[Trixareforkids]

That's why I came to a women's forum, kinda hoping a lot if women were like this.

I know this may sound rude and I really don't mean it to be so I hope you don't take it that way but is your wife your first sex partner? The above statement made me ask because NO most women aren't like your wife and if you'd had other bed partners you'd probably be aware of that but it's possible that you got unlucky more than once, so I'm asking.

If your wife is your only experience with sex and you don't want to leave because of the sex you probably need to see a couples therapist of some sort and your wife may possibly benefit from individual sessions. Unless you've done a very bad job of describing your sex life, for instance what does your wife do to and for you? Blow jobs, hand jobs, body rubs? You seem conflicted about whether you like your sex life or not (not the frequency but the actual acts) do you feel you're missing out on a lot of things? Or would you just be happy with more of what she's already giving?

[Motorguy]

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I'm not going to cheat in her. She doesn't just lay there. It's more like she wants to be in control, and do only one thing. I don't mind the control thing, but she's so rushed, and with little forplay, I'm the one who really sometimes am allowed to just lay there, not to touch. Any sensative spot.

I've asked her the childhood question. We talk about it. She just has no explanation. That's why I came to a women's forum, kinda hoping a lot if women were like this.

Oh I was not saying to go cheat on your wife never that's not good at all. I get what your saying so she just wants to get down with the act and be done with it then. I am going back to the childhood problem then if she is not really sharing and holding back with you then she has some how depressed the whole part of her life out and doesn't really want to deal with it. So when she has sex with you the faster it's over the better she feels about it. I saying your wife really needs to see a therapist first by her self and maybe later with you. And work these issue out then.

[jreacher]

She's the only partner I've had. I'm not satisfied with what we are doing. No, no body rubs, no mouth on skin anywhere. Both of us are missing out. Since she's my only real sex partner, I've had nothing to go by except what I read, hence this post.

Next, y'all are going to ask why it's taken so long to try to solve this--- we've been talking about it. I'm just not going to give up.

[Trixareforkids]

Next, y'all are going to ask why it's taken so long to try to solve this--- we've been talking about it. I'm just not going to give up.

Nope, it actually puts things into better context. With no previous experience to go on except what you've gotten from this one woman, who only likes a very small set of things, honestly I understand both why you've been so patient and why you're so frustrated now. I don't think anything anyone on here can tell you will help you. You should seek counseling, both of you going individually and as a couple. You have issues that are different from most of our experiences and all of our advice is based on our experience. I really wish we could be more helpful but I honestly don't see how.

[jreacher]

Thank you. You did help by answering the question about whether it was common for a women to act like this in bed. What's really weird is that while dating, she let me touch her...

Thanks again.

[Trixareforkids]

You're welcome and I wish I could give you more to work with but it's too out of my experience.

[muffin70]

thanks - I did sort of have a conversation with my wife last night.... as usual she sat on the couch and watched the TV programs she had recorded.... funnily enough we watched a documentary on obese couples who had lost weight, but had also lost their relationships (split up) because they became different people after losing weight.
then she must have fallen asleep while watching the late news, as I went out to tell her I was getting ready for bed and she was snoring on the couch (this happens 1-2 times a week with her).
Anyway we went to bed and I asked her if everything was ok and is she feeling well... I told her it has been about a month since we last had any sex and her reply was "it hasn't been that long"... when I said it had she then said her knee has been very sore (which is true), but I reminded her I have a sore shoulder (frozen shoulder if you want to google it) and said the signals for getting turned on and wanting sex come from the brain and even though I have a sore shoulder I still get turned on.
then she said "well if you didn't spend all the time on the computer...." as if it was all my fault? So I reminded her that the only reason I spend that time on the computer is because she watches 2-3 TV programs that I don't like.... and I'm hardly going sit with her and watch 1 hour of Eastenders (british soap opera) when I can't stand that program!
She said tonight will be different as there are programs we both like on a Friday night, so we can sit together and watch them.... so hopefully I can turn the TV off after these programs and as can sit and talk about things.... or better still, go to the bedroom and kiss and cuddle (and hopefully make love!)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

thanks - I did sort of have a conversation with my wife last night.... as usual she sat on the couch and watched the TV programs she had recorded.... funnily enough we watched a documentary on obese couples who had lost weight, but had also lost their relationships (split up) because they became different people after losing weight.
then she must have fallen asleep while watching the late news, as I went out to tell her I was getting ready for bed and she was snoring on the couch (this happens 1-2 times a week with her).
Anyway we went to bed and I asked her if everything was ok and is she feeling well... I told her it has been about a month since we last had any sex and her reply was "it hasn't been that long"... when I said it had she then said her knee has been very sore (which is true), but I reminded her I have a sore shoulder (frozen shoulder if you want to google it) and said the signals for getting turned on and wanting sex come from the brain and even though I have a sore shoulder I still get turned on.
then she said "well if you didn't spend all the time on the computer...." as if it was all my fault? So I reminded her that the only reason I spend that time on the computer is because she watches 2-3 TV programs that I don't like.... and I'm hardly going sit with her and watch 1 hour of Eastenders (british soap opera) when I can't stand that program!
She said tonight will be different as there are programs we both like on a Friday night, so we can sit together and watch them.... so hopefully I can turn the TV off after these programs and as can sit and talk about things.... or better still, go to the bedroom and kiss and cuddle (and hopefully make love!)

Hey Muff,

To be honest? It sounds to me that you give, give, give, give and she has become lazy, doing her own thing, which shuts you out.

Why do I say that? You make the lunch, do the dishes, make the breakfast, do the dishes, make the coffee, dinner. You let her tape 3 programmes and pretty much watch then 6 nights a week, leaving you to have to, well, leave the room and do something else.

So whilst you are doing everything and she sits back, there is no equality. Whilst she sits and watches her shows, there is no togetherness.

Why would she want sex? She's in a comfort zone, living on her own being spoilt rotten.

That's what you have to change. Get her off her butt to make you dinner, to make you lunch share this and same with TV, bad luck you can't watch everything you want every night, I live here too. Off course you can't say it like that

I want you to hear it from me like that.

[muffin70]

thanks - she does make dinner occasionally and she helps with the dishes.
She does most of the gardening at home because I am not that 'green fingered' and don't really like gardening to he honest, so she does do some stuff around the home.
But I agree with you on the 'togetherness' thing - that's the main thing we need to work on - spending quality time together

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So many relationships drift apart as two people live separate lives