[sweet_peaa]

Well I can tell you from a woman's perspective I love to orgasm I masterbate all the time and have since I was prolly a teen and now I have my baby's father and can still have sex even almost twice a day and sometimes even get mad when he's tired or isn't connected that day but just because I masterbate doesn't mean I don't love my bf I just love to relieve myself and me knowing my own body makes it a bit faster without the connecting I think u have nothing to worry about maybe she just doesn't want you to think she's masterbating to much

[Roe Vila]

Hello, I am not one to go off about sex. Since I am experiencing a similar situation (on the receiving end), I hoped I would give you some advice from a 39 year old female. As I said.. I have been over looked for him masterbating to porn for quite some time now (2-3 years).

My previous marriage was very "sexually healthy", and I never had to do doggy tricks to get a treat, and a pat on the head. (Bitter, just a bit.. yes).
Going forward, there were times that IF it DID happen, I was sexually cut off by him not lasting very long.. And as they say, Desperate times, Desperate measures! I was MID Orgasm when he stopped, and was like WAIT, WHAT??? LOL, He gave me a "sorry" and left the room.
So, as the proud Biotch that I am, and so foreign to this "one sided sex life" I managed to stumble myself in to... I had to go with the sexual release route.
I CAN say, Yes.. It screwed up my libido. It was probably dormant for about 3 days before I even started to think about Sex again.
I also feel I can relate to her, as a Catholic woman. I feel proud about not doing it, only do it as a last resort, would not want to admit to it, and although I can not relate to her choosing a dilly over you (ever, for whatever reason), my thoughts were "she views this as dirty, shameful".

I realize being a self sufficient woman has come of age, and I also realize why (because men have open access to porn at the click of a button, porn doesn't need to be pleased, and there is no woman judging you except the chick on the screen as you are willingly following her lead).
As I previously read, and also read here, It's less hassle, less tiring, quick and easy breezy... Eww, sounds like going through the drive thru for a burger rather than eating a home cooked meal!

So, here is how I have dealt with it..... or tried to!
1. A LOT of sexual frustration.
2. Feeling unattractive at a young age, at 5'2 100lbs, (as you said, it must be ME!)
3. I gathered what he was in to... We talked it out too! I than got geared up as "The Empress", black Dom gear, heeled Dom boots, ropes, leash...
Did it work, you ask? NO! It led to me needing to spend over an hour in the bathroom to turn myself in to Primo Porn Star, Do ALL the work, Be someone I wasn't, and only led him wanting MORE of that behavior without me, cause again... Porn is easy access, one sided, and there is no wait!
4. People who masterbate during a relationship are self serving, you need to accept that.
5. I tried to talk to him too. I lowered my own self like an understanding begger. I cried, I laughed, I joked, I got angry, I was patient.. Did it work? NO!

Why do I say this, why give you my story? The reason is, we all ended up on this thread for a reason! We have been over looked for a hand and a moist towelette!

I have conclusions for myself, and suggestions for you as well. Although, it doesn't sound your situation is dire, so I suggest you going the easier route.
1. Learn to accept this (not easy, I got 3 years under my belt, and failing miserably)
2. Considered getting some side action (Nah, there goes that Catholic again)
3. Leave and find someone who desires you for who you are! Doesn't make you second to ANY object, their own needs, or speed orgasms!

For me, it has just about become a deal breaker! I have had numerous bouts of going 3 weeks to get approached by him asking "I please him Orally".
This IS bothering you, I think you needed to see what you saw, you followed your instinct and you were right! Letting her get away with dishonesty, self centering, and treating you as second best IS WRONG! TRUST ME, it gets worse, not better!

So, here is my plan... After all.. I am "The Empress", right? I am gonna get the biggest Dildo collection money can buy! I am gonna get all kinds of DvD's (of hot *** men) and put them all over my bedroom! I will buy Vagina Lube that dances, glows in the dark, warms, goes grocery shopping, you name it! I may even wear Anal beads around my neck! THAN, I am gonna learn to say "Nahh, I'm good.. maybe another time cause I'm busy!"
Y'all can go the "hopeful" route! I am fighting fire with fire! Signed, - "The Empress"

[jen1447]

Pretty funny. I do think there's potentially a lot of difference tho for why men would 'resort' to masturbation compared to why women would, so I'm not sure how applicable your strategy is across the board.

[rcoreyus]

What difference do you see? I'd assumed in both cases is was just for quick release when other options weren't immediately available.

Pretty funny. I do think there's potentially a lot of difference tho for why men would 'resort' to masturbation compared to why women would, so I'm not sure how applicable your strategy is across the board.

[jen1447]

Well in my experience, women's sexual satisfaction is often more closely intertwined with emotional satisfaction. So where Roe Vila might have some luck provoking her man physically by dressing up as a dominatrix or putting on a masturbation clinic, the OP's wife would likely not find it all that moving emotionally if he did the same. Without the emotional involvement for women, chances get slimmer for the physical.

[jilljames8184]

She may be not be telling you the truth because she is afraid it might hurt your male ego. Tell her you watched her and ask her if she will let you join in. My husband and I incorporate a vibrator into our sex about every time between foreplay and penetration. After he has done me orally, I do him orally while I used the vibrator. I like to have him penetrate me right after I get off the first time from the vibrator. It also helps me with lubrication at my age (51). May be old, but I still love sex, lol.