, it would certainly have ended more than 20 years ago (and my lovely youngest daughter not exist) had it not been for marriage guidance.

[rwms498]

caroline, in response to your post earlier,,i meant no disrespect or sarcasm when i said you sure can tell a story..it was kindof a compliment i thought i was giving on your writing ability...i'm sorry if i offended you in any way,and i thank you for all of your input.

[rwms498]

i wish i had been smart enough earlier to post a different handle here.i'm using the same user name i always do. i would be able to show my wife these helpful posts that you ladies have put here to try and help,,maybe she would realize there may be a problem then...she will recognize my username though and im afraid she might not get off on the fact hubby is talking to other women about the "nonexistant" problem.think it might be worth a try anyway,,,or is it a bad idea??????????

[commonsense]

wife not interested

i wish i had been smart enough earlier to post a different handle here.i'm using the same user name i always do. i would be able to show my wife these helpful posts that you ladies have put here to try and help,,maybe she would realize there may be a problem then...she will recognize my username though and im afraid she might not get off on the fact hubby is talking to other women about the "nonexistant" problem.think it might be worth a try anyway,,,or is it a bad idea??????????

She would probably hate you and your situation would be worst. As the other person said, if she hears advice from a professional she will respect it more.

[gyrator53]

She would probably hate you and your situation would be worst. As the other person said, if she hears advice from a professional she will respect it more.

I would agree - she could react badly. I think the important thing about a councillor is that when you are discussing the problems and your attitudes you realise when you are being unreasonable without the councillor having to say anything. It's strange but we can voice an unreasonable attitude in private to our partners that we would never try to sell to anyone else. I think your wife would never be able to say in front of a councillor that her not wanting sex was your problem without realising the enormity of her mistake.

Once she accepts that its a joint problem I think you will be well on the way to solving it.

[Armstrong]

RWMS498 there are more of us here attempting to deal with this same issue. I am here looking for the same answers as you are. Married to a wonderful woman but am starting to feel less than enough as there is no interest in being intimate anymore. These ladies have some good thoughts and I am going to try them. Way to easy to just give up when I would much rather fix it. Glad you asked so I know there are others out there.

[WildChild]

Armstrong, You will find many men and women here, dealing with both sides of this situation. However, this particular thread is from 2007 and many of the posters, including the OP, are no longer on the site.
You can start your own discussion of this or if you do a little reading you will find several current threads on this topic.

I'm closing this thread so you can participate in active discussion.
Welcome to WH. I think you will find support and ideas here.