[Archer]

I admit we still don't communicate as we could be but at this point Im the one trying to do so. I can honestly say I have NOT gone out of our marriage. Ever. Yet. My motivations my be somewhat selfish as far as wanting more sex but I do love my wife.

All I can say is just keep that first and foremost in your mind man. You probably can imagine the loneliness and disgust that you would have to look at in the mirror the day afterward, if you chose to go outside of your marriage against her wishes. No sex in the world is worth betraying love for.

That being said, I hope you two can find some kind of arrangement...just be prepared to be happy with "no" for an answer.

[Archer]

I also agree that I might become a jealous monster if it didn't go as I envisioned. BUT if I/we tried something once and we both decided it wasn't for us I could never ever hold it against her as I would expect from her.

A parallel to this would be finding out a girls "number". I used to think that there was no judging a girl if you ask this question, but after I asked a past girlfriend and she told me that had been with around 25 guys (my number was around 7 at the time, much much higher now), it surprisingly really ate at me. It took me a lot to man up and get past that, and it almost cost me the relationship right then and there.

Never underestimate the potential for a human being to feel insecure and compared to others. Especially when you see another man plowing your property. Whether you logically work it out in your mind or not is irrelevant; there is really no unseeing that, or undoing the emotional damage that sight has caused.

No sir, not this guy.

[Stillness]

Whether you logically work it out in your mind or not is irrelevant; there is really no unseeing that, or undoing the emotional damage that sight has caused.

I had the same exact thought when I read that. If you see a piece of candy in a filthy toilet, it doesn't matter how much someone cleans it or how sweet it is. You most likely would not enjoy eating it after that - at least not the same as a fresh piece.

[atskitty2]

Well I don't think that all swingers have their activities in the company of the other couple or couples. Not always. That may be part of the thrill for some but I don't think it's always like that.

[jen1447]

Yeah, I think Sexy Brenda here has this going on and in her situation, they pair off and go their separate ways.

I never really understood numbers psychosis btw ....25 is not a large number when you consider a sexual lifespan of even just a few years. Let's say someone who had been sexually active for ten years had had 25 partners. That's 2.5 a year? Big deal.

[Trixareforkids]

LOL to "numbers psychosis". I didn't know what he was talking about at 1st when he said her "number", figured it out in context later and I had to shake my head. As long as they've got a clean bill of health, more partners means more experience which one would hope would translate into better sex.

[Archer]

Right. I was younger, less experienced, and at the time I wasn't mature enough to handle the answer--which is why I shouldn't have even asked the question. Trust me, I understand...my point was that you can't unhear or unsee something that makes you insecure; to assume beforehand that, without a doubt in your mind, you will be strong enough to handle it is wishful thinking at best.

I would definitely say that the number doesn't bother me anymore. But having someone bone my partner, in plain view of me or not, would cause irreparable damage to my intimate relationship with that person.

Everyone is different though, just another perspective among the many

[Trixareforkids]

Archer we all have a few thing we react to in ways that in the reflection of age and experience make us shake our head. And I think you've seen enough of my other posts to know I enjoy other perspectives, I was laughing at Jen's phrasing and shaking my head is my semi-cringe reaction, when I can feel the discomfort of a situation. I have my own ample share of cringe worthy moments in my past, but you were sharing yours in an helpful way and I apologize if I made it another cringe experience.

[Archer]

Lol...you girls have every right to be frustrated with guys and their hypocrisy regarding "numbers psychosis". Hell it makes me shake my head to think that I legitimately almost blew what ended up being a pretty good relationship before it even kicked off, because of my own insecurities. No worries.

[HerHusband]

I need to clarify the term swinger as I personally consider it. More like a couples type thing.
As far as the number thing she was surprised years ago when and more recently when I brought it up again. Its not the one on one thing its the issue of more than a single couple involved. Im wasn't a player when I was single but cant put a true count on it. About 10-15 single women or so but I really cant be sure because of the blur. It may be more it may be less. Its not important in the big picture. Its not relevant. She admits to less than handful including a one nite stand. If she is holding back I really don't care. I recently got her to tell me about her first and she was kind of giggling about it since he is now a slob. I asked if they did it a lot and she said they did. Didn't phase me. I honestly think its good for a woman to get out and see what its all about. That doesn't mean having the whole town tattooed on her ***. I also would not care if it did. For some of the uptight it might actually be something of a stigma.
PS I have been taping and watching Sterling from day one. She thinks its a silly cartoon. I hate soaps. LANA!!!