[Artistmum]

ok i am a woman - and i masturbate. I once used toys quite openly in front of my spouse. but now for reasons of my own i do so at my own leisure without him. the one reason i am happy to share is simply this he is seriously incapable of making me orgasm . I have walked him through the process given him a guided friggin tour and still years on he can't do it. I am now due to this pretty selfish about my orgasm if i do all the work why should i then have to deal with his needs . Call it lazy call it complacent call it selfish I come from a different generation than your wife , I am a woman with a high sex drive who hasn't had her needs met in years . Rather than commit adultery i am sexually selfish , and yes i have been tempted but i don't see the point in risking a loving relationship with a bad sexual connection for a fling or a quick screw with a nameless faceless person that may or mayn't involve an orgasm .

My advice is simple set a romantic mood , seduce your wife with a good meal some witty conversation (heck pre plan some interesting topics) show her you can meet her every need emotionally (yes boys this is a pretty serious part) then lead her to your bedroom and as you gently kiss her ask her to show you what she likes about the toy , ask her to help you use it on her . if she has a glass or 2 of wine in her prepare yourself for a fun night . if she doesn't respond be gentle be loving and ask why ? chances are she is embarrassed and uncomfortable about her sexual self - countless women are . be open to what she has to say and be prepared to share your own desires . maybe offer her a night of mutual masterbation rather than routine perfunctory sex. because sometimes intimacy can be achieved without physical penetration and maybe she needs to know that she isn't alone in climaxing without penetration

[kdc]

. . . it is reality that love life bores after many years of togetherness. i also do not believe in the ability to rekindle lost sex drive among couples. once lost, it's lost. perhaps it can be improved, but will not get anywhere close to what it was before. it is also a fact that after many years of marriage & togetherness, men & woman take to self pleasuring habits, which in itself is proof that sexual interests between each other diminishes with time. But since, marriage is much more than just sex, women tend to overlook this diminishing glare in their lives. . . .

I have to disagree. I'm almost 60, and we've been married for 37 years. There was a long stretch of several years where we had NO sex at all. A year ago, we took it up again. It's better than it ever was. ;-)

[Advocate777]

I sat down with my wife and we had a long talk. She apologized for lying to me. She said that when she hot in bed she was super tired and got out the magic wand (which is plugged in to a socket behind the headboard) and just used it and came in 90 seconds. She then went to sleep. The next day she was upset that she had no libido when we had planned a date day. She said she had done it on other occasions and it did not take away her libido. She got her period a few days later. She said she lied because she did not want me to get mad that she took care of herself at the expense of our time together. I told her I didn't care if she masturbated - I just felt like she said no to me that nite and that she chose sex alone than with me- she said she just did it impulsively and went to sleep. She said she didn't feel it was a pre-planned thing or anything. She said when she got in the tub she masturbated a bit and had planned on just going to bed and not going all the way thru to orgasm. I said I did not mind at all but the lying hurt- I think she just has shame about her hoe nines and masturbation as she was raised super catholic and was taught that masturbation is wrong. So, I am just gonna five her the benefit of the doubt- sounds like she just needed a quick orgasm before bed - no muss- no fuss- and she figured we would have our time together the next day. I guess female masturbation in a marriage can be a very private thing for some women and she doesn't want me to know she does it. This was the first time she chose it over me but one thing is that she says it usually makes her horny and more sexual but I think when she does it it satisfies her for a few days. I don't know - her sexuality is kinda a mystery to me as she is very shy and conservative.

[jen1447]

Sounds like kitty was right!

[hemsfavictor]

kdc...thank you for your input. just wondering if that long stretch of deprivation had anything to do with what i was intimating above. i still believe that it's in human nature that we get sexually fed up of each other when things become so monotonous..., furthermore, please do enlighten me on practical ways to improve my own as my statements above are largely based on my personal life experiences....thnx.

[rcoreyus]

You could tell her that the next time she just wants to get a quick orgasm, you'd be happy to watch.

I sat down with my wife and we had a long talk. She apologized for lying to me. She said that when she hot in bed she was super tired and got out the magic wand (which is plugged in to a socket behind the headboard) and just used it and came in 90 seconds. She then went to sleep. The next day she was upset that she had no libido when we had planned a date day. She said she had done it on other occasions and it did not take away her libido. She got her period a few days later. She said she lied because she did not want me to get mad that she took care of herself at the expense of our time together. I told her I didn't care if she masturbated - I just felt like she said no to me that nite and that she chose sex alone than with me- she said she just did it impulsively and went to sleep. She said she didn't feel it was a pre-planned thing or anything. She said when she got in the tub she masturbated a bit and had planned on just going to bed and not going all the way thru to orgasm. I said I did not mind at all but the lying hurt- I think she just has shame about her hoe nines and masturbation as she was raised super catholic and was taught that masturbation is wrong. So, I am just gonna five her the benefit of the doubt- sounds like she just needed a quick orgasm before bed - no muss- no fuss- and she figured we would have our time together the next day. I guess female masturbation in a marriage can be a very private thing for some women and she doesn't want me to know she does it. This was the first time she chose it over me but one thing is that she says it usually makes her horny and more sexual but I think when she does it it satisfies her for a few days. I don't know - her sexuality is kinda a mystery to me as she is very shy and conservative.

[kdc]

kdc...thank you for your input. just wondering if that long stretch of deprivation had anything to do with what i was intimating above. i still believe that it's in human nature that we get sexually fed up of each other when things become so monotonous..., furthermore, please do enlighten me on practical ways to improve my own as my statements above are largely based on my personal life experiences....thnx.

No our long drought was due to my health issues. I guess I can't relate to where you're coming from because my experience appears to have been the complete opposite from yours. Boredom has never been an issue. I find our sex life much more intense now than it was when we were younger. Maybe that's because we're older and not so much in a hurry as we used to be--and more thorough. Who knows? We seem to be more "into each other" now, I think. Not just with sex, but overall. Whatever the reason, it's great. 8-)

[Advocate777]

U are right on - totally accurate. Thanks

[Trixareforkids]

I find our sex life much more intense now than it was when we were younger. Maybe that's because we're older and not so much in a hurry as we used to be--and more thorough. Who knows? We seem to be more "into each other" now, I think. Not just with sex, but overall. Whatever the reason, it's great. 8-)

So many people lament getting older, but I've gotten more relaxed and accepting of myself as I've aged and I think that's probably what's helped us most and made things so much more fun now.

[rhiannon34]

First, every one is different, but I have never found that masturbating in any way comes close to having sex with another person. Also, if I did masturbate, I would tell my partner about it. Men are just cool with it, maybe even a little turned on by it.