[honeybee888]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. We get along fine and I don't think that there is any cheating going on. This problem has been occurring since we first had sex. He will get it up and then it will get soft. The longer I was with him the more I learned about how much he masturbated. He does nearly everyday he doesn't see me. I see him about 3 maybe 4 times a week. We talked about it and he agreed to try and lay off on the hand lol. As time progressed this problem still occurred and he always goes back to jerking off. There are some (not too many) where he just doesn't cum as well. He has said before 'Ive seen you give me oral a thousand times' or something to that nature. Recently I asked him again to lay off on masturbating and he failed at that. I don't think hes cheating because he is always available for me. I have not seen any conversations that are note-worthy between him and another woman. He has hardly turned me down for sex. I just seem to get disappointed during. I know he cares about me. It makes me feel like I am unattractive (even tho I am not) when his penis goes soft or he can't keep from masturbating. I have no idea what the issue could be.

[jen1447]

I think you're barking up the wrong tree here, as women so often do when it comes to masturbation with male partners.

First of all, if he's masturbating instead of having sex with you, that's a problem. But I don't think that's your problem because you say he doesn't turn you down.

So what the problem actually is is performance. Guys have limited endurance, but they generally are capable of having sex and orgasming at least once a day, so him masturbating daily is not really as issue as regards performance itself, imo. What it is more likely is just strength and conditioning. I'm guessing that his masturbation is usually rather brief. What he needs to work on is the whole kegal thing, and it's easy to do and he already has a head start. Have him masturbate for much longer periods of time, staying erect thruout. That is, in a nutshell, a kegal exercise, and it will help him to stay hard for you. A guy who's used to maintaining an erection for a half hour or more because he does it all the time will generally be able to maintain one for you with little trouble.

I remember being impressed with BF the first time we really got fooling around (pre-sex) because he stayed hard for a long time all thru a bunch of making out and pattycake. As much as I'd like to take all the credit for that, I know it was at least in part because he's well conditioned that way. Your guy can be too. Pretty much any guy can, absent any genuine erectile issues (physiological ones).

[rcoreyus]

First - to any guy who says "I've seen you give me oral a thousand times" - BIG slap upside the head from those of us who only get it once or twice a year - or never.

Is there something he says he wants in sex that he isn't getting (whether or not its a reasonable request).

Masturbating is OK as long as it doesn't interfere with someone's sex life. Some men do have erection difficulties, but it might be made worse by frequent masturbation. Is he willing to please you other ways when he goes soft?

[honeybee888]

I agree he should get a slap upside the head for saying that lol. He has never expressed even when I've asked about anything extra he wants. I am very very open to ideas. I agree that it is ok as long as it doesnt interfere but I feel like it does more often than it should and I have told him that. Yes he is willing to eat me out or finger me but I get so much satisfaction on pleasing him by sex or oral that I pleasing me almost isnt as good.

[Trixareforkids]

What I want to know is, Is HE bothered? You haven't spoken to his reaction or thoughts on why he's losing his erection (mid-play from the sounds of it). I'd hazard to guess that most men would be frustrated by this, so if he's not showing any I'd want to know why.

It does happen from time to time with guys for my hubby the couple of times it's happened have been when he was really short on sleep and we were trying for more than a quicky.

[honeybee888]

What I want to know is, Is HE bothered? You haven't spoken to his reaction or thoughts on why he's losing his erection (mid-play from the sounds of it). I'd hazard to guess that most men would be frustrated by this, so if he's not showing any I'd want to know why.

It does happen from time to time with guys for my hubby the couple of times it's happened have been when he was really short on sleep and we were trying for more than a quicky.

His reaction is trying to get it hard again. I admit I just get frustrated which makes things worse. Or sometimes like I said he will say 'Ive seen you give oral a thousand times' or the fact that we have had sex with just each other for a yr. Also there are times where he will warn me before hand that he has masturbated that day (mostly its the days when we spontaneously see each other) and he might have trouble getting it hard. That frustrates me as well.

[rcoreyus]

Best might just be to find other things you enjoy doing together.

[Trixareforkids]

What rcoreyus said or if the penetration is a requirement for you and he's not too bothered by not being able to finish, get an aid that goes over his or a regular strap-on so he's not pressured and you're not frustrated.

[PhrendlyPhil]

All Psychological

Assuming your BF is a young man, he is suffering from sensory overload. Chances are pretty good he's masturbating to porn and so when he's with you he's become desensitized. Men are variety oriented and porn satisfies that desire instantly. Unfortunately, it also messes up a real human relationship. Try this trick: Next time he wants to jack off, have him phone you instead of watching porn. At least with phone sex the stimulus will be your voice. You could even participate with some masturbation of your own. If you're not available by phone, perhaps give him a few naughty photos of yourself with which to jack off (better you than some porn queen).

[Archer]

Blindfold him, tie his hands behind his head, and tell him he's not allowed to talk until you're done with him.

Seriously.